A friend of mine is going through an ugly divorce, and other than his two young adult children and my brother, I’m the only one he can talk to about his situation (he is Novus Ordo and also talks to a conservative Novus Ordo priest, I guess).
A lot of the things he brings up in the conversations are certainly detractionary and harmful to the reputation others.
He has been calling me to unload for 5 months, sometimes 3-4 times/day if I don’t pick up. But now I’m afraid to pick up, knowing that he’s only calling to get stuff off his chest and give me the day’s latest ugly developments, for fear that despite wanting to be there for him, I’m enabling his detraction (which he might not even know is sinful, thinking he can tell me whatever as long as it’s true).
Do you guys think I’m sinning by continuing to take his calls? He seems totally desperate and I’m a little worried that if he can’t vent, he might go off the deep end, and so the last couple weeks I only take his 45 minute calls about once/week, but even that much is sure to contain detraction.
Am I winning by taking his calls?
What would you do in my position? Just explain detraction to him, and stop him when he does it?
Just to update, I told my friend he has to stop detracting, because merely picking up the phone when he calls makes me feel like I need to go to confession for enabling him. I know in advance that nearly every time he calls, it’s to give me the latest updates, which always end in lowering my esteem for his wife and family. He still calls me three times a day in the hopes I will pick up, so he can unload, even though I told him flatly I don’t want to hear it, and why.
A few moments ago he texted me and asked for prayers because things are worse than he could ever imagine. I responded by saying I know, and that’s why I’m not picking up the phone: You need to be telling this stuff to a priest, lawyer, and Catholic therapist, and that telling me isn’t doing him, me, or them any good, and that there’s nothing I can do to help him.
Intellectually, I believe I answered correctly, but I’m sure in his confused mind, his best friend is turning his back on him when he needs support most. I feel guilty about that, but feel trapped because it is certain that any call I take will result in detraction, so what else can I do? He’s not really leaving me any other option.
Topic: Enabling detraction? (Read 4814 times)