They are and she does visit them from time to time, but ive never seen that changer her habits much other than put her in a better mood. Currently she isn't likely to visit them since we have a newborn and don't want to put the baby at risk of getting sick.

Did it get worse after the pregnancy?  Does she like hugs from you?  I know these might be weird questions, but suggestions seem to need to be unique due to these special circuмstances.

Do you think COVID made her a little mad?

Nope.

Yikes, hope for your sake it's only temporary.

Have you suggested an ignatian retreat?

If you are going to obsessive about something, it might as well be over one's salvation rather than a breadcrumb on the kitchen floor

Did it get worse after the pregnancy?  Does she like hugs from you?  I know these might be weird questions, but suggestions seem to need to be unique due to these special circuмstances.

This is a good question. Possible some post-partum issues are at play here. 

As usual a lot of answers from single men who've never had to manage a relationship before. 

If I was to put the meat in the sink she would have a meltdown and would start threatening me with separation.

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You need to get marriage counseling from your priest as soon as possible. This behavior is mortally sinful, and he needs to tell her that.

Unfortunately, your belief that she rejects Vatican 2 is probably another deception on her part. Her behavior is that of a modernist, not of someone who believes in the Catholic Faith.

This is a very common syndrome, that people are raised in the new church and adopts its religion, and somewhere down the line they think they became traditional Catholic because they begin attending a trad chapel. They usually do reject the Novus Ordo, and accept the traditional Mass, but they retain the faith and morals of modernism, not Catholicism.

This manifests itself differently with men and women. With men, they usually just don't go to church, despite claiming to be traditional Catholic, and don't practice much religion at all. With women, it typically manifests itself in their rejection of Catholic teachings on marriage. They believe they can walk out on their marriage (as in the case of your wife), they don't believe they have to obey their husband, they don't believe in the marriage debt, and sometimes they even accept contraception.

In both cases, the problem is the lack of acceptance of belief in Church teaching. So, when a priest warns them that their behavior is contrary to faith and morals, they believe they can simply reject his words like they would disagree with someone who calling into a sports talk radio program who says something about their team's quarterback that they think is inaccurate. They do not believe they must accept the Church's teachings on faith and morals, and thus they are not Catholics.

Proof of this usually is that these people believe they can still receive the sacraments despite rejecting the priest's warnings, which shows a lack of belief in Church teaching and making themselves their own rule of faith, which is the very definition of modernism.

Your wife is probably one of those types, but the sooner you get your priest involved, the sooner the situation can be troubleshooted and the damage can be minimized.

For specific issues like meat thawing, to avoid taking things personal, ask her to search the topic is the USDA web page (safe defrosting methods: refrigerator, cold water, microwave, etc.). If she follows "science", she will have to give in.

Just because a woman rejects Vatican 2 doesn't mean she's not a feminist.  We knew a staunchly SV couple with SAHM and homeschooling 5 kids, had a home chapel, the whole enchilada.  She eventually divorced him and posts crap on Facebook about standing up to toxic people, don't believe the lies you hear about her, etc.  Her daughters now wear pants which is a huge shift.  No references to Catholic faith at all.