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Author Topic: Does a potential spouse have a right to know sɛҳuąƖ history before marriage?  (Read 45125 times)

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Both men and women should get a physical exam that includes sɛҳuąƖ health before marriage. As for horse riding resulting in torn hymen, there are many other events that can tear the hymen. Ever been in a car accident? Had a bad fall of any sort?  It needn’t be sports related. If the couple don’t trust each other enough to be truthful about the past and demand an internal exam and a lie detector test, that’s a sign they should not get married. Taking a physical should be for ensuring good health going into the married life, not to test whether the person is a liar. Who wants to marry a person who suspects you of having secrets? 
Tests aren't necessary, you should be able to trust your partner, they shouldn't lie. A man who used to watch porn is nothing like a woman who has once fornicated. Not only the intimacy, nor only the physical difference, but also the power dynamic/psychological difference.

Quote
The power dynamic, intimacy reduced to a teacher-pupil relationship, everything she learned, learned from other men, other men that probably didn't had to commit as much as hubby to get access to the same intimacy he is experiencing, and sometimes he gets even less than said gentlemen, people like this usually marry the first girl that gave them attention (because of low self-esteem, and never have been noticed before, they fear loneliness so they grab onto the first glimpse of attention and never let go), and the girl in question is usually settling, and I'd say there could be much more to add


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Taking a physical should be for ensuring good health going into the married life, not to test whether the person is a liar. Who wants to marry a person who suspects you of having secrets? 
These states are contradictory.


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These states are contradictory.
Statements*

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  • Guest
No woman wants to marry a man who looks at gαy or pedo porn.  

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  • Guest
No woman wants to marry a man who looks at gαy or pedo porn. 
Except the plethora of women teachers who prey on their little boy students. 


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  • Guest
My main concern regarding this question would be one regarding validity. Is there a case for annulment when considering a case of a man, who may have a sordid past, which has not been fully revealed to a potential spouse? Based on what I've read so far in this thread, it doesn't seem to be the case (that a situation like that could, in of itself, invalidate a marriage). This seems to be a mindset that has only been entertained following Vatican II, when considering the loose justifications for annulment by that false church.

Regardless of that, I agree, it is better for a potential spouse to be informed of their partners past immoral behaviors, if it could help to mitigate future issues in a marriage... HOWEVER, I question the extent of which a person must reveal to one's future spouse. If one must reveal past behaviors, to what extent must they do so?

For example, it may be prudent to reveal that you have had a sordid history with ex-partners, but to what extent must you do so to remain in the realms of this "perfect morality" which some of you seem to expect. Is it something that can be mentioned vaguely? Or is one expected to go into detail with a lady about these sordid activities they may have partaken in, perhaps before they have made a conversion to the faith?

If that person has engaged in sins of sodomy, or other unnatural acts with a woman, must they disclose that as well? I guess these converts are expected to sit down their potential spouses and describe in detail about how they have engaged in these disgusting acts. How about issues regarding pornography? Must a man reveal to his potential spouse each category of pornography he has ever viewed? I mean, of course no woman would want to marry a man who has viewed pornography which has some sort of incestuous aspect to it, for example. Or perhaps they would forgive it, who knows! But should any man be expected to engage a lady in a discussion like that? That seems insane to me. There would be virtually zero converts to the faith that could expect to be married at that point, but maybe I'm generalizing.

Some of the men on this thread make it seem like if you have had a single unnatural impure thought, that it is something that must be disclosed. Sorry to break it to everyone here, but your wife isn't your Priest, and you are absolutely not required to delve into every sordid detail of your past with them, and in fact, you shouldn't.

I think on a base level, a man can reveal that he has engaged in sinful sɛҳuąƖ behavior in the past. Any details beyond that, need not be mentioned. I would never even think to go into detail on topics like that with a lady. Totally disgusting. Women don't need to hear about these things.

Änσnymσus

  • Guest
Sordid details are unnecessary, actually harmful.  Even in confession, penitents don’t give every last minute detail of every immoral act.  Just repeating them can jolt the memory in a tempting way.  That’s why a priest should be consulted in cases where one or both parties have a problematic past.  Obviously, if a person once voluntarily looked at porn and repented of it and confessed, and has since stayed away, it would be unwise and unnecessary to tell one’s prospective spouse.  If a person spent years acting in “adult” movies or was a prostitute, that’s different.  Most people fall somewhere in between extremes.  Again, consult a priest.  

Offline Matthew

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The problem with a "past" is sometimes it can come back to bite you. You have other people out there who have known you intimately? Maybe someday they'll get lonely and look you up. Possibly for child support! Or maybe you'll just gain a new stalker out of the blue, from your "past". Maybe you'll get blackmailed, using photos/videos/docuмents from "your past". Maybe you'll find out you have a son or daughter you didn't know about. Maybe your spouse or kids will find videos of you on the Internet, from "before your conversion".

Remember, the Internet is forever.

So yeah -- if you're going to hitch your cart to that horse FOR LIFE you need to know what you're potentially getting yourself into.

Right, wrong, or in-between, many of these consequences would be a HUGE shock on a human level, and could lead to a divorce (again, right, wrong, or in-between. Even if he/she doesn't remarry, it could result in a civil divorce and permanent separation of bed & board -- i.e., moving out of the house).
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