That's the devil whispering in your ear. Do not let that live in your head.

*don't compare your insides with other people's outsides*

Your kids sound wonderful. That's an amazing accomplishment.  Let this be an inspiration for you to get serious about making some art.  

I agree with the above post.  Your family has been able to accomplish so much because YOU were the hub holding everything together so they could pursue their interests.  THAT IS A LOT!!! and BE PROUD OF IT!!

Now, like they said, look into yourself and see what desires you've been pushing back all these years.  Maybe they're buried so deep you don't even remember.  Go to a bookstore and walk the isles.  See what interests you.  Look in the hobby section.  Something might trigger a memory.  What did you like to do as a child?  What did you want to grow up to become?  What do you do that the time passes and you don't even notice because you're enjoying yourself so much?  THAT is a big clue.  

You said you like ballet exercises so you must be listening to beautiful music.  Would you like to play an instrument?  I always wanted to play the violin and started when I was 59.  I absolutely love it and am getting better all the time.  I believe that most of the time you're never too old to do what you truly wish to do and it's never too late to start.  There are many music courses for many instruments online which are very good.  The site I use costs $79/year first year, $41 for renewals.  The instruction is excellent.  She's a professionally classically trained symphony player of decades.  Sounds hard to believe but true!  Hundreds of instructional videos, a forum, personal replies with video demonstrations about the students' questions...  The Internet is really good for things like this.  I've had personal teachers and none compare to her online, so you might find something or many things and not have to pay a lot of money to learn new skills.  

There is a book called "What Color Is Your Parachute?"  Find a copy.  I recommend it for anyone looking for what they are meant to do in life.  It doesn't matter what year you get it--it used to (maybe still does) come out every year and is updated to reflect new ways of being employed.  It will help anyone figure out whether they like to work alone or with people, intellectual or hands-on, detailed or free thinking, etc. and suggests types of work or hobbies to fit each style.  Fantastic book.  I'm giving a very short description of it here.  The chapter on "Finding Your Mission in Life" is absolutely wonderful. I think you can find that online free in a PDF.  Amazon has that part as a separate book if you want to purchase it instead.  

There's a YOU inside of you.  Finding her will be the greatest adventure of your life!  Get busy!!!   :jumping2:

Get a gym membership.   Renew wedding vows.  Travel to visit our Lady of Knock , our Lady of Fatima, or Lourdes with you husband.  

Time to get your car back too. Time for daughter to get a nice used car.  

It's only society's perverted values that a woman is made to feel unaccomplished because she didn't do things apart from her duty as a woman for her home and family. A good character, being motherly towards everyone, doing her duty to her family, home, and possibly chapel is what we should value in a woman.

Thank you all for your responses.  You've given me a lot of good suggestions and I will consider what I can do now with more motivation and hope.  

I just got home from an evening in the company of a bunch of people our D knows through her school and feel like a complete and total failure as a human being.  I have no skills, no training, no hobbies ... I haven't traveled.  I haven't been on an airplane in 23 years.

My H travels for business, and has been all over this country and Canada and Italy, Japan, Mexico and the Caribbean...He has friends, plays golf, guitar, can fix cars ... knows all kinds of things and can talk to anyone about anything.  

Our D who still lives with us is graduating college with straight A's and has also worked at the school the whole time.  She traveled on an airplane this summer to see (Catholic) friends across the country.  She is in line to get a full time job at her school. She plays piano and guitar and can speak Spanish nearly fluently after only 2 years of instruction.  She's done other things just as impressive...but that makes the point.

Our S is working two jobs.  He's worked an average of 3 jobs and up to 5 jobs at a time over the last few years.  He has friends and goes places and does things.  He also plays guitar and has also had training in the public service sphere and knows a lot about that and other jobs connected to that.  He lives on his own.

I realize I can ask people about what they've done and where they've gone .... but I can't even talk about homeschooling the kids because it's a big mish mash of things: using different curriculums over the years, nothing overly structured ... and I can never explain things without sounding .... dumb, somehow.

I read.  I'm interested in art.  I've always exercised and am now doing ballet exercises at home.  But I don't have friends.  I don't have hobbies I can discuss.  I haven't even had regular use of my car these last few years because I let my D use it for school / work. So I haven't even gone to daily mass or joined anything (not that I want to .. novus ordo parish)

I cook, but am only adequate.  I clean and do laundry and shop and pay bills. That's my life.

I have no other family, they're all dead or separated by long distance.  I haven't even been further than an hour from my home in the last 5 years.  



When you wake up one day as a middle aged person and realize that you feel as awkward as a high school freshman in the social scene ... what do you do?

Two wonderful children who are growing up to be responsable adults. This sounds like you have don ea very good job.