Author Topic: Are looks important in choosing a mate? (Read 14594 times)

InfiniteFaith · « **on:** August 08, 2014, 06:37:37 AM »

I think that everybody, both single and married, appreciates a good looking member of the opposite sex when they see one. Some people place more importance on looks than others. But I think this topic is an important one to address. Yes it is controversial. But at the same time, God may have intended it to be this way since He created people that are better looking than others. And I am referring to looks being an important factor when it comes to choosing a spouse. I am going to argue that looks are very important, but personality is just as important and maybe even a bit more important. probably 60/40 in favor of personality. Is this wrong to think this way? I don't have a clue. Am I shallow? Some probably think so, but I don't see it that way. Reason being, is because I am no different than any other person out there, and everyone is attracted to good looking people. I also sense that I have taken a lot of beatings because I myself am a good looking man. I suspect that others have been jealous of me and/or viewed me as a threat. So I get ganged up upon quite a bit. It stinks being good looking, but at the same time, it makes you believe that you have a chance to be with someone who is also good looking. But for even attempting to be with that person, you might take some beatings. Like myself. You might not even get the chance to talk to that person before taking some beatings. Thats how it is. Then people tell me I should go for someone who is more average. But the fact that I know I am good looking, makes me feel like I am settling for less. And yes, I know that sounds awful. But its like putting a plate full of food in front of a dog and telling him not to eat. Its kinda like torture. It is torture. Everyone wants to be with a good looking person. But good looking people want to be with each other. This is generally speaking. Is love possible between a good looking person and a not so good looking person? Of course. But good looking people aim for other people who are good looking. If you can have a good looking person and love at the same time then thats what I want. I don't see a problem with that. Of course it is difficult to find a mate thinking like this. I am 31 years old now, and haven't found that special one yet. It could be a while longer at this rate.

Do looks matter? How much do they matter in choosing your future spouse? What do you think?

Matthew · « **Reply #1 on:** August 08, 2014, 06:55:13 AM »

Quote from: InfiniteFaith

Then people tell me I should go for someone who is more average. But the fact that I know I am good looking, makes me feel like I am settling for less. And yes, I know that sounds awful.

What do you think?

I think we found the key to your problem -- why you're still single. And until you "get over yourself", you're likely to remain that way.

There are few guys that consider themselves "average". Everyone thinks he's hot stuff, even if he's decidedly average or even below-average.

And looks aren't everything -- for a man, or a woman. If you're as studly as you think you are, you still might have a crappy personality (stuck up, proud, etc.) or have other issues (selfish, lazy, unmotivated, etc.)

colombiano · « **Reply #2 on:** August 08, 2014, 07:51:21 AM »

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/embed/EBZYylhg9Io[/youtube]

BTNYC · « **Reply #3 on:** August 08, 2014, 11:11:11 AM »

Unless the OP is a teenager, the content of the post is pretty inexcusably immature - even effeminate.

Marriage should be the last thing on your mind. Practice self denial and mortifications. Pray and fast. Overcome your slavery to concupiscible passions. Talk to a good Traditional priest.

Follow that prescription and, with time, you will have worked off enough of your softness to start considering the vocation of husband.

songbird · « **Reply #4 on:** August 08, 2014, 11:27:42 AM »

Mercy Sakes! Love is in the Eyes of the Beholder! BUT, my son is 38 and not married but that does not mean anything, except he is looking for the right religion. Times are evil as we know. So, I just told our son to keep it to prayer and if God wants marriage for you, he will see to it.

Luker · « **Reply #5 on:** August 08, 2014, 11:36:48 AM »

I found a little book reprinting St John Chrysostom's Homilies on Marriage. It has some very interesting thoughts from the great Saint and doctor of the Church. One quote that particularly stood out in mind was this (paraphrasing from memory);

If you marry a woman for her beauty you will be happy for a month; if you marry a woman for her money you will be happy for a year; if you marry a woman for her Christian virtue you will be happy for the rest of your life.

Sound advice I think for both men and women seeking a spouse.

And this quote from St Augustine comes to mind as well:

Beauty is indeed a good gift of God; but that the good may not think it a great good, God dispenses it even to the wicked.

Saint Augustine

Mabel · « **Reply #6 on:** August 08, 2014, 12:30:50 PM »

If you are worried about that, you don't need to think about getting married. You need to think about getting over yourself and your vanity. No woman in their right mind would want to marry a man who talks like that. Secondly, most guys think they are better looking in their own minds than in reality. How do I know that? I know and have known so many unattractive men who are holding out for a pretty wife. They are all 32-45, single, and have passed up all the good Catholic girls, in order to not settle for less.

You should be asking yourself how you can deal with the faults that are making you an undesirable match for a Catholic wife because that is why you haven't found one.

OHCA · « **Reply #7 on:** August 08, 2014, 12:46:27 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

Quote from: InfiniteFaith
Then people tell me I should go for someone who is more average. But the fact that I know I am good looking, makes me feel like I am settling for less. And yes, I know that sounds awful.

What do you think?

. . .If you're as studly as you think you are, you still might have a crappy personality (stuck up, proud, etc.) or have other issues (selfish, lazy, unmotivated, etc.)

I think in IF's case a lot of it falls in the "Other-Etc." category. Perhaps he presents with as little thought, tact, and self-awareness in real life as he does here on CI.

SenzaDubbio · « **Reply #8 on:** August 08, 2014, 12:52:01 PM »

Physical looks are of the least importance. If they are (traditional) Catholic is of great importance.

OHCA · « **Reply #9 on:** August 08, 2014, 12:52:45 PM »

It's Hard To Be Humble

Luker · « **Reply #10 on:** August 08, 2014, 01:29:07 PM »

Quote from: Mabel

If you are worried about that, you don't need to think about getting married. You need to think about getting over yourself and your vanity. No woman in their right mind would want to marry a man who talks like that. Secondly, most guys think they are better looking in their own minds than in reality. How do I know that? I know and have known so many unattractive men who are holding out for a pretty wife. They are all 32-45, single, and have passed up all the good Catholic girls, in order to not settle for less.

You should be asking yourself how you can deal with the faults that are making you an undesirable match for a Catholic wife because that is why you haven't found one.

This pocket of good Catholic girls that are getting passed over, where are they ? Wanna drop us average but decent Catholic guys some hints ?!? :wink:

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** August 08, 2014, 02:08:30 PM »

Quote from: songbird

Mercy Sakes! Love is in the Eyes of the Beholder! BUT, my son is 38 and not married but that does not mean anything, except he is looking for the right religion. Times are evil as we know. So, I just told our son to keep it to prayer and if God wants marriage for you, he will see to it.

Speaking for myself, I was CERTAINLY not saying anything about your son. There are plenty of men that just haven't found "the one" yet, and that can be for a variety of reasons. Some guys have a hard time getting established, some are very isolated, at least from a significant number of Traditional Catholics. Some are shy, have confidence issues, etc.

I have no problem with any of them.

I was strictly saying that I believe I've found InfiniteFaith's problem. Just the fact that he considers himself good-looking (which is very typical, by the way) and yet he's still single... that calls for a bit of a closer look.

Matthew · « **Reply #12 on:** August 08, 2014, 02:20:15 PM »

The answer is simple.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/embed/7myjFBwDlIk[/youtube]

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things
that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Sax solo

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

tdrev123 · « **Reply #13 on:** August 08, 2014, 02:21:04 PM »

Looks and the beauty of a woman should be very far down the list of things in a good spouse, but I do think you have to be at least attracted to them, or imagine (without sinning) if you will be attracted to them when married.

Marlelar · « **Reply #14 on:** August 08, 2014, 02:22:43 PM »

Looks fade, character lasts.

Looks only matter so long as YOU like the look of your spouse, regardless of what others may think. Trophy wives/husbands have about as much depth as that bowling trophy that sits on the shelf.

Read a chapter in the book of Proverbs everyday for practical advice on what kind of man to be and what type of woman to look for.

Marsha