Author Topic: America and courting 18-year-old virgins (Read 62938 times)

Telesphorus · « **Reply #585 on:** March 28, 2011, 08:55:23 PM »

Quote from: Raoul76

Tele, I told you to shut it. You should have listened.

You don't see how you're coming off. It doesn't matter if you're wrong or right. You are coming off as hard-headed and obsessive.

It does matter that I'm right - and it matters that they're wrong. Because these people with their modern liberal attitudes are destroying traditional Catholicism.

Quote

This is why innocent people, even though innocent, have LAWYERS, because just going up there and spewing out the full truth, unfortunately, often makes us sound crazy. You have to have an objective sense of how you sound.

Sure Raoul, but I'm not on trial. If stating my views makes people angry it says more about them than about me.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #586 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:03:10 PM »

Quote from: SpiritusSanctus

Quote from: MaterDominici
Quote from: SpiritusSanctus
IMO, 18 is too young to marry. Anywhere from 22-25 would be a good age to marry. There's nothing wrong with dating at 18, but marriage at 18 is too young. If I were you, I would just pray that God sends another girl into your life (old enough to marry). God clearly didn't will that you marry this girl.

If you're too young to marry, then you're too young to date.

Not exactly. Relationships these days generally take anywhere from 2-5 years to "mature" if you will before marriage takes place, with the exception of some of the modern-day couples who think they're ready to marry after only a year or so. My brother dated for 5 years before marriage came, and he started dating at 18.

That's what the Church teaches SS - you're not supposed to date before you're old enough for marriage. Not that most trads actually put that into practice.

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #587 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:20:49 PM »

Tele, I basically meant that in order to marry at 18, you'd have to start dating at around the age of 16 or so, that's pretty young. Surely you believe in dating and THEN marrying after a while, don't you?

Telesphorus · « **Reply #588 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:25:21 PM »

Quote from: SpiritusSanctus

Tele, I basically meant that in order to marry at 18, you'd have to start dating at around the age of 16 or so, that's pretty young. Surely you believe in dating and THEN marrying after a while, don't you?

Catholic courtship has one end in mind, and it's not to "gain experience."

The idea that one should date for two years before marrying is not a Catholic idea SS. Sorry.

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #589 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:37:17 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: SpiritusSanctus
Tele, I basically meant that in order to marry at 18, you'd have to start dating at around the age of 16 or so, that's pretty young. Surely you believe in dating and THEN marrying after a while, don't you?

Catholic courtship has one end in mind, and it's not to "gain experience."

The idea that one should date for two years before marrying is not a Catholic idea SS. Sorry.

I didn't say two years specifically. Do you think a couple should get engaged after just a few days of knowing each other?

Telesphorus · « **Reply #590 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:40:09 PM »

Quote from: MrsZ

It's the anger and the petty attacks on the girls' father (

I have plenty of reason to be angry at him. He is the petty one. It would cost him nothing to treat me with decency and respect - he can't and he won't. Telling your daughter not to say hello -telling your daughter not to admit anything? Getting someone kicked out of church over this?

That's pettiness.

The man is twisted and arrogant. His pride is what matters - if he does evil to someone else it's nothing to him so long as he keeps his "honor" that smells like chicken droppings.

MaterDominici · « **Reply #591 on:** March 28, 2011, 11:38:32 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: SpiritusSanctus
Many relationships that result in marriage after a very short amount of time spent dating don't end up working out. Marriage is a big thing, you can't just date for a year and then say "Ok, let's get married".

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. A year is too short? SS - you're proving my point that the objections to my point of view are coming from non-Catholic sources - from this culture and its non-Christian attitudes.

Saying it takes a few years to get married is really just a hop skip and jump away from authorizing pre-marital cohabitation. It's not normal to see a woman one is thinking about marrying for years without consummating the relationship.

Spot on, Tele.
Our priest said the same during our pre-marriage classes. The period of engagement is a necessary evil, and a long engagement (or courtship) is an occassion for sin.

I first ~~spoke~~ wrote to my husband less than 9 months before our wedding day. We haven't been married exceptionally long, but we're certainly not a dismal failure.

Emerentiana · « **Reply #592 on:** March 29, 2011, 11:08:00 AM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: MrsZ
It's the anger and the petty attacks on the girls' father (

I have plenty of reason to be angry at him. He is the petty one. It would cost him nothing to treat me with decency and respect - he can't and he won't. Telling your daughter not to say hello -telling your daughter not to admit anything? Getting someone kicked out of church over this?

That's pettiness.

The man is twisted and arrogant. His pride is what matters - if he does evil to someone else it's nothing to him so long as he keeps his "honor" that smells like chicken droppings.

Well, Tele, fathers are very protective of their daughters. My husband chased my oldest daughter's boyfriend off our 10 acre property with an ATV! My daughter persisted seeing him and they got married (mixed marriage). She later divorced him.
I think you should go and privately talk to the father, and find out his objections.
Any relationship takes virtue. Perserverence and humility are important. If the girl is woth having as a wife, YOU have to put your pride aside, not the father! [/b]

Matthew · « **Reply #593 on:** March 29, 2011, 11:15:16 AM »

Quote from: MaterDominici

Quote from: Telesphorus
Quote from: SpiritusSanctus
Many relationships that result in marriage after a very short amount of time spent dating don't end up working out. Marriage is a big thing, you can't just date for a year and then say "Ok, let's get married".

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. A year is too short? SS - you're proving my point that the objections to my point of view are coming from non-Catholic sources - from this culture and its non-Christian attitudes.

Saying it takes a few years to get married is really just a hop skip and jump away from authorizing pre-marital cohabitation. It's not normal to see a woman one is thinking about marrying for years without consummating the relationship.

Spot on, Tele.
Our priest said the same during our pre-marriage classes. The period of engagement is a necessary evil, and a long engagement (or courtship) is an occassion for sin.

I first ~~spoke~~ wrote to my husband less than 9 months before our wedding day. We haven't been married exceptionally long, but we're certainly not a dismal failure.

We were both older and more "mature" than someone right out of high school, so we got to know each other sufficiently in that time. We were done growing up (NOT TRUE for someone only 18). We knew ourselves well, and what we wanted in a spouse.

Our time spent together was all quality time, getting to know the important things about each other. When you talk for hours about important topics -- you learn a lot. Watching TV or playing mini-putt golf -- not so much.

I'd like to add:

Once you decide you're going to marry someone, it's better to "get going and do it", just for reasons of prudence. Six months is a good trade-off between lowering the period of temptation, while not making it look like a shotgun wedding.

Six months is a good length of engagement; which is why you shouldn't fraternize with the opposite sex unless you're ready to be married. Have two more years of college? Keep your nose in the books. I know it's hard, but it's even harder to want to marry someone for YEARS. A year would seem like a decade.

Catholic Samurai · « **Reply #594 on:** March 29, 2011, 11:22:30 AM »

Quote from: Emerentiana

Well, Tele, fathers are very protective of their daughters. My husband chased my oldest daughter's boyfriend off our 10 acre property with an ATV! My daughter persisted seeing him and they got married (mixed marriage). She later divorced him.
[/b]

Yall didn't have a shotgun? A round would have changed the course of history! :stare:

Emerentiana · « **Reply #595 on:** March 29, 2011, 11:30:49 AM »

Quote from: Catholic Samurai

Quote from: Emerentiana

Well, Tele, fathers are very protective of their daughters. My husband chased my oldest daughter's boyfriend off our 10 acre property with an ATV! My daughter persisted seeing him and they got married (mixed marriage). She later divorced him.
[/b]

Yall didn't have a shotgun? A round would have changed the course of history! :stare:

:roll-laugh1: :roll-laugh1: Yes it would have, Samurai. And you dont really know how much it would have!!!!

Telesphorus · « **Reply #596 on:** March 29, 2011, 12:01:54 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

Six months is a good length of engagement;

Really it's probably too long most of the time if you ask me.

I think Pre Cana is very bad.

Once again I think Catholics need to look to their history and to reject modern customs which have been put in place because of the war against Christianity.

As was pointed out in another thread, only 14% of Catholics polled objected to premarital sex. If they really believed Catholic teachings they would think that avoiding temptation is far more important than having a long engagement.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #597 on:** March 29, 2011, 12:04:05 PM »

Quote from: Catholic Samurai

Yall didn't have a shotgun? A round would have changed the course of history! :stare:

Making light of shooting someone.

I've come to understand why there are so many murders south of the border. Pride and murder walk hand in hand.

Matthew · « **Reply #598 on:** March 29, 2011, 12:05:59 PM »

Six months is a typical length; however if you had older individuals involved it might be reduced by even half.

I find that it takes several months just to plan a wedding.

Have you ever planned a wedding, Tele?

I'm not talking about the over-the-top, go into debt for 10 years wedding where the woman wants to be "queen for a day" with a consultant, wedding insurance, and swan rental.

We had a pretty basic wedding, and we were kept plenty busy with all the mundane details of the Mass (music) and reception.

Remember, everyone involved still has a job. Life goes on even during your wedding planning. Wedding planning can't be done "full time" unless you're both unemployed or something.

Matthew · « **Reply #599 on:** March 29, 2011, 12:07:25 PM »

Quote from: Telesphorus

Quote from: Catholic Samurai
Yall didn't have a shotgun? A round would have changed the course of history! :stare:

Making light of shooting someone.

I've come to understand why there are so many murders south of the border. Pride and murder walk hand in hand.

1. He was kidding.

2. I think he was suggesting shooting over his head, as a warning shot -- not aiming right for the guy :)

He was saying that if the aim was the scare the guy away, an ATV just doesn't do the job. You need firearms.