I hear what you are saying.
I'd much rather have someone tell me my father who died a Jew was not saved than someone tell me "Well....there's always BOD!"
I understand, but we don't ultimately know. We can't will BoD into existence if it doesn't exist. At the same time, however, we can't restrict God by "impossibility". God could have enlightened him regarding the faith in his last moments and even potentially sent an angel to baptize him. It just takes a drop of water. If God could save him by BoD, he could also save him by sending the angel. We don't know for sure, just as we don't know whether a Catholic has been saved either, since it's possible that they sinned in their final moments. We can only leave it all up to the Mercy of God, regardless of who has passed away, Catholic or non-Catholic.
BoD "wishful thinking" doesn't change the reality of where any given soul is. It's meant as a consolation to those left behind, more than anything. It's like when you see some individual who lived a wicked life, perhaps committed ѕυιcιdє, and you hear even the NO priest saying, "he's in a better place now." I understand that he's trying to make the surviving relatives FEEL better, but what he says does not change the reality. In reality, however, he might just be sending a message to someone else who hear that "you too could go to a better place if you kill yourself." In fact, the next step is to claim, with Bergoglio, that no one goes to Hell, at least not forever. Where does it stop? Yes, Joe Stalin's daughter, Joe is in a better place now.
I've had various relatives pass away, and despite the fact that they were Catholic, I am sometimes troubled by the possibility that they may have lost their souls. Not all of them were particularly good Catholics. But nothing I feel about the matter will change the reality. With that said, I do believe along the same lines as Padre Pio that God can see prayers offered in the future as a soul is dying, so I continue to say prayers for some of those relatives for whom otherwise there might be little hope.