I once posted this question on fisheaters once and everybody laughed at me but its really serious.
I am 22, I go to the traditional latin mass, and I am a sedevacantist. I was raised in the novus ordo and as I got older I drifted away just like most adolescents do in that false religion. Then one day when I was 18/19 I picked up a King James Bible given to me by lutheran friends for my NO first communion. The Jesus Christ that I read about in the bible was radically different than the one presented to me in the bogus ordo. After a lot of research on Vatican II and Fatima I got more traditional and came to the situation I am in today. Almost all from reading and internet research. I really think its a special grace I even believe what I believe.
My religion is starting to distance me more from my family and "friends." For example, not eating meat on Fridays, is something a lot of my family and friends find unusual.
One thing I am really struggling with right now is the Dogma Outside the Church There is No Salavation. I accept it 100% but its still hard and brings me a lot of despair considering that 100% of my old "friends" are not traditional catholics. I have friends who live in scandulous relationships, I have friends who are divorced and re-married, I have friends who use contraception, I have friends who like to drink and get drunk on the weekends, I have friends who are mormons, protestant heretics, muslims, agnostics, etc. etc. etc. I met all these friends before I converted to the true faith, and it seems impossible I can just ignore them now for the rest of my life. I must also admit that my lifestyle before I converted and even after I converted was scandulous as well. Particuarly going to the bars with these friends and drinking and hanging out in horrible nightclubs with loose women. Right now I go to bars but I try to be extremely cautious because I know they can very easily turn into an occasion of sin.
My depression also involves my family too, who have been victims of the novus ordo. Most of my family right now, by traditional catholic standards, would probably go to hell if they died right now for mortal sins like fornication, drunkeness, and contraception. Because nobody in the bogus ordo goes to confession, most of these sins will never be confessed. This is really hard for me to swallow considering I love these people being that they are my family, and obviously I do not want them to go to hell.
Im having a hard time waking up every morning dealing with the fact that the elect is so small. Sometimes I consider making my own website and productions like MHFM warning people about the dangerous path they are on and what the end result will be. I have also considered going door to door like mormons and jehovas witnesses. I dont care anymore, I want to see as many people as possible convert to the one true faith. Every soul is precious to God. I have also considered that maybe my true vocation is just to go door to door, write to newspapers, and set up websites informing people that Outside The Church There Is No Salvation. I really think I lack the holiness and spiritual discipline to be a priest, and I desire marriage, but this is more important. Thoughts??? Is this despair/depression about hell for those around me a genuine call or sign to do something good? Or is it the devil trying to get me to go crazy and seriously depressed???
When I read Our Lady of Fatima by William Thomas Walsh I recall that young Jacinta was also very depressed about WW2 that was going to happen, and all the souls that would fall into hell. Sometimes I feel that same sorrow.