Dear fellow members, what do I do with a friend like this?

I have a friend whom I've known for around 17 years. The last 8 years of our friendship, this friend has kept coming to me for money when he has been in a financial difficulty. Over the years, I would say that I have given him around $15,000 (and I say "given" because I knew he would never be able to pay me back so it was just given). Well, over 2 years ago, I got sick and tired of being his personal bank, so to speak. I told him to stop coming me for money. That I was not a bank he could go to every time a financial emergency came up. But he kept coming to me for money when he was in need and, out of pity, I would succuмb to giving him the money to help him in his emergency (after, of course, yelling at him and telling him that I was fed up of always giving him money).

I even stopped talking to my friend for a year once because of the money issue. A couple of years ago, after repeatedly telling him not to ever ask me for money again, I succuмbed to giving him money in a monetary emergency of his - but this time, lending him the money (not giving) on the condition that he had 2 weeks to pay me back (as he promised). I told him if he did not pay me back the money, then I would not talk to him until he did. Well, he never was able to hold up to his promise (that is why I never lent him money all these years but just gave it to him) and I did not talk to him for a year. After a year, when he still did not pay me back a penny, I just gave up and went back talking to him again (since the year of my not talking to him was punishment enough on him).

I have lost a lot of respect for my friend because of his always coming to me for money. I even sometimes feel nauseous. Even my former maid had less respect for him when she would witness me often giving him money. She would refer to him as "your son" because, she saw me like a mother to him more than a friend since he was coming to me for money like a kid to his parent.

Anyway, this is my situation: These past couple of weeks, he has again been coming to me for money. He is in a situation where, if he does not come up with $500, his RV will be towed away. He lives in his RV because he is poor and, because he failed to register it, he now has to pay not only for registration but also fines. The parking enforcement gave him one week or it will be towed. He needs the money by Monday. I told him to stop asking for money. That I was not going to help him. He still, in subtle hints, has been asking for help.

Would it be unchristianly of me to not give him the money, knowing that his RV in which he lives in could be towed away. I am really sick and tired of helping him out financially.




Anyway, my question.

Why doesn't he have his own money?  If he is lazy or profligate, I would not enable any of that. If he is doing his best, but unable to succeed, and you have an excess of money, then you should feel free to be charitable,

Completely disagree. The situation has gone beyond charitable. After the first loan not being paid back, I would have refused any subsequent requests.

Has this person ever offered to work for the money?

My friend makes $1400 a month. He pays half of that ($700) to child support. Then he has to pay for gas (which as you know is a lot), more for car insurance, and then money on food. Usually money on tickets he never payed (which are more money since he has to also pay for the fines of not paying the ticket when it was due). He doesn't have enough money to pay for an apartment and that is why he is living in an RV.

Plus there is the fact that he has the worst luck with cars and spends money on car problems - at least 2 times a year. He buys a cheap used car (around $1500) since that is all he can afford, but then something goes wrong with it and he has to spend money fixing it. Then later on, something else goes wrong, and he has to pay to fix it. After 3 times fixing it, he ends up trading it in for another used car of the same price. And then the new used car eventually breaks down, and he starts the whole cycle over again.

I've offered him to do work for the money once but he proved himself incompetent in that. Anyway, I really have no work I can offer him.  

Just to make it clear, it's not like he is asking me ALL the time for money. He asks me about 4 times a year. But I've really come to be repulsed by his asking me - to the point of actually feeling almost nauseous.  

 

My friend makes $1400 a month. He pays half of that ($700) to child support. Then he has to pay for gas (which as you know is a lot), more for car insurance, and then money on food. Usually money on tickets he never payed (which are more money since he has to also pay for the fines of not paying the ticket when it was due). He doesn't have enough money to pay for an apartment and that is why he is living in an RV.

Plus there is the fact that he has the worst luck with cars and spends money on car problems - at least 2 times a year. He buys a cheap used car (around $1500) since that is all he can afford, but then something goes wrong with it and he has to spend money fixing it. Then later on, something else goes wrong, and he has to pay to fix it. After 3 times fixing it, he ends up trading it in for another used car of the same price. And then the new used car eventually breaks down, and he starts the whole cycle over again.

I've offered him to do work for the money once but he proved himself incompetent in that. Anyway, I really have no work I can offer him.  

Just to make it clear, it's not like he is asking me ALL the time for money. He asks me about 4 times a year. But I've really come to be repulsed by his asking me - to the point of actually feeling almost nauseous.  

 

If you are truly doing charity, you have to give in a disinterested way.  The moment you are feeling repulsed, its time to quit!  You are gaining no merit from this charity.
This man cant make enough money?  Well he needs to get a second job to boost his income.
You will probably never get the money back.  Just offer all of your charitable actions in his regard to Our Lady.  She will take these intentions, and they can be used to pay back your debt in purgatory.
Remember, "Charity covers a multitude of sins"

If you are truly doing charity, you have to give in a disinterested way.  The moment you are feeling repulsed, its time to quit!  

Honestly, that doesn't make sense.  If you only ever felt good about charity, is it charity?  Wouldn't being subject to hard feelings and overcoming them make it more charitable?

I am getting 2 contrary advice here.

What if I decide not to help him pay for the fines and registration on his RV home? Will I be being uncharitable and would God be upset that I am willing to let him lose his home.

I wouldn't think about it in terms of God being upset with you for the man being without a home.  What if your positions were reversed?

I mean when will this end. Another situation is going to pop up where he will again need my help - as it always does. Do I keep helping him for the rest of my life whenever he needs money?

He may always be short of money.  You can approach the problem many different ways.  You can set strict limits on how much you're going to give.  You can decide to only pay for certain kinds of expenses. etc.  You can decide to cut him off totally.  It's up to you.  I would practice the golden rule.  If you can afford it.

In fact, he will probably come to me in a couple of months when aquaintance of his, who is a bounty hunter and whom he borrowed money from, finds out he hasn't saved a dime to pay him back when he decides to come for the money. The bounty hunter will probably have him beaten up. So does that mean that, like I am obligated under charity to save him from losing his RV home, I am obligated under charity to save him from being beaten up by helping him with the money?

I don't know the moral theology of the matter.  You have to judge in your heart what's right.  Saving a man from being homeless or being beaten is not something to be ashamed of.  Maybe you're making a mistake in helping him.  Much better than making a mistake not helping him if he is truly in dire circuмstances.

Maybe you should get in touch with charitable organizations like St. Vincent de Paul.

If someone has a meager income and has to pay half of it in child support, it is not a matter of that person being able to "make it on their own."

The attitude that "I've given so much already, so now I'll let him sink" - it doesn't seem Christian.  I'm not saying you owe him anything.  Just don't think that having given someone money in the past is an excuse to cut off someone who might be in genuine need.