Author Topic: Can Men and Women be friends? (Read 6932 times)

jen51 · « **Reply #15 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:43:23 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

A woman who wants to be married is going to want that.

With dating/courting I think what you sometimes find with nice girls is they are committed o a man they are dating like they are married and he does not commit. That definitely delays marriage for them.

I'm sure this is true for a lot of nice girls. Though from my observation I think good trad men are even more likely to show stronger commitment than the woman during courtship.

Solidus · « **Reply #16 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:46:03 PM »

Quote

Courting is not marriage. If someone you are courting suggests that, you need to RUN in the other direction -- as far and fast as you can.

If someone is willing to cut ties to friend because they marry they are not a real friend.

I don't think men and women should be alone in a closed setting (car, home) even if both are single.

We should probably define our terms. When I say "close friends" I mean that good friend from childhood that you've known forever. "She's a sister to me!" kind of thing. A regular friend would be someone that you hang out with when you're with a group of friends. A close friend would be "Hey, lets go grab some lunch and catch up". A regular friend would be "Hey, lets grab some buds and go snowboarding!". I don't know if that makes any sense. In most of my friendships the "close friend" is someone you can hang out alone with and talk about personal matters. A "regular friend" is part of the whole crew of friends.

I guess "cutting ties" was kinda harsh. I meant that you should spend less time with that person, and never alone but in the company of your spouse.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #17 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:46:56 PM »

Quote from: jen51

I'm sure this is true for a lot of nice girls. Though from my observation I think good trad men are even more likely to show stronger commitment than the woman during courtship.

Yes and it puts them in a precarious position.

Which is why long engagements are very wrong. It's a concession to feminine fickleness, ultimately, and it's against Church teachings, although you'd never know by the way liberal priests treat the issue.

jen51 · « **Reply #18 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:51:34 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

....long engagements are very wrong.

I agree. Long engagements aren't the way to go.

Tiffany · « **Reply #19 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:52:42 PM »

Quote from: jen51

Quote from: Tiffany
A woman who wants to be married is going to want that.

With dating/courting I think what you sometimes find with nice girls is they are committed o a man they are dating like they are married and he does not commit. That definitely delays marriage for them.

I'm sure this is true for a lot of nice girls. Though from my observation I think good trad men are even more likely to show stronger commitment than the woman during courtship.

Matthew was saying women having platonic male friends causes them delay marriage. I was responding that I've seen more of that ^ delay marriage for women who want to marry than her having male friends.

Tiffany · « **Reply #20 on:** June 30, 2013, 06:59:54 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: jen51
I'm sure this is true for a lot of nice girls. Though from my observation I think good trad men are even more likely to show stronger commitment than the woman during courtship.

Yes and it puts them in a precarious position.

Which is why long engagements are very wrong. It's a concession to feminine fickleness, ultimately, and it's against Church teachings, although you'd never know by the way liberal priests treat the issue.

Men have no obligation to continue a courtship or engagement with a time waster. If she is that fickle to keep delaying things, it will be hard but he needs to move on and find a woman who is ready to marry. Hope can be a hard thing to walk away from though.

Tiffany · « **Reply #21 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:07:31 PM »

Quote from: jen51

Quote from: Telesphorus

....long engagements are very wrong.

I agree. Long engagements aren't the way to go.

That is bad the priests don't teach that, our children should know they are wrong long before they know why.

PereJoseph · « **Reply #22 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:15:51 PM »

Quote from: jen51

Darn you quoted me before I edited my spelling error! Platonic not plutonic.

Surely you meant that non-Platonic relationships between unmarried people are plutonic, whereas non-plutonic relationships between un-married people would apparently be Platonic. :wink:

Zeitun · « **Reply #23 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:22:01 PM »

This question is for the married folks:

How would you feel if you found out your spouse was sharing personal information about you with his/her childhood best friend who was the opposite sex?

Let's say that information was regarding some of your....deficiencies?

Men: women tend to complain to friends. Now she's complaining about you to another man? And you have to face him at social events. You wonder what she told him about your little "problem".

Ladies...your husband's close female friend hasn't had kids yet. She's still slim and active. You've had 4 kids and have a thick waist. How do you feel about him going over to her house on the weekend to fix her car....alone?

How about workplace friends who go out to Happy Hour and have drinks together. And your spouse is 3 hours late getting home. No big deal, right? Then you found out the new guy/girl is really really "smart", "funny", "amazing" you fill in the blank.

Just wondering.

PereJoseph · « **Reply #24 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:24:42 PM »

Quote from: jen51

Quote from: Telesphorus

....long engagements are very wrong.

I agree. Long engagements aren't the way to go.

No, they are certainly not. Parents generally have the power to prevent long engagements by facilitating a place to stay. Unfortunately, mid-XXth-century North Americans find multigenerational households to be something intolerable and shameful. Younger generations apparently have an aversion to living in the same home wherein they were raised, as well. I can't entirely pinpoint the source of these phenomena, but it does seem that the usual suspects of the love of money and the hatred of natural hierarchy are involved.

brainglitch · « **Reply #25 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:25:30 PM »

Quote from: Zeitun

This question is for the married folks:

How would you feel if you found out your spouse was sharing personal information about you with his/her childhood best friend who was the opposite sex?

Let's say that information was regarding some of your....deficiencies?

Men: women tend to complain to friends. Now she's complaining about you to another man? And you have to face him at social events. You wonder what she told him about your little "problem".

Ladies...your husband's close female friend hasn't had kids yet. She's still slim and active. You've had 4 kids and have a thick waist. How do you feel about him going over to her house on the weekend to fix her car....alone?

How about workplace friends who go out to Happy Hour and have drinks together. And your spouse is 3 hours late getting home. No big deal, right? Then you found out the new guy/girl is really really "smart", "funny", "amazing" you fill in the blank.

Just wondering.

If a woman at work ever started to get too friendly with me I would just try this:

Zeitun · « **Reply #26 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:26:37 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

Men have no obligation to continue a courtship or engagement with a time waster. If she is that fickle to keep delaying things, it will be hard but he needs to move on and find a woman who is ready to marry. Hope can be a hard thing to walk away from though.

Agreed. Men should know within 2-3 months of courtship if a woman is wife/mother of his children material. Ideally an engagement should come by 6 months of courtship. Women who want to marry are very eager (as all the sterotypes can attest to). We dream of marriage from the time we are little girls. It's in our DNA.

gobosox91 · « **Reply #27 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:26:54 PM »

Of course. Why not?

Zeitun · « **Reply #28 on:** June 30, 2013, 07:28:34 PM »

Quote from: brainglitch

Quote from: Zeitun
This question is for the married folks:

How would you feel if you found out your spouse was sharing personal information about you with his/her childhood best friend who was the opposite sex?

Let's say that information was regarding some of your....deficiencies?

Men: women tend to complain to friends. Now she's complaining about you to another man? And you have to face him at social events. You wonder what she told him about your little "problem".

Ladies...your husband's close female friend hasn't had kids yet. She's still slim and active. You've had 4 kids and have a thick waist. How do you feel about him going over to her house on the weekend to fix her car....alone?

How about workplace friends who go out to Happy Hour and have drinks together. And your spouse is 3 hours late getting home. No big deal, right? Then you found out the new guy/girl is really really "smart", "funny", "amazing" you fill in the blank.

Just wondering.

If a woman at work ever started to get too friendly with me I would just try this:

Napoli · « **Reply #29 on:** July 01, 2013, 10:52:19 AM »

I started this thread because of of a question from a friend. Your answers, especially Mathew, were exactly in line with my thoughts.

It is next to impossible to have a friend who's an attractive lady around your age. You should never be alone with them.

Fortunately, the only one I broke that rule for was my wife. Something felt right and I knew I would never do anything to hurt her. We were engaged that same day and married shortly thereafter.

She is my best friend and only female friend.

Pax