I found this quote online from St. Cyprian (and affirmed by St. Thomas Aquinas in the Summa) which has me rethinking the whole matter entirely:

(. . .)

(Quoted by St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church, in the Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part, Q. 169, Art. 2)


What do you guys think about the morality of women wearing ANY MAKEUP AT ALL? 

I answer that, As regards the adornment of women, we must bear in mind the general statements made above (Article 1) concerning outward apparel, and also something special, namely that a woman's apparel may incite men to lust, according to Proverbs 7:10, "Behold a woman meeteth him in harlot's attire, prepared to deceive souls."

Nevertheless a woman may use means to please her husband, lest through despising her he fall into adultery. Hence it is written (1 Corinthians 7:34) that the woman "that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband." Wherefore if a married woman adorn herself in order to please her husband she can do this without sin.

But those women who have no husband nor wish to have one, or who are in a state of life inconsistent with marriage, cannot without sin desire to give lustful pleasure to those men who see them, because this is to incite them to sin. And if indeed they adorn themselves with this intention of provoking others to lust, they sin mortally; whereas if they do so from frivolity, or from vanity for the sake of ostentation, it is not always mortal, but sometimes venial. And the same applies to men in this respect. Hence Augustine says (Ep. ccxlv ad Possid.): "I do not wish you to be hasty in forbidding the wearing of gold or costly attire except in the case of those who being neither married nor wishful to marry, should think how they may please God: whereas the others think on the things of the world, either husbands how they may please their wives, or wives how they may please their husbands, except that it is unbecoming for women though married to uncover their hair, since the Apostle commands them to cover the head." Yet in this case some might be excused from sin, when they do this not through vanity but on account of some contrary custom: although such a custom is not to be commended.

Reply to Objection 1. As a gloss says on this passage, "The wives of those who were in distress despised their husbands, and decked themselves that they might please other men": and the Apostle forbids this. Cyprian is speaking in the same sense; yet he does not forbid married women to adorn themselves in order to please their husbands, lest the latter be afforded an occasion of sin with other women. Hence the Apostle says (1 Timothy 2:9): "Women . . . in ornate [Douay: 'decent'] apparel, adorning themselves with modesty and sobriety, not with plaited hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly attire": whence we are given to understand that women are not forbidden to adorn themselves soberly and moderately but to do so excessively, shamelessly, and immodestly.

Reply to Objection 2. Cyprian is speaking of women painting themselves: this is a kind of falsification, which cannot be devoid of sin. Wherefore Augustine says (Ep. ccxlv ad Possid.): "To dye oneself with paints in order to have a rosier or a paler complexion is a lying counterfeit. I doubt whether even their husbands are willing to be deceived by it, by whom alone" (i.e. the husbands) "are they to be permitted, but not ordered, to adorn themselves." However, such painting does not always involve a mortal sin, but only when it is done for the sake of sensuous pleasure or in contempt of God, and it is to like cases that Cyprian refers.

It must, however, be observed that it is one thing to counterfeit a beauty one has not, and another to hide a disfigurement arising from some cause such as sickness or the like. For this is lawful, since according to the Apostle (1 Corinthians 12:23), "such as we think to be the less honorable members of the body, about these we put more abundant honor."

(. . .)

I’m not going to stop wearing make up. Why? Because I have a duty to look good for my husband. I have a duty to show my daughters to care for their appearance, and for my son to not lower his standards to someone who doesn’t put effort into her looks. I have always loved doing, and wearing make up... and it’s an art form these days. My make up box would make the men here cringe... and let me tell you something else my blue lipstick matches nothing, and neither doesn’t my dark purple, and for that matter my natural pinks. It looks nothing like the colors of a certain part of women. Vain? No. I just actually care about my appearance, making my husband proud(what’s worse Than a wife with a yucky tired face?) and doing my make up is my self care time. It makes me feel cleaned up, proper, and ready to take on the day.

I tried but even though I clicked the tick box it came up as anonymous.

You are a very superficial person and if your husband desires of your makeup then he doesn't love you nearly as much as you think.  the example you two provide to your children is harming their souls.

Beauty is not who you are on the outside, it is the wisdom and time you gave away to save another struggling soul like you.
 
 https://www.patheos.com/blogs/christiancrier/2015/09/02/top-7-bible-verses-about-vanity/
 
 Last paragraph:
 "Egotism, narcissism, pride and vanity all keep the focus of our lives on ourselves and on our own looks, money, and accomplishments. This, however, is very shallow and meaningless in the end. Our life matters so much more when we put God in the center and do things his way. Then all of our insecurities and doubts are dismissed in the greater context of the true meaning of life."

Right, and that was my point also.  Each woman of course has to be on alert against vanity ... but that's something for the individual to work out with her spiritual director.  But women by nature want to look good, so there's often a very fine line between the simple natural urge and vanity.

They most certainly can be.  Depending on how it's done, cosmetics and grooming can have the same intent and the same outcome, and consequently they're morally equivalent.