Author Topic: Advice on how to lead a morally upstanding life as a young christian man? (Read 4982 times)

Desmond · « **on:** February 21, 2016, 04:17:46 AM »

As you may know, I've opted for a celibate lifestyle a few months ago, in an attempt to avoid sin and wordly corruption.

It's gone extremely well and in fact I now rarely even get a glimpse of a carnal thought.

However, lately, in the last weeks or so, the world started to lure me back, with desires of companionship and haunting memories of my past romantic life.

Not at all sinful, yet temptations to try once again to mingle with what I know to be dangers.

It is true God created Man and Woman to be together, and I find the prospect of living the rest of my life alone, but living among people (heathens at that) unbearably bleak.

Now the obvious solution is to marry, as the Gospel itself suggest.

However that (finding a chaste honest religious mate) is de facto impossible, for me at least.

Now, my utmost desire would be to live a heremitic life, away from all people and temptations, but given how that's impossible, and I'm going to daily be exposed to reminders and allures of an alternative lifestyle ("normal life" by today's standards) I frankly do not know what to do.

Any help is appreciated, because if I have to be honest, I'm starting to realise emotions are clouding my judgement and I'm losing my cool, calculated and clear rational mind.

Thanks in advance.

Jaynek · « **Reply #1 on:** February 21, 2016, 06:37:37 AM »

Are you sure that God is calling you to permanent celibacy? God said that it is not good for man to be alone and created woman as his companion. That is the norm for humanity. Permanent celibacy is a special vocation in which God calls people to sacrifice this good gift for His sake. That is not what you have described in your post.

When the decision for celibacy is based on a sacrifice made for the love of God, one gains strength to deal with its difficulties by keeping one's focus on one's motive. What you seem to be saying is that you have despaired of finding a spouse. Despair is not from God. It is not a good a foundation for celibacy and will inevitably lead to problems.

Desmond · « **Reply #2 on:** February 21, 2016, 07:17:12 AM »

Quote from: Jaynek

Are you sure that God is calling you to permanent celibacy? God said that it is not good for man to be alone and created woman as his companion. That is the norm for humanity. Permanent celibacy is a special vocation in which God calls people to sacrifice this good gift for His sake. That is not what you have described in your post.

When the decision for celibacy is based on a sacrifice made for the love of God, one gains strength to deal with its difficulties by keeping one's focus on one's motive. What you seem to be saying is that you have despaired of finding a spouse. Despair is not from God. It is not a good a foundation for celibacy and will inevitably lead to problems.

Yes you got it exactly right. My decision for celibacy is based on a realisation it is nearly impossible to find (and mantain) a proper relationship with a suitable mate.
I left my 6 years long fiancé because of her stubborn godmocking ways (among other things), after trying to convince her to follow a proper conduct.

Then all was fine till very recently when what I outlined above happened.

The problem is, there is no alternative to celibacy, and trying to date someone (ie even the most morally upright women from a secular standard) is probably going to achieve nothing past exposing myself to unnecessary temptation.

So yes, it is a voluntary, albeit exogenously forced, situation.

Jaynek · « **Reply #3 on:** February 21, 2016, 08:32:14 AM »

Things might go better if you thought in terms of chastity rather than celibacy. Everyone is called to chastity, but the form of it varies according to one's state of life. While one is single, chastity means abstaining from all sɛҳuąƖ relations. However, one is open to God bringing a spouse into one's life.

You sound like you have been hurt and have chosen celibacy to prevent yourself from further hurt. That is not a good reason to close oneself to the possibility that God's will for one's life is marriage. It is important that we commit ourselves to doing God's will before any other consideration.

There are Saints whom we can invoke for help with purity and chastity and you may find it helpful to get in the habit of saying these prayers frequently. Here are some examples:

Quote

Father and protector of chastity,
glorious Saint Joseph,
in whose faithful custody was entrusted the very Innocence,
Jesus Christ and the Virgin of virgins, Mary;
for this twofold and most loved token,
Jesus and Mary,
I pray and plead you to help me always
to purely serve Jesus and Mary
with an uncontaminated soul,
pure heart and a chaste body.

This one is written by St. Thomas Aquinas, known for his chastity:

Quote

Dearest Jesus! I know well that every perfect gift, and above all others that of chastity, depends upon the most powerful assistance of Your Providence, and that without You a creature can do nothing. Therefore, I pray You to defend, with Your grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body. And if I have ever received through my senses any impression that could stain my chastity and purity, may You, Who are the Supreme Lord of all my powers, take it from me, that I may with an immaculate heart advance in Your love and service, offering myself chaste all the days of my life on the most pure altar of Your Divinity.

As well as increasing your prayers, it is helpful to seek the Sacraments more often. If it is not possible to attend weekday Masses, at least get in the habit of making spiritual communions throughout the day. (This is a good thing even if you do attend Mass.) Also consider going to Confession more often. Sacraments are the greatest sources of strength.

McCork · « **Reply #4 on:** February 21, 2016, 08:46:36 AM »

Quote from: Desmond

However that (finding a chaste honest religious mate) is de facto impossible, for me at least.

A "chaste honest religious mate" is one who is a pious practicing traditional Catholic, particularly one who has been doing so steadily since childhood. Just become one, have some patience, and there will be a mate in the future.

Desmond · « **Reply #5 on:** February 21, 2016, 10:37:01 AM »

Quote from: Jaynek

You sound like you have been hurt and have chosen celibacy to prevent yourself from further hurt. That is not a good reason to close oneself to the possibility that God's will for one's life is marriage. It is important that we commit ourselves to doing God's will before any other consideration.

No actually I chose celibacy to prevent committing any more sins, given how most women/girls I've ever met are nowhere near religious, let alone chaste.
If those are the cards one's dealt, there are very few options.

Maybe many on here have not a clear picture, given how most of you seem to be living in the US, and in/around traditional Catholic communities on top of that, but where I'm living, makes Sodom and Gomorrah look like a walk in the park.

Quote from: Jaynek

There are Saints whom we can invoke for help with purity and chastity and you may find it helpful to get in the habit of saying these prayers frequently. Here are some examples:
Quote
Father and protector of chastity,
glorious Saint Joseph,
in whose faithful custody was entrusted the very Innocence,
Jesus Christ and the Virgin of virgins, Mary;
for this twofold and most loved token,
Jesus and Mary,
I pray and plead you to help me always
to purely serve Jesus and Mary
with an uncontaminated soul,
pure heart and a chaste body.

This one is written by St. Thomas Aquinas, known for his chastity:
Quote
Dearest Jesus! I know well that every perfect gift, and above all others that of chastity, depends upon the most powerful assistance of Your Providence, and that without You a creature can do nothing. Therefore, I pray You to defend, with Your grace, chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body. And if I have ever received through my senses any impression that could stain my chastity and purity, may You, Who are the Supreme Lord of all my powers, take it from me, that I may with an immaculate heart advance in Your love and service, offering myself chaste all the days of my life on the most pure altar of Your Divinity.

Thank you, I will.
But chastity is not a problem at all.
Celibacy seems to start being one however.

Quote from: Jaynek

As well as increasing your prayers, it is helpful to seek the Sacraments more often. If it is not possible to attend weekday Masses, at least get in the habit of making spiritual communions throughout the day. (This is a good thing even if you do attend Mass.) Also consider going to Confession more often. Sacraments are the greatest sources of strength.

Thank you, but I have no access to the Sacraments nor any legitimate Mass.
Only N.O. stuff (there is an indult weekly mass not far though, but I'm reluctant).

Desmond · « **Reply #6 on:** February 21, 2016, 10:39:39 AM »

Quote from: McCork

A "chaste honest religious mate" is one who is a pious practicing traditional Catholic, particularly one who has been doing so steadily since childhood.

True. N.O. seem to be only slightly above atheists, with a few exceptions.

Heck, I was much more moral and chaste in my atheistic days than most "catholics" I know.

Quote

Just become one,

You mean, convert to McCorkism?

Quote

have some patience, and there will be a mate in the future.

Well, I am 30 already. And how do you know Providence' plan doesn't involve me doing actively something?

McCork · « **Reply #7 on:** February 21, 2016, 01:56:51 PM »

Quote from: Desmond

Quote from: McCork

A "chaste honest religious mate" is one who is a pious practicing traditional Catholic, particularly one who has been doing so steadily since childhood.

True. N.O. seem to be only slightly above atheists, with a few exceptions.

Heck, I was much more moral and chaste in my atheistic days than most "catholics" I know.

Quote
Just become one,

You mean, convert to McCorkism?

Quote
have some patience, and there will be a mate in the future.

Well, I am 30 already. And how do you know Providence' plan doesn't involve me doing actively something?

Your first step is the Faith, for which you already said after 3 years you cannot even discern the "basic tenets" of Catholicism. That is absolutely deplorable because there is nothing difficult about it. You are your own worst enemy. I gave you advice a month ago - spend your time on what has priority and get your faith straight. Stop trying to have "fun" sparing with Catholics and getting a thrill out of how you can out-think some of them when reasoning.

Nadir · « **Reply #8 on:** February 21, 2016, 02:37:17 PM »

Maybe you need to move, seeing things are a desert where you are. You should live in a place where the True Mass is available to you. It is not safe to live in such a jungle as you describe.

Besides, although 30 is late for marriage, it is not too late by a long shot.

(Personal note: I married my husband when he was 41 and I 35). All is not lost. But, whether or not you are to marry, you still need the grace of the Sacraments. This should be your first priority and the rest will fall into place.

There is a woman out there who finds herself unable to marry because of the lack of a good man. You can find her with the assistance of the Archangel Raphael.

Quote

Glorious Saint Raphael, Patron and lover of the young, I feel the need of calling to you and of pleading for your help. In all confidence I open my heart to you to beg your guidance and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Obtain for me through your intercession the light of God’s grace so that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand to find each other. May all our movements be guided by your light and transfigured by your joy. As you led the young Tobias to Sara and opened up a new life of happiness with her to holy marriage, lead me to such a one whom in your angelic wisdom you judge best suited to be united with me in marriage.

or

Quote

Saint Raphael, loving Patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me as a help‑mate in life the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus and Mary. May she be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to our care.

And when you've found her:

Quote

Saint Raphael, Angel of chaste courtship, bless our friendship and our love that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer your prayers to God for the both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as you were the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobias and Sara

Desmond · « **Reply #9 on:** February 22, 2016, 03:40:42 AM »

Quote from: Nadir

Maybe you need to move, seeing things are a desert where you are. You should live in a place where the True Mass is available to you. It is not safe to live in such a jungle as you describe.

Besides, although 30 is late for marriage, it is not too late by a long shot.

(Personal note: I married my husband when he was 41 and I 35). All is not lost. But, whether or not you are to marry, you still need the grace of the Sacraments. This should be your first priority and the rest will fall into place.

There is a woman out there who finds herself unable to marry because of the lack of a good man. You can find her with the assistance of the Archangel Raphael.

(.......)

Thank you Nadir for the touching post. It lead me to discover the book of Tobias and read up on St.Raphael Archangel and his role.

Moving however is not an option, as contrary to what I said when I joined the forum, I cannot go back to the UK anymore.

My father was struck by illness just a month or so ago, and he's now in the hospital.

Thankfully, and probably due to divine intervention (the doctors basically told us there was nothing they could do at one point), he's now recovering but I still have to take care of my family and look over the family business for the foreseeable future.

Especially my elderly grandmother who just lost her husband of 60 years just last November and is now all alone.

Stubborn · « **Reply #10 on:** February 22, 2016, 04:37:45 AM »

Yes! Do, by all means, pray to the great angel saint Raphael, but be solicitous always that God's will be done, accepting that if it be God's will, you may or may never marry. Here is a beautiful prayer to St. Raphael toward that end.

Quote

Oh Raphael, lead us towards those we are waiting for and those who are waiting for us. St. Raphael, angel of happy meetings, lead us by the hand towards those we are looking for. May all of our movements, all of their movements be guided by your light and transfigured by your joy.

Angel guide of Tobias, lay the request we now address to you at the feet of Him whose unveiled face you are privileged to gaze. Lonely and tired, crushed by the separations and sorrows of the earth, we feel the need of calling to you and pleading for the protection of your wings so that we may not be as strangers in the province of joy, all ignorant of the concerns of our country.

Remember the weak, you who are strong, you whose home lies beyond the region of thunder in a land that is always peaceful, always serene, and bright with the resplendent glory of God.

Amen.

Also, read this post and tailor the prayer within it so that it suits your particular request.

LaramieHirsch · « **Reply #11 on:** February 22, 2016, 06:03:16 AM »

Quote from: Desmond

Quote from: Jaynek
Are you sure that God is calling you to permanent celibacy? God said that it is not good for man to be alone and created woman as his companion. That is the norm for humanity. Permanent celibacy is a special vocation in which God calls people to sacrifice this good gift for His sake. That is not what you have described in your post.

When the decision for celibacy is based on a sacrifice made for the love of God, one gains strength to deal with its difficulties by keeping one's focus on one's motive. What you seem to be saying is that you have despaired of finding a spouse. Despair is not from God. It is not a good a foundation for celibacy and will inevitably lead to problems.

Yes you got it exactly right. My decision for celibacy is based on a realisation it is nearly impossible to find (and mantain) a proper relationship with a suitable mate.
I left my 6 years long fiancé because of her stubborn godmocking ways (among other things), after trying to convince her to follow a proper conduct.

Then all was fine till very recently when what I outlined above happened.

The problem is, there is no alternative to celibacy, and trying to date someone (ie even the most morally upright women from a secular standard) is probably going to achieve nothing past exposing myself to unnecessary temptation.

So yes, it is a voluntary, albeit exogenously forced, situation.

Understand this: 80% of the women in this country who are level 6 and up on the beauty scale are in a big damned hurry to sleep with 20% of the men who are alpha males or who come off as alpha males.

This pretty much leaves no room for you, at this point, as fornication ought not even be a part of the equation for a Catholic. And, unfortunately, if you aren't out there in the field, people will think you're a fag. Thank you, Post Modern Jєωmerica.

I would recommend that either A: you look for a woman in another town or state, or B: seek out a woman outside of this country.

Desmond · « **Reply #12 on:** February 22, 2016, 02:27:08 PM »

Quote from: LaramieHirsch

Understand this: 80% of the women in this country who are level 6 and up on the beauty scale are in a big damned hurry to sleep with 20% of the men who are alpha males or who come off as alpha males.

Well even the ones below 6 are going to expect fornication at some point soon after you establish a "relationship" with them.
It's "normal".

The "chaste" ones simply are entrapped in some romantic code of conduct or some similar nonsense, for which they will fornicate only when in "love".

There's been a dramatic shift on the chastity scale in the last few decades.

Nowdays, someone wishing to hold a proper conduct in regards to these matters is considered a nutjob simply put.

And about being perceived as a homo, it is true. It's happened to me more than once.

Quote

I would recommend that either A: you look for a woman in another town or state, or B: seek out a woman outside of this country.

Well I'm not in the US, and thought the US was actually a better place in regards to moral conduct, given the relatively higher share of religious (and fundamentalist in particular) people vs Europe.

Nadir · « **Reply #13 on:** February 22, 2016, 03:04:29 PM »

Quote from: Desmond

Thank you Nadir for the touching post. It lead me to discover the book of Tobias and read up on St.Raphael Archangel and his role.

Moving however is not an option, as contrary to what I said when I joined the forum, I cannot go back to the UK anymore.

My father was struck by illness just a month or so ago, and he's now in the hospital.

Thankfully, and probably due to divine intervention (the doctors basically told us there was nothing they could do at one point), he's now recovering but I still have to take care of my family and look over the family business for the foreseeable future.

Especially my elderly grandmother who just lost her husband of 60 years just last November and is now all alone.

My pleasure. Yes, I remember you saying you were thinking of making a move. As it seems you have responsibilities where you are near the family, :pray:maybe you don't need to, (at least to find a chaste woman who will love you and vice versa.) But you do need to find a way to access the Sacraments.

Family circuмstances change - they always do, and there is no reason to believe that there is no hope of finding nearby the woman you are to wed, if marriage is God's will for you. (Don't be swayed by jaundiced views about beautiful women. Beauty is no indication of sinfulnesses, any more than plainness.) There are chaste women out there looking for a marriage partner, hard to find, without a doubt, but nevertheless they are there. You only need one! And don't be in a hurry. It's God's timing.

I much preferred Stubborn's prayer. Just keep praying and trust God to sort this out. He knows your needs, better than you do.

AMDGJMJ · « **Reply #14 on:** February 22, 2016, 05:56:32 PM »

This thread reminds me of the quote from Saint Paul:

"Art thou bound to a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife."

(Corinthians 1:7 - 27)

I always understood this to mean that a person should not be over worried about searching for a spouse. Yet, if God a such devout person into your life, then perhaps you should consider marriage...

I believe that I am called to the married life, but try to do as Padre Pio often was known to say, "Pray, hope, and don't worry."

I find this a lot easier when I live in the present, focus more on growing in virtue, and preparing myself for the day when God may bring the appropriate person into my life.

Hope this helps at least a little!

...As for having no access to the Sacraments...

That is tough... May I ask in what country/state you live? Maybe we can all find work together and see if there is a traditional Catholic priest at least somewhat near you where you could go to Mass every now and then...