Author Topic: At what age is dating or courtship appropriate? (Read 1286 times)

curiouscatholic23 · « **on:** October 19, 2011, 01:09:55 AM »

Is dating/courtship appropriate for 16 year olds in high school? I have a 16 year old relative who is interested in traditional catholicism. He goes to public school and his parents are lapsed catholics, so he is surrounded by sin and impurity all the time.

He wants to have a girl come over to the house tomorrow (supervised) and he asked me what I thought, since I have been instructing him in the faith (the little I do know).

I told him I did not think it was appropriate since he still has over 1.5 years in high school left, he's got no job, and no career plan. I also told him that this modern idea of dating in high school just for the sake of dating is totally against God and ruins virginity. I told him the only purpose for dating is for finding a spouse, and at 16 years old he is too young.

Yet he pointed out to me that both sets of his grandparents who were catholics met in high school around the same age. This is before vatican 2 and in the 1948-1955 time period. One set of grandparents met around 17 years old, dated, went steady, took a break with the Korean War, then got married at around 21. Another set of grandparents met at 19 years old and were married by 21 years old. Clearly dating and "going steady" were the cultural norm pre-vatican 2.

How do I respond to his counter argument, and does he have a point? Should I have been more leanient?

ServantOfTheAlmighty · « **Reply #1 on:** October 19, 2011, 01:31:10 AM »

Point out to him that his grandparents were Catholic when they met in high school;
he's not (and probably neither is she).

He needs to focus on becoming a Catholic, first and foremost.

Remember what Christ said: "Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things will follow."

By the way, "going steady" means dating with marriage not being the goal.

LordPhan · « **Reply #2 on:** October 19, 2011, 02:04:46 AM »

You did good, you are quite correct that dating/courtship is only for the purpose of marriage, if I had time right now I'd find it, but I remeber reading something about keeping the company of women and it stated that both had to be able to marry. By keeping the company of women I do not mean relations I mean dating, I am really tired so noone please make something out of my words I know I'm not wording what I mean perfectly at the moment.

Anyhow you are right to have corrected them. There is no purpose to this dating, one makes friends of their own gender and unites in matrimony with one of the other gender.
If one cannot support a family, cannot gain employment and cannot provide for children one should not be courting.

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #3 on:** October 19, 2011, 09:21:35 AM »

As LP and ServantOfTheAlmighty said, the goal of courting is marriage. If you don't think the person you're courting is right for you, then after one or two "courts" you should end the relationship and not waste your time.

As far as what age to begin courting, I agree that 16 is a bit too young. If he wants to get to know the girl at that age without actually courting then that would be fine. Traditional Catholic dating sites list their lowest age of males and females at 18, so I'm guessing 18 is typically the best age to start. It might be ok to start at 17, but I don't know. I guess that would depend on maturity. I suggest starting at 18.

He needs to become a Traditional Catholic first, then when he's a little older he can focus on courting.

Catholic Samurai · « **Reply #4 on:** October 19, 2011, 11:50:34 AM »

Finish school, then get a job and a decent vehicle first. Women don't dig men who are unemployed and who can't at least take them out.

If your gonna catch Angelfish, you better have an aquarium to put her in. Otherwise, don't go fishing.