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Author Topic: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?  (Read 2407 times)

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Anonymous

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Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
« on: August 10, 2019, 10:18:33 AM »
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  • Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?( assuming she’s a good Traditional Catholic)

    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #1 on: August 10, 2019, 10:22:12 AM »
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  • Wrong isn't the right word, it wouldn't be as sin. You mean inadvisable.


    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #2 on: August 10, 2019, 10:34:18 AM »
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  • Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?( assuming she’s a good Traditional Catholic)
    Would it be right? If so, what would be right about it?
    .
    Personally, I don't know, but I don't think a good traditional Catholic widow who is 44 years old (with 9 children?) would need a husband per se, what she would need is a lot of security and support, spiritually and financially and etc. I don't see how a  22 year old man would be able to offer that to a wife who is old enough to be his mother.
     

    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #3 on: August 10, 2019, 12:32:19 PM »
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  • Would it be right? If so, what would be right about it?
    .
    Personally, I don't know, but I don't think a good traditional Catholic widow who is 44 years old (with 9 children?) would need a husband per se, what she would need is a lot of security and support, spiritually and financially and etc. I don't see how a  22 year old man would be able to offer that to a wife who is old enough to be his mother.
     

    Indeed!

    Offline Mithrandylan

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #4 on: August 10, 2019, 12:46:46 PM »
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  • Rephrase the question to "would it be right for a 22 year old man to marry a forty-four year old widow?"  "Dating" is only right when done in the pursuit of marriage.  If you're asking if it would be right for you to romantically entertain her without any consideration of marrying her, that answer is no and it is no regardless of age.  But assuming that what you're really asking is if it would be morally OK to marry this woman, the answer is "yes" in a vaccuum, but:
    .
    Why would you do that?  It is probable that you will have no children with her.  If you do not want children, then why are you getting married at all?  If you want "companionship" there are ways to do that without marriage-- make some friends, get a dog, etc.  If you can't do that, then you're not mature enough to get married to anyone anyways.
    .
    As someone else pointed out, if this woman is forty four and traditional Catholic (and widowed to boot), it's a sure bet she has children.  Probably some that are close to your age!  Are you ready to be their foster-father?  Can you provide good moral and practical advice to a young man only four years younger than yourself?  What of her daughters?  They'll be much closer to your own age than she will be.  That alone could be a problem.
    .
    And as someone else said, are you financially stable?  Most 22 year olds aren't.  Even if you are, how will you feel supporting a family that isn't yours?  A wife who cannot bear you children?  There are some very virtuous men out there who have done exactly this.  But let's not pretend like there isn't quite a bit of potential in a situation like this for resentment.  There is.  And you'll be spending the rest of your life with her. 
    More Catholic Discussion: http://thetradforum.com


    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #5 on: August 10, 2019, 01:08:07 PM »
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  • Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?( assuming she’s a good Traditional Catholic)
    Has she shown interest?  I ask because I would have had NO interest in dating a man half my age.
    "For there is not any thing secret that shall not be made manifest, nor hidden, that shall not be known and come abroad."- Luke 8:17

    Offline forlorn

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #6 on: August 10, 2019, 02:01:43 PM »
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  • Has she shown interest?  I ask because I would have had NO interest in dating a man half my age.
    I

    Offline forlorn

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #7 on: August 10, 2019, 02:02:48 PM »
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  • I kept reading that as a "Novus Ordo" interest, I was VERY confused to say the least.  :laugh1:


    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #8 on: August 10, 2019, 02:05:05 PM »
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  • I kept reading that as a "Novus Ordo" interest, I was VERY confused to say the least.  :laugh1:
    :laugh1:  Wouldn't matter how old they were in that case!
    "For there is not any thing secret that shall not be made manifest, nor hidden, that shall not be known and come abroad."- Luke 8:17

    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #9 on: August 10, 2019, 02:14:42 PM »
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  • Has she shown interest?  I ask because I would have had NO interest in dating a man half my age.
    Yes she has. 

    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #10 on: August 10, 2019, 02:15:48 PM »
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  • Rephrase the question to "would it be right for a 22 year old man to marry a forty-four year old widow?"  "Dating" is only right when done in the pursuit of marriage.  If you're asking if it would be right for you to romantically entertain her without any consideration of marrying her, that answer is no and it is no regardless of age.  But assuming that what you're really asking is if it would be morally OK to marry this woman, the answer is "yes" in a vaccuum, but:
    .
    Why would you do that?  It is probable that you will have no children with her.  If you do not want children, then why are you getting married at all?  If you want "companionship" there are ways to do that without marriage-- make some friends, get a dog, etc.  If you can't do that, then you're not mature enough to get married to anyone anyways.
    .
    As someone else pointed out, if this woman is forty four and traditional Catholic (and widowed to boot), it's a sure bet she has children.  Probably some that are close to your age!  Are you ready to be their foster-father?  Can you provide good moral and practical advice to a young man only four years younger than yourself?  What of her daughters?  They'll be much closer to your own age than she will be.  That alone could be a problem.
    .
    And as someone else said, are you financially stable?  Most 22 year olds aren't.  Even if you are, how will you feel supporting a family that isn't yours?  A wife who cannot bear you children?  There are some very virtuous men out there who have done exactly this.  But let's not pretend like there isn't quite a bit of potential in a situation like this for resentment.  There is.  And you'll be spending the rest of your life with her.
    I have a stable job( make around 60k a year)


    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #11 on: August 10, 2019, 03:11:15 PM »
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  • Would it be right? If so, what would be right about it?
    .
    Personally, I don't know, but I don't think a good traditional Catholic widow who is 44 years old (with 9 children?) would need a husband per se, what she would need is a lot of security and support, spiritually and financially and etc. I don't see how a  22 year old man would be able to offer that to a wife who is old enough to be his mother.
     
    I'm of the same opinion. Remember the primary end of matrimony is procreation. If she's with children they will become your responsibility and will need to prioritize accordingly. 

    Offline ByzCat3000

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #12 on: August 10, 2019, 04:27:02 PM »
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  • Would it be right? If so, what would be right about it?
    .
    Personally, I don't know, but I don't think a good traditional Catholic widow who is 44 years old (with 9 children?) would need a husband per se
    Why would she have any less "need" for one than a 44 year old happily married woman who already has a husband?

    (I agree that to marry a 22 year old would be imprudent, but if she were to marry a man who was also in his 40's, I don't think there would be anything strange about that at all.)

    Anonymous

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #13 on: August 10, 2019, 04:51:04 PM »
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  • Let me see, a 22 year old male stranger living in the same house with your 14-22 year old daughters? Not a good situation. 

    Offline ByzCat3000

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    Re: Would it be wrong for a 22 y/o man to date a 44 y/o widow?
    « Reply #14 on: August 10, 2019, 04:55:48 PM »
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  • Let me see, a 22 year old male stranger living in the same house with your 14-22 year old daughters? Not a good situation.
    Weird to call your spouse "Stranger" in this situation (and no, again, I'm not saying this is wise.  Its almost certainly not)

     

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