Our daughter may be almost to the age of majority and soon will be able to vote, marry and die for her country all without our approval BUT she has been in our care for 18 years and we are not about to just duct tape our mouths shut and watch her enter into a marriage (or other major life decision) with no input from us just because a day passes on the calendar.
It's not a question of you being allowed to say what you want. It's a question of whether or not the Catholic religion obliges her to obey you.
We also know our daughter much better than any man who has observed her at church for a few months. We know her strengths and weaknesses and whether or not she is ready for marriage. The age the church and civil authorities sets as the age for marriage is the MINIMUM age.
No, it isn't the minimum age for marriage. A girl can marry younger with parental consent, and in the past it was even younger than 18. The day before the 18th birthday is the maximum age that parents can assert a veto.
The earliest age at which a young person can reasonably be expected to have what it takes to enter into a marriage, that far from says that all 18 year olds are ready to marry.
Once again, it's certainly possible marry at a younger age. At age 18, it's no longer the decision of the parents. At that point it's not up to the parents to decide she isn't ready - it's up to her. Only before that point can parents make a binding judgement that a girl isn't ready.
Children who have a good relationship with their parents will continue to seek their counsel far past the age of majority.
Sure, no one said they shouldn't. But we're not talking about counsel. We're talking about some freak who doesn't want his daughter to say hello to someone without his permission.
My husband's siblings all call their parents frequently, the daughters almost daily, to talk to their mom and dad. Not to get permission but to get their advice, they after all have been married and raising children and living in the world for 50 years, shouldn't their opinion have some weight? If your young lady was ready to run from her parents house to yours, was willing to sever her relationship with them because she had exchanged glances with you a few times...that would really concern me.
It would concern me if she was willing to run away when her parents gave her some measure of freedom. However if parents refused to recognize the limits of their authority and insisted on total control then a decision to run away would be understandable.
What kind of family would she be willing to leave behind for a man she barely knew?
OK, back to you. If I understand correctly you have never had a real conversation with this young woman or anyone in her family. Just greetings and glances, right? And then the parents noticed and we all know what happened after that.
A better way would have been to befriend the family or the parents FIRST. If they knew that were a Catholic, gainfully employed man that they and their daughter got along with, agreed with when it came to major issues....and after that relationship is established you talk to the parent(s) about your intentions towards their daughter. If you show no respect for the parents they have no reason to think that you are going to show any respect for their daughter.
I showed them plenty of respect - until I realized they were acting in bad faith.
In history large age gaps may have been the norm, they are not now.
And that doesn't matter. Being Catholic isn't the norm. Large families aren't the norm. Premarital chastity isn't the norm. And there are plenty of marriages today with large age gaps.
Labeling it as modernist thinking or feminism is purposeless, it doesn't change the fact it is just not the norm and hasn't been for close to a hundred years.
When society changes there are reasons for it. Those reasons could be good or bad. To say it's purposeless to ascertain the reason for changes in determining whether those changes should be respected is silly.
You can pull out history books and catechism quotes until you are blue in the face
That's exactly right - because they don't care about what the Church teaches or about tradition.
it isn't going to make the parents of an 18 year old open their arms to a 32 year old potential son-in-law.
That's right. But it's not about them opening their arms, it's about them thinking they're right to have me kicked out of church.
If they get to know you, know YOU, not just 'that 32 year old creeper making eyes at our precious child', then and only then will you have a chance of making your age secondary to the fact that in all the ways that really matter you would make a good choice for their daughter.
Listen lady, once again, you don't seem to get it. It's not their decision.
You can either learn from this experience, Tele or continue down this bitter and angry path which you are airing publically on the Internet. I don't know who you are and where you go to Mass (n or do I want to know) but from what I understand quite a few people do and the trad cath world is a very small one. This thread will not impress any future wives or their families.
I deserve an apology, and I expect an apology. I have been unjustly treated. I don't care about the views of pharisees. When my circuŠ¼stances are improved I will have no trouble marrying a girl - and I've learned something about Traditional Catholics - the vast majority of them are not serious.
All that said, I married against my mother's wishes and I married a man 10 years older than myself after we had only known each other 9 months and we've been married almost 20 years. I'd kill my daughter if she pulled the same stunt. :wink:
Right. There you go. So your position is entirely hypocritical.
The people who don't care about Church teachings on this matter, but continue to bump this thread to attack me, are hypocrites.
Topic: America and courting 18-year-old virgins (Read 62891 times)