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Author Topic: Advice on immodest adult daughter  (Read 2358 times)

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Offline Giovanni Berto

Re: Advice on immodest adult daughter
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2026, 08:02:22 PM »
I am sorry to hear about it.

I believe that there's a deeper reason for this. She probably does not take the faith seriously, otherwise she would not show it so explicitly through her clothes. It might be that she felt controlled and restrained while growing up, and, now that she is an adult, has rebelled against the education that she has received.

I am not sure that there's a lot that you can do for her at this point, besides prayers and sacrifices. Even if you can convince her to wear proper female clothes, she has to make a real conversion, but just externally. This is such a terrible age, the 20s.

Use the influence that you still have on her to try to understand what is wrong and try to remedy it. I mean, it is not about clothes, there's something deeper wrong there.
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Offline Caminus

Re: Advice on immodest adult daughter
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2026, 08:03:50 PM »
Yes we have other children in the house. In fact we brought this up numerous times with her regarding the scandal and confusion caused. 

To the other, we didn't remove her because she has no place to go realistically and her removal would have led to even greater evils as far as I can judge.
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Offline Matthew

  • Mod
Re: Advice on immodest adult daughter
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2026, 08:10:28 PM »
Quote from: Caminus on February 26, 2026, 08:03:50 PM
Yes we have other children in the house. In fact we brought this up numerous times with her regarding the scandal and confusion caused.

To the other, we didn't remove her because she has no place to go realistically and her removal would have led to even greater evils as far as I can judge.

Yes, I sympathize with that. On the one hand, kicking a child out of the house is the "nuclear option" or final trump card, which COULD knock sense into them and force them to enter into themselves.
BUT...if they are choleric or headstrong (willful) enough, it will do no good, and then they will just be in a worse situation. At least if you can keep them close to home, you can "mitigate the damage" as it were. 
Kind of like "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Not saying she's an enemy, but you know what I mean.

So it's for the prudence of the parents. I would talk to a wise priest about it, where you could give some of the important, personal details of the situation. Maybe he could help advise you on what to do next.
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Offline jen51

Re: Advice on immodest adult daughter
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2026, 08:17:08 PM »
Quote from: Caminus on February 26, 2026, 08:03:50 PM
Yes we have other children in the house. In fact we brought this up numerous times with her regarding the scandal and confusion caused.

To the other, we didn't remove her because she has no place to go realistically and her removal would have led to even greater evils as far as I can judge.
What a difficult situation!! I am very sorry to hear of it, and I will put her and your family in my prayer intentions tonight.

Can I ask what she does to occupy her time? Is there some sort of employment she could have- not like waiting tables or something like that, but tutoring for a nice Catholic family, nannying… something to keep her busy but around good Catholic influences? She is at an impressionable age and sometimes young people will fall in line with someone else they respect, despite you as parents having the same principles.  I completely understand your reluctance to put her out, it would be disastrous for her most likely.

Like Matthew said, hopefully you can get some good guidance from a trusted priest. 
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Offline Matthew

  • Mod
Re: Advice on immodest adult daughter
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2026, 08:20:22 PM »
Quote from: Giovanni Berto on February 26, 2026, 08:02:22 PM
I believe that there's a deeper reason for this. She probably does not take the faith seriously, otherwise she would not show it so explicitly through her clothes. It might be that she felt controlled and restrained while growing up, and, now that she is an adult, has rebelled against the education that she has received.

I am not sure that there's a lot that you can do for her at this point, besides prayers and sacrifices. Even if you can convince her to wear proper female clothes, she has to make a real conversion, but just externally. This is such a terrible age, the 20s.

Use the influence that you still have on her to try to understand what is wrong and try to remedy it. I mean, it is not about clothes, there's something deeper wrong there.


This is my impression as well.

Women are very sensitive to peer pressure in their environment, they value and want what (and who!) women around them value and want. This is true in almost every case.
Related fact: women are FAR more vulnerable to the power and influence of "advertising" than men. In my opinion, if I were to put a number on it, I'd say AT LEAST 10X as malleable.

Of course, there is always Original Sin. But the first thought is "who is she looking up to or wanting to fit in with?"
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