See, race does matter. If it were as unimportant as eye color, you wouldn't have "one more issue" to deal with (namely, her parents secretly wishing their daughter could marry in her race). It's a natural desire.

Not saying you wouldn't have any other problems, but I always say, "Why add one more problem?" Life is difficult enough. Try to go WITH human nature when you can. There are so many ways you have to fight it.

That's what St. Paul said -- "inasmuch as it lies with you, be at peace with all men." We have to oppose the world and our neighbor on so many things touching on the Faith -- why be at war with him about petty domestic issues?

As for your case, I can only pray for you and agree that you're pretty much in the right. Yes, those things are messed up: the worldly atmosphere, TVs, non-acceptance of you by your in-laws because you're "outside their race", non-docility of your wife to you (instead of her brother), etc.

I would point out that many problems aren't solved by a pill or a scalpel. Think of a man who is depressed by his state in life. You can feed him pills to alter his brain chemistry, but does that solve the root problem? No. He's still "a failure in life" and that is the real cause of his depression. His brain is not malfunctioning. Now if you could convince him that he is not a failure, then you might get somewhere...

Likewise, many problems in men (as in, mankind) are spiritual or psychological.

She generally doesn't listen to you about the marriage debt? That's pretty serious. Her relationship with her family is also a factor. She seems to have emotional/psychological issues, like she's a 10 year old girl inside wanting to go back home to be with mommy.

Mother in laws, or in-laws in general, can be bad news. That's why traditional cultures believe that you're marrying the family, in a way. That's also why so many races frown on intermixing nations and races. You're basically asking a ____ family to be super close to a ____ family. If they fail to become close, you have a divided house, with him preferring his family, and her preferring hers. How is that good?

Now in your wife's case: did she ever intend to be a normal wife, giving herself to you as in a traditional marriage? Having all the children God sends, and knowing what that entails on her part? It sounds like she had some kind of immaturity and/or psychological issues.

Now immaturity doesn't automatically imply annulment -- speak to a priest.

You obviously missed a LOT of signs during your courtship. As for right now, I'd speak with a traditional priest. It sounds like you've got yourself in a doozy of a situation.

I think Matthew is correct, you need to speak to a good, solid, traditional priest to help you sort out your complicated situation.

Separation is not always a bad thing, sometimes to preserve our souls we must separate from a poisonous person.  However, that does not mean an annulment is necessarily possible.

See, race does matter. If it were as unimportant as eye color, you wouldn't have "one more issue" to deal with (namely, her parents secretly wishing their daughter could marry in her race). It's a natural desire.

It only matters because people make it matter.

If a boy were ginger and wore glasses, it shouldn't matter. But if someone starts bullying him for being ginger and wearing glasses, it matters. But only because a bully is needlessly making it matter. And you might not want your child to marry someone who might pass on characteristics that attract bullies. But should the bullies dictate such matters?
 
Not saying the parents are bullies, just that they're making something which doesn't matter matter.

But there could easily be a mother-in-law who goes to Mass every Sunday, doesn't use contraception, but still is tempted to "root for" her daughter to marry within her race -- so her grandkids will look more like her and her husband. Even after her daughter marries outside their race, she might secretly wish he would leave her, die, etc. My point is that having other humans around you that look and talk similar to you is a legitimate, human desire, and it will always be there. "Charity begins at home."

I'm not sure how "charity begins at home" applies here. It's a natural and legitimate desire not to catch leprosy, but it's just as well we've had a few saints who were willing to go beyond what is natural. And I don't think it's legitimate to exclude people who don't look like you from your circle of friends just because they don't look like you. What's Christian about that?

I can understand that, from a man's point of view, it matters that his children resemble him, for obvious reasons!

If God wasn't in on this, then why did He design heredity to work as it does? He could have made each baby random, like the output of a slot machine. This time, a black baby. Next time, an asian. Next time, another asian! The next time, a white blond, and so forth.

He also designed that two people of different races could successfully produce children who, while mixed, resemble both parents.

Some will be able to rationalize or over-ride this desire with their reason ("oh, at least he's Catholic", "there is no sin", "everyone has a soul", etc.) but some will not. Just like a few people are able to hold a cold, rational conversation, while most people end up getting emotionally involved at some point, especially in hot debates touching on the Faith and where to attend Mass.

Most of the emotion comes from the side which opposes mixed race marriages. The fact is it is not a sin. However, it would be a sin for that hypothetical mother-in-law to want her son-in-law to leave or die. And it would also be sinful if she rejected her grandchildren.

All I'm saying, is that there is a flow to this river of human nature, and it's always easiest to go with the flow.

Wanting children of the same race as you is not sinful either. That is my point. Why have human nature work against you when you don't have to?

Look at any portrayal of "old world" parents in the context of "their daughter wants to marry outside their race." The portrayal could be a Hollywood movie, a work of literature, or even real life. Usually they're quite emotional and negative about it.

Hollywood certainly portrays them as having backward views, being intransigent, a fossil from an older time, etc.

I would submit, in complete opposition to today's multicultural liberal world, that those stodgy old Greek or Italian parents were completely natural and sane having those feelings.

The op made a bad marriage to a woman who sees him as an appendage.  I hope I am wrong.

This marriage will likely never be satisfactory.  

Your wife sees her family as an extension of herself and they come first.  Your only role is an ancillary one.  Your job, as she most likely sees it, is to please her.  

Did you meet your wife at a traditional Catholic Church?

And as I pointed out, there are some things that we have to fight in human nature to gain heaven (our tendency to sin, for example) but even if you manage to stay in the state of grace, you are going to prefer the company of those of your own kind, for example. Water seeks its own level.

It may naturally happen that way. All my friends are the same race as I am. But to have a policy of only being open to associating with people of the same race is narrow-minded, in the worst sense. I can't see anything Christian in ignoring someone of a different race who has newly come to the parish, for example. Surely the Christian thing to do would be to go out of your way to befriend him, especially if you think most people in the parish are going to avoid him because apparently it's natural to prefer your own kind! I think that is a tendency to fight against.