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Author Topic: Blessings of large families  (Read 1399 times)

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Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Blessings of large families
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2022, 07:31:10 AM »
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  • Blessings and grace in the married state come from the openness of bringing forth the children God wills for each of our families. 

    THIS^^^, as I also wrote earlier.  It's not about the material aspect of how many children, but rather abuot the formal aspect of submitting to God's will.  Sometimes God wills a larger family, sometimes smaller.  I find that I am in the middle with six.  But my wife and I also got married later (she was nearly 30), and she's had a couple of miscarriages in there as well.  So the worldlings look down on us because we have too many, and the Trads who have more (10-12) look down on us for having "too few" ... as if this were some kind of contest.  I know one woman in particular who refuses to breast-feed so she can "knock one out" every 9 months, without the delay that naturally accompanies breast-feeding.  She's in some contest with her sister ... as if the quantity of children on its own is a virtue of some kind.  In fact, this zeal to have these great numbers also betrays a bit of lack of submission to God's will, where YOU are going to make it happen and not simply allow God to do as He wills.

    I've known some parents with one or two children who had serious issues that have caused them more grief and suffering than the burden experienced by those with a dozen children who have no such problems.

    Offline Christo Rege

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #16 on: September 23, 2022, 07:41:32 AM »
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  • My grandmother had eight children while her other fifteen siblings had none or had less than three. They grew up before Vatican II but soon those fifteen siblings fell away from the Faith.

    It is true God decides how many children are placed in each family. But unfortunately, in my extended family, I have seen agreements in frivolous marriages (which ended sorely, and are now in adultery). They even agree with Natural Family Planning, which in today’s society, IS used to prevent pregnancy. Only God knows how many couples actually canceled out three, four, five children He intended to give. 
    “The good God does not need years to accomplish His work of Love in a soul; one ray from His Heart can, in an instant, make His flower bloom for eternity.” 
    ~ St. Therese of Lisieux


    Offline Polymath

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #17 on: September 23, 2022, 07:54:36 AM »
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  • They even agree with Natural Family Planning, which in today’s society, IS used to prevent pregnancy. Only God knows how many couples actually canceled out three, four, five children He intended to give.

    I’ve written some poetry on that very subject, for those who haven’t seen the poetry thread:

    https://www.cathinfo.com/art-and-literature-for-catholics/user-poems/msg838699/#msg838699


    As for the other responses, I was hoping for more tangible things, descriptions of the little day-to-day things unique to large families that someone could picture.  Something more like a saying attributed to Anton Chekhov: “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”


    Offline The Mrs

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #18 on: September 23, 2022, 07:56:22 AM »
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  • THIS^^^, as I also wrote earlier.  It's not about the material aspect of how many children, but rather abuot the formal aspect of submitting to God's will.  Sometimes God wills a larger family, sometimes smaller.  I find that I am in the middle with six.  But my wife and I also got married later (she was nearly 30), and she's had a couple of miscarriages in there as well.  So the worldlings look down on us because we have too many, and the Trads who have more (10-12) look down on us for having "too few" ... as if this were some kind of contest.  I know one woman in particular who refuses to breast-feed so she can "knock one out" every 9 months, without the delay that naturally accompanies breast-feeding.  She's in some contest with her sister ... as if the quantity of children on its own is a virtue of some kind.  In fact, this zeal to have these great numbers also betrays a bit of lack of submission to God's will, where YOU are going to make it happen and not simply allow God to do as He wills.

    I've known some parents with one or two children who had serious issues that have caused them more grief and suffering than the burden experienced by those with a dozen children who have no such problems.
    Yup, my brother in law and his wife have been married for 13 years and have not been able to conceive.  They feel compelled to tell strangers of this very personal struggle when people make comments to them about their not having any children. Many assume they have no children for worldly reasons while they would be thrilled to have a large family.  It’s a cross they carry heroically.

    Offline MaterDominici

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #19 on: September 23, 2022, 11:27:12 PM »
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  • Aside from that though, one of the best things I love to see in my everyday life is my children happily playing together, laughing, and doing all the things that come naturally to good friends, but their best friends are their very own siblings 🥰.  
    My children don't recognize how much of a blessing this is. Some of them (not all) will lament not having many "friends", but their connections with each other are way stronger and more meaningful than any friends I've ever had.
    "I think that Catholicism, that's as sane as people can get."  - Jordan Peterson


    Offline jvk

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #20 on: September 24, 2022, 05:02:20 AM »
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  • Ok, so things unique to large families...oh my; where to start?!

    So when you come to our house, the first thing that you'd see would be several little children playing in the non-flower bed in the front yard.  It's now become a permanent dirt field for the boys (and girls).  I've given up on the flowers.  They've got a gamut of hand-made wooden toys (by older brothers) and rusty, well-used toys picked up at 50 cents at the Goodwill or a garage sale.  Oh, and my spoons and forks they've snuck outside when I wasn't looking--for digging implements.  Anyway, they'd stop and wave, and start following your vehicle.

    As you continue on down the driveway, more children ages 10 and below would come running out to greet you.  Probably their clothes, faces, and hands would be smudged with dirt, but they'd have huge grins on their faces.  As you get out your car, and visit with my husband, the older ones would drift over from whatever work they'd be doing and stand their listening.  Eventually I'd come out with the baby and the littlest toddler.  All the children would stand listening quietly, but if you'd happen to make eye contact with any of them, they'd interject their comments into the conversation.  And if you started talking to them, they'd soon be wanting to show you the animals.  Then they'd ask if you could stay to eat. 

    Meals are a constant barrage of "Pass this....Pass that...is there any more....?"  My house is constantly cluttered with toys, coats, discarded socks, books, papers, pens.  Christmas presents and birthdays are a gala event.  It's a source of anxiety for some to find the right gift for everyone, but they figure it out.  They either give something they own, make something, or use allowance money.  They play together all the time, they work hard together, and they have so much fun "remembering" (as they're getting older).  At nights, sometimes they sneak into the boy's room and my daughter tells them stories.  There are fights over who gets to use the bathroom next.  There are quarrels and hurt feelings, but no grudges.  By the next morning, usually, peace is restored between all parties.  When a big event is coming up, emotions and tension in the house run high.  Things can get REALLY loud then!  There is a lot of rough housing in the evening, (I have 9 boys), and usually someone gets hurt.  The olders help watch/entertain the youngers.  And the crazy things they come up with to do!!!!  I don't even ask anymore!  

    There is a lot of love, a LOT of noise, a lot of helping parents and each other, generosity, compromise, minor quarrels, did I mention noise?  A lot of LIFE in our house.  Never a dull moment, truly.  Thank goodness we live in the country!  

    Is that what you wanted?  If you need more, let me know ;)

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #21 on: September 24, 2022, 06:18:22 AM »
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  • Yup, my brother in law and his wife have been married for 13 years and have not been able to conceive.  They feel compelled to tell strangers of this very personal struggle when people make comments to them about their not having any children. Many assume they have no children for worldly reasons while they would be thrilled to have a large family.  It’s a cross they carry heroically.
    How sad but courageous of them for their perseverance and resignation to the will of God!  My godmother's daughter is in a similar situation...  It is heart-wrenching.  :pray:
    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #22 on: September 24, 2022, 06:19:01 AM »
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  • My children don't recognize how much of a blessing this is. Some of them (not all) will lament not having many "friends", but their connections with each other are way stronger and more meaningful than any friends I've ever had.
    Family make some of the best and most loyal of friends. :cowboy:
    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/


    Offline shimano

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #23 on: September 24, 2022, 06:20:17 AM »
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  • Ok, so things unique to large families...oh my; where to start?!

    So when you come to our house, the first thing that you'd see would be several little children playing in the non-flower bed in the front yard.  It's now become a permanent dirt field for the boys (and girls).  I've given up on the flowers.  They've got a gamut of hand-made wooden toys (by older brothers) and rusty, well-used toys picked up at 50 cents at the Goodwill or a garage sale.  Oh, and my spoons and forks they've snuck outside when I wasn't looking--for digging implements.  Anyway, they'd stop and wave, and start following your vehicle.

    As you continue on down the driveway, more children ages 10 and below would come running out to greet you.  Probably their clothes, faces, and hands would be smudged with dirt, but they'd have huge grins on their faces.  As you get out your car, and visit with my husband, the older ones would drift over from whatever work they'd be doing and stand their listening.  Eventually I'd come out with the baby and the littlest toddler.  All the children would stand listening quietly, but if you'd happen to make eye contact with any of them, they'd interject their comments into the conversation.  And if you started talking to them, they'd soon be wanting to show you the animals.  Then they'd ask if you could stay to eat.

    Meals are a constant barrage of "Pass this....Pass that...is there any more....?"  My house is constantly cluttered with toys, coats, discarded socks, books, papers, pens.  Christmas presents and birthdays are a gala event.  It's a source of anxiety for some to find the right gift for everyone, but they figure it out.  They either give something they own, make something, or use allowance money.  They play together all the time, they work hard together, and they have so much fun "remembering" (as they're getting older).  At nights, sometimes they sneak into the boy's room and my daughter tells them stories.  There are fights over who gets to use the bathroom next.  There are quarrels and hurt feelings, but no grudges.  By the next morning, usually, peace is restored between all parties.  When a big event is coming up, emotions and tension in the house run high.  Things can get REALLY loud then!  There is a lot of rough housing in the evening, (I have 9 boys), and usually someone gets hurt.  The olders help watch/entertain the youngers.  And the crazy things they come up with to do!!!!  I don't even ask anymore! 

    There is a lot of love, a LOT of noise, a lot of helping parents and each other, generosity, compromise, minor quarrels, did I mention noise?  A lot of LIFE in our house.  Never a dull moment, truly.  Thank goodness we live in the country! 

    Is that what you wanted?  If you need more, let me know ;)
    Norman Rockwell would be so inspired to do his next painting. :popcorn:

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #24 on: September 24, 2022, 06:24:27 AM »
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  • Ok, so things unique to large families...oh my; where to start?!

    So when you come to our house, the first thing that you'd see would be several little children playing in the non-flower bed in the front yard.  It's now become a permanent dirt field for the boys (and girls).  I've given up on the flowers.  They've got a gamut of hand-made wooden toys (by older brothers) and rusty, well-used toys picked up at 50 cents at the Goodwill or a garage sale.  Oh, and my spoons and forks they've snuck outside when I wasn't looking--for digging implements.  Anyway, they'd stop and wave, and start following your vehicle.

    As you continue on down the driveway, more children ages 10 and below would come running out to greet you.  Probably their clothes, faces, and hands would be smudged with dirt, but they'd have huge grins on their faces.  As you get out your car, and visit with my husband, the older ones would drift over from whatever work they'd be doing and stand their listening.  Eventually I'd come out with the baby and the littlest toddler.  All the children would stand listening quietly, but if you'd happen to make eye contact with any of them, they'd interject their comments into the conversation.  And if you started talking to them, they'd soon be wanting to show you the animals.  Then they'd ask if you could stay to eat.

    Meals are a constant barrage of "Pass this....Pass that...is there any more....?"  My house is constantly cluttered with toys, coats, discarded socks, books, papers, pens.  Christmas presents and birthdays are a gala event.  It's a source of anxiety for some to find the right gift for everyone, but they figure it out.  They either give something they own, make something, or use allowance money.  They play together all the time, they work hard together, and they have so much fun "remembering" (as they're getting older).  At nights, sometimes they sneak into the boy's room and my daughter tells them stories.  There are fights over who gets to use the bathroom next.  There are quarrels and hurt feelings, but no grudges.  By the next morning, usually, peace is restored between all parties.  When a big event is coming up, emotions and tension in the house run high.  Things can get REALLY loud then!  There is a lot of rough housing in the evening, (I have 9 boys), and usually someone gets hurt.  The olders help watch/entertain the youngers.  And the crazy things they come up with to do!!!!  I don't even ask anymore! 

    There is a lot of love, a LOT of noise, a lot of helping parents and each other, generosity, compromise, minor quarrels, did I mention noise?  A lot of LIFE in our house.  Never a dull moment, truly.  Thank goodness we live in the country! 

    Is that what you wanted?  If you need more, let me know ;)
    Wow!  I really loved reading your post and part of me wished you had kept writing more and never stopped.  Reminds me of my childhood growing up on the family farm (there were only seven of us though).  We definitely had the "dirt patch" in the front yard, and we're always taking silverware out to dig with.  I have purposely created a "dirt patch" for the boys and a rock garden with cars, balls, buckets and digging utensils all over hoping that I can then get some plants and herbs in the front to survive. 😅

    We just found out this week that baby #3 is another boy and I can relate (though only a little in comparison) to most of what you have said.  How I wish some of you ladies lived closer and we could all get together from time to time.  There are many homeschooling families in our area but not many traditional Catholic families for the boys to play with.  That itself is another reason we hope to have a big family, for the children to have lots of good support in the Faith and for entertainment.
    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/

    Offline CWA

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #25 on: September 24, 2022, 11:42:03 AM »
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  • I don't know if anyone mentioned it, but often children of large families learn to be less selfish, because they necessarily have to share things and/or are not the center of the universe so to speak, as they might be in a 1-2 child family.  


    Offline Polymath

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #26 on: September 24, 2022, 06:11:18 PM »
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  • Ok, so things unique to large families...oh my; where to start?!

    So when you come to our house, the first thing that you'd see would be several little children playing in the non-flower bed in the front yard.  It's now become a permanent dirt field for the boys (and girls).  I've given up on the flowers.  They've got a gamut of hand-made wooden toys (by older brothers) and rusty, well-used toys picked up at 50 cents at the Goodwill or a garage sale.  Oh, and my spoons and forks they've snuck outside when I wasn't looking--for digging implements.  Anyway, they'd stop and wave, and start following your vehicle.

    As you continue on down the driveway, more children ages 10 and below would come running out to greet you.  Probably their clothes, faces, and hands would be smudged with dirt, but they'd have huge grins on their faces.  As you get out your car, and visit with my husband, the older ones would drift over from whatever work they'd be doing and stand their listening.  Eventually I'd come out with the baby and the littlest toddler.  All the children would stand listening quietly, but if you'd happen to make eye contact with any of them, they'd interject their comments into the conversation.  And if you started talking to them, they'd soon be wanting to show you the animals.  Then they'd ask if you could stay to eat.

    Meals are a constant barrage of "Pass this....Pass that...is there any more....?"  My house is constantly cluttered with toys, coats, discarded socks, books, papers, pens.  Christmas presents and birthdays are a gala event.  It's a source of anxiety for some to find the right gift for everyone, but they figure it out.  They either give something they own, make something, or use allowance money.  They play together all the time, they work hard together, and they have so much fun "remembering" (as they're getting older).  At nights, sometimes they sneak into the boy's room and my daughter tells them stories.  There are fights over who gets to use the bathroom next.  There are quarrels and hurt feelings, but no grudges.  By the next morning, usually, peace is restored between all parties.  When a big event is coming up, emotions and tension in the house run high.  Things can get REALLY loud then!  There is a lot of rough housing in the evening, (I have 9 boys), and usually someone gets hurt.  The olders help watch/entertain the youngers.  And the crazy things they come up with to do!!!!  I don't even ask anymore! 

    There is a lot of love, a LOT of noise, a lot of helping parents and each other, generosity, compromise, minor quarrels, did I mention noise?  A lot of LIFE in our house.  Never a dull moment, truly.  Thank goodness we live in the country! 

    Is that what you wanted?  If you need more, let me know ;)

    Yes, this!!  Thank you!  If you have more, I’d love to hear it!

    Offline Christo Rege

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #27 on: September 24, 2022, 07:26:53 PM »
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  • The only thing I can hold near and dear to my heart in regards to large families is the memories made. 

    Imagine having lived your entire life and selfishly refusing to get married and not have children? Then, when such people become old, they are forever alone. 

    Make fond memories, that’s all I can say. I still look back on pictures of ten years, fifteen years, twenty years of happy memories that of course have passed, but are remembered. Possessions and worldly affairs mean nothing on the deathbed and even into eternity, but the souls of family members and the many children are forever existing into eternity! Now that is joy! 
    “The good God does not need years to accomplish His work of Love in a soul; one ray from His Heart can, in an instant, make His flower bloom for eternity.” 
    ~ St. Therese of Lisieux

    Offline 800 Cruiser

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    Re: Blessings of large families
    « Reply #28 on: Yesterday at 01:43:34 AM »
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  • Pretty much what JVK posted. 

    I would like to add-one of the most beautiful things is seeing all the children gather round (and fight over) the new baby!
    In my youth, I wanted two. Since then, I have grown to desire whatever Our Father chooses for us (I confess to desiring more than 7). 
    A large family is no problem, once you place yourself in submission to His will, doing what you are supposed to.