Author Topic: Witty high-end insults (Read 4780 times)

Matthew · « **on:** January 21, 2014, 04:29:43 PM »

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating
harles, Count Tall

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Cantarella · « **Reply #1 on:** January 21, 2014, 04:34:00 PM »

I have the feeling I may put some of those to use in no time :smile:

Anthony Benedict · « **Reply #2 on:** January 21, 2014, 05:02:08 PM »

Fresh ammo! :dancing-banana:

Thanks, Matthew!

holysoulsacademy · « **Reply #3 on:** January 21, 2014, 05:23:15 PM »

:roll-laugh1: :roll-laugh2:

Thank you Matthew!

So very well appreciated after toiling through a sink full of dishes with no running water (pipes froze - where is global warming when you need it?)

Quote from: Matthew

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating
harles, Count Tall

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

I particularly like -

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
for the person who loves to quote FBI crime stats as it pertains to race.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright
for the people in my family who are into self-deification.

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
especially with regards to Hemingway whose writing (required reading for school) was a most forgettable experience.
and for most of the writers, poets, authors in the past 60 years.

Charlemagne · « **Reply #4 on:** January 21, 2014, 05:41:07 PM »

One of my favorites, supposedly between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

Lady Astor: "If you were my husband, Winston, I'd poison your tea!"
Churchill: "If you were my wife, Lady Astor, I'd drink it!"

Mabel · « **Reply #5 on:** January 21, 2014, 05:59:27 PM »

I'm a Wodehouse fan:

“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”
P.G. Wodehouse

ggreg · « **Reply #6 on:** January 21, 2014, 06:33:51 PM »

Either that person has serious brain damage or the new vacuum cleaner has arrived.

poche · « **Reply #7 on:** January 22, 2014, 12:27:30 AM »

One witty insult sent a brother to purgatory.

Neil Obstat · « **Reply #8 on:** January 23, 2014, 09:42:28 PM »

.

"You call this a 'PARTY'? The beer's warm, the women are cold, and I'm hot under the collar!"

(That one could be good for about 5 years, except that it was Groucho Marx who said it!)

.

claudel · « **Reply #9 on:** February 11, 2014, 05:59:16 PM »

"A liberal theologian is someone who thinks that losing his faith shouldn't have to mean losing his job." — Joseph Sobran (spoken at a luncheon held in his honor)

andysloan · « **Reply #10 on:** February 11, 2014, 06:39:53 PM »

Ephesians 4:27

"Give not place to the devil."

He looks for a slightest entry point!

Thurifer · « **Reply #11 on:** February 12, 2014, 11:49:57 AM »

Many of these quotes may not use profanity, but the does not mean that many of them are not vulgar.

Marlelar · « **Reply #12 on:** February 15, 2014, 05:59:47 PM »

Quote from: Thurifer

Many of these quotes may not use profanity, but the does not mean that many of them are not vulgar.

Merriam Webster online:

Quote

vul·gar
: not having or showing good manners, good taste, or politeness
: relating to the common people or the speech of common people

Well they were written as slights (they are so mild I can't call them insults) so I would not expect them to be polite.

Marsha

Traditional Guy 20 · « **Reply #13 on:** February 15, 2014, 09:52:27 PM »

Quote from: holysoulsacademy

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
for the person who loves to quote FBI crime stats as it pertains to race.

I really find this a really strange thread and do not understand the laughter but nevertheless I see you deny FBI statistics and deny nation and race, along with openly mocking my argument and ridiculing me, which is not surprising. The Catholic Church has a long history of denying race and openly opposing national interests. And before anyone calls me anti-Catholic and starts muttering against me I am reminded back in the Civil Rights Era Catholic priests openly declared that Negroes were the "good Samaritans" and urged political action to openly bring the races together.

All of the people quoted in this thread have nothing to be desired whether it is Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Hollywood idiots, Faulkner, Hemingway, etc.

I do not doubt however this means nothing to you, or your "man," being those who openly mock a poor boy like myself from grand heights of wealth and property, having a safe, secluded, area to homeschool your children without interference from other races, while leaving that to my children going to public schools with those of lower intellect, and can afford uniting against all "racists" and "nαzιs" on this forum. As for a poor boy like me however I have to deal with the consequences of the legislation of rich elitists who don't have to deal with the racial problem.