Author Topic: wife has had no lasting friendships  (Read 849 times)

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Offline Geremia

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Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
« Reply #30 on: November 20, 2020, 02:02:12 PM »
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  • There is one thing much sadder than having no friends.

    Being so desperate for friends, that you make *close* friends with one or more pagans or other far-from-Trad-Catholics, who you really ought to have nothing serious in common with.
    That can't be good for you or your Faith.

    St. Francis de Sales wrote on evil friendships, chapters 17-22 of Introduction to the Devout Life. He ends by quoting:
    Quote from: Ecclus. 6:17
    He that feareth God shall likewise have good friendship
    Quote from: James 4:4
    The friendship of the world is the enemy of God.

    That's why I HATE dogmatic home-aloneism
    Yeah, it seems to be a sin against the charity due to our neighbors (schism is a sin against charity, too).
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    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #31 on: November 20, 2020, 02:25:20 PM »
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  • My wife and I are both melancholic, and therefore introverts. We don't thrive on external socialization. We get enough excitement from our home life, with all our kids. Maybe it will be harder if we ever end up with a real empty nest. But then again, perhaps "empty nest" is a Baby Boomer and later phenomenon -- something that happens more often when you have less than 5 children? When you have a really large family, wouldn't some of the kids stick around in the local area, have kids of their own, etc.?

    Anyhow, we've both tried many times to make friends, and for periods of time we succeeded. But something always intervenes to take them away. Either the family moves to St. Mary's, KS or another SSPX "mecca", SSPX/Resistance politics causes separation, or fallen human nature (and/or the devil) inspires the father of the family to run off with money he owes us, so our 2 families never see each other again, through no actions, choice, or fault of their own.

    And there are countless "would-be" friendships that never got a chance to start, because family A is in this location, while family B is in another far-away location. Or family A is in a sedevacantist milieu, while other other family is SSPX or Resistance. So there's no contact or socialization between the two, even though those two families would really hit it off in 99% of categories. The fathers and mothers in the 2 families might share some specific interests and hobbies, and the majority of the children might be into the same things: sports, music,  art, history, literature, Lord of the Rings -- you get the idea.

    I know several families that we would love to spend time with, but they live between 4 and 12 hours away. Trad Catholics are so spread out, especially the fervent, serious ones. The ones who have rejected the world -- which is important.
    THANK YOU Matthew for posting this.  The lack of friends weighs heavily on my heart as my teenage sons are lonely, especially the super extroverted Sanguine of the family.  How many times have I pointed out to him that God knows his suffering of loneliness but I know he still feels bored, lonely, and sad.  Hanging out with Mom just isn't fun for young man.  And the activities he used to do have ceased because of FAUXVID.
    We currently have no friends and no family.  There's just the 4 of us and that's it.  And currently I'm considering moving to a more isolated area to own a small farm.  Not even near a town or a chapel.  I expect the SSPX to go along with the Francis oath and openly sell it's withered soul.  Then we will truly be in the catecombs.


    Offline choakley

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #32 on: November 20, 2020, 03:30:23 PM »
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  • Let your wife be.
    If she's a good wife and mother, that's all that really matters besides knowing, loving and serving God, first and foremost.
    Let your wife be.

    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #33 on: November 20, 2020, 10:48:24 PM »
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  • Sounds to me like she is a loner by nature (nothing wrong with that) but she is still woman enough to care about the social expectations of women having friends. It also sounds like she isn't busy enough at home. May I suggest putting more babies in her or removing the washing machine/dishwasher/clothes dryer?

    On another note, I do not know of a single divorce that wasn't instigated by "friends" of the wife. So you are very fortunate in that regard.

    Offline SimpleMan

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #34 on: November 21, 2020, 09:06:27 AM »
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  • Let your wife be.
    If she's a good wife and mother, that's all that really matters besides knowing, loving and serving God, first and foremost.
    Let your wife be.
    I couldn't agree more heartily.  And I say this as a man who, in retrospect, allowed my wife's "friends" to take a far greater hold on her mind and soul than I should have ever allowed.  In retrospect, I should have been far less agreeable to get along with, and far less willing to tolerate strangers coming into our home and bring trouble with them.

    Many so-called "friends" will do nothing except lead you straight to hell, if you only let them.


    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #35 on: November 21, 2020, 02:48:49 PM »
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  • On another note, I do not know of a single divorce that wasn't instigated by "friends" of the wife. So you are very fortunate in that regard.
    THIS.
    In my case, my maid of honor became (without my knowledge) the emotional support person to my husband who divorced me.  She helped him move out of our home.  She even wrote a letter to the court claiming I was an unfit mother.  She also seems to be the person who introduced my husband to his mistress.  She is now friends with my in-laws. I have absolutely no contact with any of these people.  I pray for them.  
    I have ZERO desire to ever have another friend.  I trust neither men nor women.  

    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #36 on: November 21, 2020, 03:07:16 PM »
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  • Wow, that's awful.  Sorry to hear.

    Offline SimpleMan

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #37 on: November 21, 2020, 04:08:29 PM »
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  • THIS.
    In my case, my maid of honor became (without my knowledge) the emotional support person to my husband who divorced me.  She helped him move out of our home.  She even wrote a letter to the court claiming I was an unfit mother.  She also seems to be the person who introduced my husband to his mistress.  She is now friends with my in-laws. I have absolutely no contact with any of these people.  I pray for them.  
    I have ZERO desire to ever have another friend.  I trust neither men nor women.  
    And I also echo your THIS.

    My situation wasn't quite this grim, but I can't stress enough --- DO NOT allow people to become intimate (in the platonic sense) with you, your family, and your home, unless you know they won't end up working to its detriment.

    I have even had to freeze out extended family members, but that is quite all right.  Once you lose control of your home, you may never get it back.  And I'm not referring to the real estate.


    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #38 on: November 24, 2020, 11:06:38 AM »
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  • Let your wife be.
    If she's a good wife and mother, that's all that really matters besides knowing, loving and serving God, first and foremost.
    Let your wife be.
    Thank you.
    My choleric temperament predisposes me to be controlling, but it's something I must fight.

    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #39 on: November 24, 2020, 11:24:21 AM »
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  • Seems appropriate:

    "Separate thyself from thy enemies, and take heed of thy friends. A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure.  Nothing can be compared to a faithful friend, and no weight of gold and silver is able to countervail the goodness of his fidelity. A faithful friend is the medicine of life and immortality: and they that fear the Lord, shall find him". - Ecclesiasticus 6:13-16

    Anonymous

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #40 on: November 24, 2020, 11:40:08 AM »
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  • In my case, my maid of honor became (without my knowledge) the emotional support person to my husband who divorced me.  She helped him move out of our home.  She even wrote a letter to the court claiming I was an unfit mother.  She also seems to be the person who introduced my husband to his mistress.  She is now friends with my in-laws. I have absolutely no contact with any of these people.  I pray for them.
    I had a "trad" "friend" who tried to get me to consider annulment. I cut off that toxic association. He was a phony.

    I have ZERO desire to ever have another friend.  I trust neither men nor women.
    Don't let bad experiences traumatize you. That seems to be what happened to my wife and why she's scared of making new friends: fear of rejection and betrayal.


    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: wife has had no lasting friendships
    « Reply #41 on: November 24, 2020, 11:57:06 AM »
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  • This is true for me, too. Friends are temporal goods. Only God can truly fulfill.
    But our charity cannot be limited to God alone:
    "he that loveth not his brother whom he seeth, how can he love God whom he seeth not?" (1 John 4:20)
    p, li { white-space: pre-wrap; }

    Right, but I distinguish between charity and familiarity; one can have charity towards others without seeking familiarity or particular friendships.


     

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