Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Anσnymσus Posts Allowed => Topic started by: Änσnymσus on June 06, 2025, 11:34:27 PM
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So I'm currently thinking about doing a store transfer at my work to somewhere slightly closer to home (about 5 minutes less drive). Mainly I want more consistent hours, I already get decent hours at my current workplace but it's added hours and not a strong base contract. They other store has yet to tell me what they can offer me.
I am also biased here as there is a cute teenage girl who comes in who likes me (i know because I heard her friend say "I can see why you like him", and she always smiles and touches her hair when she see me). Franky I've never had a girl like me (that I was aware off), I wasn't too the best looking when I was younger so I missed out on having a cute teenage girlfriend, but now I have grown into a decent looking guy. i dont know anything about her, whether she is unvaxxed or not, her beliefs etc, but if I transfer I will never know.
It's not about her age (it is a big + though) but mainly she is cute and likes me. I learnt a long time ago it doesn't matter if you like a girl or do stuff for her, if she doesn't find you attractive then you are cooked.
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You obviously need to get her contact.
You can ask for her number next time she comes and then call her to set up a date after a few days. Nothing fancy, please. Then you can get to know her better, as you go out on more dates if you are still both interested. Just go out to some coffee shop and talk for a while. Nothing behind closed doors, of course.
Chances are that she is not a fantastic and virtuous Catholic woman, but at least you will learn how to deal with women a little bit. You just need to take care not to sin with her.
You can't keep away from a better job just because you get a cute customer now. If she really likes you, she will go out with you at least once to know you a little better, but you need to make the first move.
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You obviously need to get her contact.
You can ask for her number next time she comes and then call her to set up a date after a few days. Nothing fancy, please. Then you can get to know her better, as you go out on more dates if you are still both interested. Just go out to some coffee shop and talk for a while. Nothing behind closed doors, of course.
Chances are that she is not a fantastic and virtuous Catholic woman, but at least you will learn how to deal with women a little bit. You just need to take care not to sin with her.
You can't keep away from a better job just because you get a cute customer now. If she really likes you, she will go out with you at least once to know you a little better, but you need to make the first move.
The only issue is that there is a Catholic girl I like who is unvaxxed, and frankly more attractive than this secular girl, however she is only a few years older.
But, I don't know if she likes me, and since I'm a big bad feeneynite I don't think she will accept for or her parents may not like me because of my strong beliefs.
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You obviously need to get her contact.
You can ask for her number next time she comes and then call her to set up a date after a few days. Nothing fancy, please. Then you can get to know her better, as you go out on more dates if you are still both interested. Just go out to some coffee shop and talk for a while. Nothing behind closed doors, of course.
Chances are that she is not a fantastic and virtuous Catholic woman, but at least you will learn how to deal with women a little bit. You just need to take care not to sin with her.
You can't keep away from a better job just because you get a cute customer now. If she really likes you, she will go out with you at least once to know you a little better, but you need to make the first move.
Good advice, really couldn't hurt to go on a date in a public place. Just don't get your hopes up, there's probably a 0.05% chance she'll convert to trad Catholicism if she is secular
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The only issue is that there is a Catholic girl I like who is unvaxxed, and frankly more attractive than this secular girl, however she is only a few years older.
But, I don't know if she likes me, and since I'm a big bad feeneynite I don't think she will accept for or her parents may not like me because of my strong beliefs.
It is harder to make it work with older women.
I don't think you should label yourself like this. You might be big, but you are not bad. I don't see how being a "feeneyte" is a deal breaker, unless you have an extreme mentality yourself. You don't even have to bring it up when you meet a girl's family.
Either way, if you go out on a date with the pretty younger girl, it does not mean that you are blowing your chances with all the other women in the world. You just go and talk to her for a while. It's not engagement, it's not marriage, it's only a date. If you don't like each other, you simply go on with your lives and meet other people.
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I missed out on having a cute teenage girlfriend
This is the red flag here. Also, you use gen Z lingo like "cooked" but you say you're older? Are you sure you're not LARPing as an older person, and making up this whole thing?
I think the answer is clear. Women in their prime of beauty are attractive and desirable, for all ages of men. The question is, should you give them a second thought, or is it like driving past a 10 million dollar mansion: "Wow! look at that house! I wonder what it would be like to live in a place like that. Oh well" and you drive on, not giving it a second thought, and certainly not obsessing over it, letting it ruin your life. The fact is, most men will die before ever owning a $10 million piece of property. That is reality, that is life, and the happy ones are the ones who can accept that reality.
People have to adjust their expectations to reality all the time. Remember, everyone (worldwide) thinks that young, beautiful, white women are 1st tier. But over 90% of the world has to look at themselves in the mirror and say, "I'll never get one". They didn't exactly win the genetic lottery, and they know it. A few hard-working and ambitious ones end up becoming rich, and sometimes achieving many of their "dreams" -- including buying that $10 million property, or marrying a woman of top-tier beauty.
But you don't need a $10 million mansion to be happy, and you don't need a "10" on the looks scale to be happy either.
A lesser version of this applies even to white men. They also have to be realistic and not be constantly shooting for the stars in everything. Think of all the OTHER physical attributes in this life besides race (i.e., height, weight, looks, wealth, intellect, social prowess, etc.) that you might not be "maxed out" in, stats-wise.
Moral of the story: we ALL have to be realistic, and 99.99% of people have to "settle" to SOME degree in just about every category in life. Learning to do this is KEY to being even somewhat happy in this valley of tears.
But moving on to the most important point: letting your attraction to this teen girl be more than a passing fancy. I feel your pain; I was there myself and I don't care how many years ago it was. I remember it like it was yesterday (I have a good memory). But if there's one thing I'd slap my younger self over, not being afraid how it would affect me/the future, it would be this. Don't drool, obsess over, or give more than a passing thought to non-Catholic women! It isn't going to work.
Just think about how you wouldn't get along. Yeah, she's cute/gorgeous/feminine/sweet/hot/etc. and seems to be your type. That is literally infatuation by the way. Unless reason is involved, it's infatuation. Infatuation is superficial, just about surface qualities and mostly looks. You know *nothing* about her aside from the fact she's a decently feminine and attractive girl.
You need to do an exercise -- start asking yourself some important questions: Would she start wearing skirts/dresses full time? Would she convert to the Catholic Faith? Would she continue to wear shorts like she's wearing right now? Would she insist on working -- after all, you met her while she was at work (not saying this applies in your specific case, but it usually does)? Is she a liberal? Is she open to having a large family, using no birth control? Is she *at all* open to Traditional Catholicism? How was she raised? What are her values? How much virtue does she have? Can she cook/clean/take care of children? Does she know ANY of the domestic arts? Would she make a good mother for your children? Does she fear God? How much feminism has she been taught, part of who she is, in her very bones? How worldly is she? Would she spend you into poverty, even if she DID convert and marry you? If she doesn't have established virtue (fearing God, mortification, etc.) then she could easily cheat on you and/or divorce-rape you in 7, 10, or 15 years. A leopard can't change his spots.
And if you're a real Trad, there are even more obstacles. What would she think of you, if she knew all your positions and beliefs? Would she be able to oppose the whole world (with you) on things like vaccinations, the holocoaster, the spicy flu, public school, the mainstream media, etc.? Is she a fan of hollywood movies, TV, NASA, and Neil Degrasse Tyson? (Yuck!) see, it would never work. No pretty face is worth that.
Yeah -- that's got to be a huge wet blanket. Sorry to be a party pooper and I don't want to depress or blackpill you, but when you aren't clouded by infatuation, the answer is pretty clear. Statistically, you'd be more likely to find $10,000 on the street than to find a random "pagan" beauty who is just one single thirtysomething Trad man away from becoming a great, modestly dressed, virtuous Trad Catholic mom of 10.
I'm a married man but rarely I'll encounter a beautiful young lady who is feminine, and if I feel any tug of attraction I just run through that list of questions. It helps put out the fires of attraction at the source. Actually my list of questions is a bit different -- I'm married, I have a family, etc. But I think the concept is sound: engage your rational brain, and help your self realize why it would never work. Just admire God's creation and move on. The less you think about it (much less obsess over it) the better.
TL;DR - You need to look at the big picture, not just her clear, fair skin and symmetrical face.
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
100% a woman would ask this in the Women's forum.
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100% a woman would ask this in the Women's forum.
Ok let me rephrase my question, because I think I did not give enough information.
I have not seen the women talk about these situations (see OP quoted below) anywhere on the CI forum in my almost two years of being here. Why do men ask for input on dating and women don't? Maybe because there are not many single women looking for marriage on CI (just my guess).
So I'm currently thinking about doing a store transfer at my work to somewhere slightly closer to home (about 5 minutes less drive). Mainly I want more consistent hours, I already get decent hours at my current workplace but it's added hours and not a strong base contract. They other store has yet to tell me what they can offer me.
I am also biased here as there is a cute teenage girl who comes in who likes me (i know because I heard her friend say "I can see why you like him", and she always smiles and touches her hair when she see me). Franky I've never had a girl like me (that I was aware off), I wasn't too the best looking when I was younger so I missed out on having a cute teenage girlfriend, but now I have grown into a decent looking guy. i dont know anything about her, whether she is unvaxxed or not, her beliefs etc, but if I transfer I will never know.
It's not about her age (it is a big + though) but mainly she is cute and likes me. I learnt a long time ago it doesn't matter if you like a girl or do stuff for her, if she doesn't find you attractive then you are cooked.
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if she doesn't find you attractive then you are cooked.
You gave yourself away. There is no chance the OP is over 25.
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It is harder to make it work with older women.
I don't think you should label yourself like this. You might be big, but you are not bad. I don't see how being a "feeneyte" is a deal breaker, unless you have an extreme mentality yourself. You don't even have to bring it up when you meet a girl's family.
Either way, if you go out on a date with the pretty younger girl, it does not mean that you are blowing your chances with all the other women in the world. You just go and talk to her for a while. It's not engagement, it's not marriage, it's only a date. If you don't like each other, you simply go on with your lives and meet other people.
I meant she is older than the other teen, one is mid teens (I'm not certain) the other is late teens.
Since I believe in EENS and not BoD/BoB I feel this will be an issue in raising children, eventually it will come up. Should I just not mention it before marriage? That feels wrong.
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This is the red flag here. Also, you use gen Z lingo like "cooked" but you say you're older? Are you sure you're not LARPing as an older person, and making up this whole thing?
I think the answer is clear. Women in their prime of beauty are attractive and desirable, for all ages of men. The question is, should you give them a second thought, or is it like driving past a 10 million dollar mansion: "Wow! look at that house! I wonder what it would be like to live in a place like that. Oh well" and you drive on, not giving it a second thought, and certainly not obsessing over it, letting it ruin your life. The fact is, most men will die before ever owning a $10 million piece of property. That is reality, that is life, and the happy ones are the ones who can accept that reality.
People have to adjust their expectations to reality all the time. Remember, everyone (worldwide) thinks that young, beautiful, white women are 1st tier. But over 90% of the world has to look at themselves in the mirror and say, "I'll never get one". They didn't exactly win the genetic lottery, and they know it. A few hard-working and ambitious ones end up becoming rich, and sometimes achieving many of their "dreams" -- including buying that $10 million property, or marrying a woman of top-tier beauty.
But you don't need a $10 million mansion to be happy, and you don't need a "10" on the looks scale to be happy either.
A lesser version of this applies even to white men. They also have to be realistic and not be constantly shooting for the stars in everything. Think of all the OTHER physical attributes in this life besides race (i.e., height, weight, looks, wealth, intellect, social prowess, etc.) that you might not be "maxed out" in, stats-wise.
Moral of the story: we ALL have to be realistic, and 99.99% of people have to "settle" to SOME degree in just about every category in life. Learning to do this is KEY to being even somewhat happy in this valley of tears.
But moving on to the most important point: letting your attraction to this teen girl be more than a passing fancy. I feel your pain; I was there myself and I don't care how many years ago it was. I remember it like it was yesterday (I have a good memory). But if there's one thing I'd slap my younger self over, not being afraid how it would affect me/the future, it would be this. Don't drool, obsess over, or give more than a passing thought to non-Catholic women! It isn't going to work.
Just think about how you wouldn't get along. Yeah, she's cute/gorgeous/feminine/sweet/hot/etc. and seems to be your type. That is literally infatuation by the way. Unless reason is involved, it's infatuation. Infatuation is superficial, just about surface qualities and mostly looks. You know *nothing* about her aside from the fact she's a decently feminine and attractive girl.
You need to do an exercise -- start asking yourself some important questions: Would she start wearing skirts/dresses full time? Would she convert to the Catholic Faith? Would she continue to wear shorts like she's wearing right now? Would she insist on working -- after all, you met her while she was at work (not saying this applies in your specific case, but it usually does)? Is she a liberal? Is she open to having a large family, using no birth control? Is she *at all* open to Traditional Catholicism? How was she raised? What are her values? How much virtue does she have? Can she cook/clean/take care of children? Does she know ANY of the domestic arts? Would she make a good mother for your children? Does she fear God? How much feminism has she been taught, part of who she is, in her very bones? How worldly is she? Would she spend you into poverty, even if she DID convert and marry you? If she doesn't have established virtue (fearing God, mortification, etc.) then she could easily cheat on you and/or divorce-rape you in 7, 10, or 15 years. A leopard can't change his spots.
And if you're a real Trad, there are even more obstacles. What would she think of you, if she knew all your positions and beliefs? Would she be able to oppose the whole world (with you) on things like vaccinations, the holocoaster, the spicy flu, public school, the mainstream media, etc.? Is she a fan of hollywood movies, TV, NASA, and Neil Degrasse Tyson? (Yuck!) see, it would never work. No pretty face is worth that.
Yeah -- that's got to be a huge wet blanket. Sorry to be a party pooper and I don't want to depress or blackpill you, but when you aren't clouded by infatuation, the answer is pretty clear. Statistically, you'd be more likely to find $10,000 on the street than to find a random "pagan" beauty who is just one single thirtysomething Trad man away from becoming a great, modestly dressed, virtuous Trad Catholic mom of 10.
I'm a married man but rarely I'll encounter a beautiful young lady who is feminine, and if I feel any tug of attraction I just run through that list of questions. It helps put out the fires of attraction at the source. Actually my list of questions is a bit different -- I'm married, I have a family, etc. But I think the concept is sound: engage your rational brain, and help your self realize why it would never work. Just admire God's creation and move on. The less you think about it (much less obsess over it) the better.
TL;DR - You need to look at the big picture, not just her clear, fair skin and symmetrical face.
Thanks for your response, funnily enough the Catholic girl I like is much more attractive and she may also like me, she mentioned that everyone forgets her so I wonder if she wanted me to remember her, I told her I wouldn't forgot her.
As for this secular girl I have thought about the questions you mentioned, just I have yet to speak with her as I am the one who was working, so unless she finds me I can't go find her. I think I just like the feeling of being liked/desired.
Also the oldest gen z is ~28. Not exactly young. And I do understand that a good secular woman is very rare, though the most she likes you the more likely it is she will adopt your beliefs.
It's just difficult as the Catholic girl goes to another chapel so I can't see her again unless she comes to mine, or I go out of my way to see and ask her for courtship, but I'm not ready for that, when I am I will because I really do love her (I pray for her to save her soul even if she doesn't marry me)
As for my job I probably will probably move locations, if I see that secular girl before I move I will ask her if she took any covid injections and go from there.
After all I don't want my children to be 'cooked' with altered DNA 'for real' 'no cap' 'bussing'. :cowboy:
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
Because women have more options than men at that age.
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
Because men are supposed to pursue
Because men are not taught things like women are
Because men tend to seek council to make the right (rationale) decision
Because the modern world is a lot harder on men
I'm not a women so I have zero clue and how women deal with these things.
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Because men are supposed to pursue
Because men are not taught things like women are
Because men tend to seek council to make the right (rationale) decision
Because the modern world is a lot harder on men
I'm not a women so I have zero clue and how women deal with these things.
Those are very rational answers and make sense to me. Does a woman have anything to add?
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Thanks for your response, funnily enough the Catholic girl I like is much more attractive and she may also like me, she mentioned that everyone forgets her so I wonder if she wanted me to remember her, I told her I wouldn't forgot her.
This gal has probably been wishing you would ask her out to dinner or coffee for awhile now. Seriously, You really should before someone else does!!
And then report back here because we are invested now. ;):popcorn: (https://www.cathinfo.com/index.php?topic=77153.msg988018#msg988018)
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This gal has probably been wishing you would ask her out to dinner or coffee for awhile now. Seriously, You really should before someone else does!!
And then report back here because we are invested now. ;):popcorn: (https://www.cathinfo.com/index.php?topic=77153.msg988018#msg988018)
I thought I ticked the box but I guess not. ⬆️
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I meant she is older than the other teen, one is mid teens (I'm not certain) the other is late teens.
Since I believe in EENS and not BoD/BoB I feel this will be an issue in raising children, eventually it will come up. Should I just not mention it before marriage? That feels wrong.
That's like saying that she might not agree with you on the historical significance of the Roman Empire. You'd be extremely blessed if this was the biggest disagreement between you and a potential spouse.
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It's just difficult as the Catholic girl goes to another chapel so I can't see her again unless she comes to mine, or I go out of my way to see and ask her for courtship, but I'm not ready for that, when I am I will because I really do love her (I pray for her to save her soul even if she doesn't marry me)
How far away? How about just go to Mass where she does?
if I see that secular girl before I move I will ask her if she took any covid injections and go from there.
What a way to introduce yourself! :laugh1:
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I meant she is older than the other teen, one is mid teens (I'm not certain) the other is late teens.
Since I believe in EENS and not BoD/BoB I feel this will be an issue in raising children, eventually it will come up. Should I just not mention it before marriage? That feels wrong.
I would try to make sure she has at least a somewhat correct view on EENS, as someone who holds salvation through invincible ignorance, implicit BOD, anonymous Christianism, etc. will probably view a "Feeneyite" as a heretic. I am fine with someone holding BOD for catechumens/those with explicit faith (until that is condemned, that is)..but even that seems to be rare
Anyone know where a brother can find a single "Feeneyite" lady? :cowboy:
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This gal has probably been wishing you would ask her out to dinner or coffee for awhile now. Seriously, You really should before someone else does!!
And then report back here because we are invested now. ;):popcorn: (https://www.cathinfo.com/index.php?topic=77153.msg988018#msg988018)
I would really love to but she goes to a different chapel. Either she comes for one of the sung masses where I am and I can see her again, or I become financially capable of providing for a family and specifically go see her and formally ask her for courtship. But right now I am not going to see her at the indult because I am not capable at the moment, I have nothing there because they don't have valid sacraments, as the the girl it would feel weird if I went to my morning mass then went to the indult to wait for her when I am not financially stable. If she feels the same way about me then she can wait for me. Otherwise...
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How far away? How about just go to Mass where she does?
What a way to introduce yourself! :laugh1:
The problem is that she goes to the indult, so if I so see her I won't be attending their 'mass'. I would just be waiting around outside. And since we've only spoken once I don't want to make it weird.
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I would try to make sure she has at least a somewhat correct view on EENS, as someone who holds salvation through invincible ignorance, implicit BOD, anonymous Christianism, etc. will probably view a "Feeneyite" as a heretic. I am fine with someone holding BOD for catechumens/those with explicit faith (until that is condemned, that is)..but even that seems to be rare
Anyone know where a brother can find a single "Feeneyite" lady? :cowboy:
There were a few online but they blocked me because I occasionally repost MHFM materials, I guess my views are too balanced for even some feeneyites... Those girls were even on cathinfo for a while but they got banned for whatever reason.
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Don't forget OP runs the risk of being attacked as a pedo just for taking with teenage girls. I've spoken with men in their mid/late 20s and they are all brainwashed.
The usual
"Anything past 18 is game"
"Young girls are immature"
Even if you suggest no degeneracy or no sinful behaviour they still don't get it. Even bringing up woman's peak fertility doesn't work on normies.
So yeah if OP goes on a date with a young teenage girl they is a real risk of busy bodies doing evil things due to judaeo-feminist propaganda.
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
Girls are more likely to speak about these subjects with their parents and female peers. Also younger ladies are probably not on this forum.
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Why is it that men ask these types of anonymous questions on CI and the women don't?
First of all, I think these types of questions have been the same person. Second of all, I think men are less likely to ask about this in the men's only room because it can't be done anonymously there. Women are less likely to care if this kind of question is not anonymous in the women only room.
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It's just difficult as the Catholic girl goes to another chapel so I can't see her again unless she comes to mine, or I go out of my way to see and ask her for courtship, but I'm not ready for that, when I am I will because I really do love her (I pray for her to save her soul even if she doesn't marry me)
What do you mean by "going out of your way"? Exactly how far away is she/will she be? Why would that be "going out of your way"? Also, why is asking for courtship something that would have to happen immediately?
And, if she is an attractive, young lady AND Catholic, I'm not understanding why you wouldn't go out of your way. I'm confused by your situation.
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What do you mean by "going out of your way"? Exactly how far away is she/will she be? Why would that be "going out of your way"? Also, why is asking for courtship something that would have to happen immediately?
And, if she is an attractive, young lady AND Catholic, I'm not understanding why you wouldn't go out of your way. I'm confused by your situation.
I don't want to hang around the indult chapel to find her unless I'm ready to provide for a family.
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I don't want to hang around the indult chapel to find her unless I'm ready to provide for a family.
Don't even think about it until you are ready for a courtship-to-marriage scenario that's objectively a possibility.
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Don't even think about it until you are ready for a courtship-to-marriage scenario that's objectively a possibility.
I know rationally this is the best option but I have been emotional lately and attacked very bad thoughts, both in despair and depression.
I really do love this girl and would be very upset if she forgot about me or found someone else, yet I know there isn't much I can actually do in this situation. This is very frustrating because as a man I like to feel in control or have a guarantee. If she really likes me she would wait to see me again wouldn't she?
I also don't to cause scandal by going near the indult (they don't have valid orders) or seeing a girl for a relationship when I'm not financially ready.
Frankly I'm worried this girl will go to hell when she died because the indult has no valid orders, meaning her confessions are not absolved, her communions aren't real, and her mass is but an imitation. I want to help her save her soul.
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Don't even think about it until you are ready for a courtship-to-marriage scenario that's objectively a possibility.
I find it impossible not to think about her as I love her.
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I find it impossible not to think about her as I love her.
What advice did your parents give you?
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I know rationally this is the best option but I have been emotional lately and attacked very bad thoughts, both in despair and depression.
I really do love this girl and would be very upset if she forgot about me or found someone else, yet I know there isn't much I can actually do in this situation. This is very frustrating because as a man I like to feel in control or have a guarantee. If she really likes me she would wait to see me again wouldn't she?
I also don't to cause scandal by going near the indult (they don't have valid orders) or seeing a girl for a relationship when I'm not financially ready.
Frankly I'm worried this girl will go to hell when she died because the indult has no valid orders, meaning her confessions are not absolved, her communions aren't real, and her mass is but an imitation. I want to help her save her soul.
The best you can do is pray for her, which I'm sure you already do. May Our Lady pray and intercede for her that she may come to realize the dangers of the indult, live a holy life and die a happy death. Unfortunately many of us young men will have to wait until we are not-so-young men to be financially secure enough for marriage. Prayers for you to, we are in the same boat..may we surrender to God's will in all things :pray:
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What advice did your parents give you?
I have not the best communication with my parents, and frankly they have given me bad advice in the past.
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If you don’t mind me asking, how many hours a week are you working? Any way you can increase your hours/get a second job? Many husbands work 60+ hours a week to support their families. Being single is the best time to get ahead by working like crazy. Once you have a family you will be crunched for time always.
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Don't forget OP runs the risk of being attacked as a pedo just for taking with teenage girls. I've spoken with men in their mid/late 20s and they are all brainwashed.
The usual
"Anything past 18 is game"
"Young girls are immature"
Even if you suggest no degeneracy or no sinful behaviour they still don't get it. Even bringing up woman's peak fertility doesn't work on normies.
So yeah if OP goes on a date with a young teenage girl they is a real risk of busy bodies doing evil things due to judaeo-feminist propaganda.
You are the reason I had both my sons and daughters read through your posts.
An example to my boys on who not to become and to my girls on who not to consider for marriage.
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Many husbands work 60+ hours a week to support their families.
I never understood this. Are they working minimum wage? Are their wives spending too much? Shooting for a middle class lifestyle?
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I'm gonna be very honest.
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I'm gonna be very honest.
It is currently not looking good at all for any guys making under.. 100k to support a family. and that's if you're in a non-expensive state.. Unless you come from straight money, you are not going to be ready until you have a nest egg, and absolutely no debt.. so, probably, 28-30 years old
(and I'm not talking about keeping up with the Jones's salaries)
The expenses have SHOT UP AN UNGODLY amount worthy of straight up war in the last 2.5 years.
I am so livid thinking about how they are at war with us, and we can't really do anything about it. It makes my blood boil. And we ALLLL KNOWWW who is behind it all...
The places that are in within range for living expenses are in areas not even remotely close to most Churches/Jobs.
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I find it impossible not to think about her as I love her.
I am not sure you can call it love. I think you love the idea of her and you think she is very pretty. I think you also think she has paid you attention, so you think she is returning your feelings. From other posts, I have deduced that you have only talked to her in person a couple of times.
I know times are tough. I know that it is hard to buy a house and have everything set in place.
If you really do think that God is telling you that this is the girl, then you need to up your game. You need to get a second job. You need to spend less time worrying and being on the internet.
I am sorry to be so blunt.
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I know rationally this is the best option but I have been emotional lately and attacked very bad thoughts, both in despair and depression.
I really do love this girl and would be very upset if she forgot about me or found someone else, yet I know there isn't much I can actually do in this situation. This is very frustrating because as a man I like to feel in control or have a guarantee. If she really likes me she would wait to see me again wouldn't she?
I also don't to cause scandal by going near the indult (they don't have valid orders) or seeing a girl for a relationship when I'm not financially ready.
Frankly I'm worried this girl will go to hell when she died because the indult has no valid orders, meaning her confessions are not absolved, her communions aren't real, and her mass is but an imitation. I want to help her save her soul.
Some things, in no particular order, come to mind:
Do you actually love her or do you love being in love? It's not always easy to tell the difference when you're going through it.
I know some will disagree and label it as "imprudent", but almost all of the couples that I know that have stayed married long term (talking 50+ years) started out with both being relatively poor. When asked, universally they agree that having both start with nothing was a boon to their relationship because they built their lives together. Everything they have is theirs together, there's no room for resentment where one feels like they've sacrificed more than the other.
I'm pretty sure none of us would exist if not for, at some point in our ancestry, our forebears being "imprudent".
If the response is going to be something like, "well times are different, it's much harder now!", I reply with Sacred Scripture, " 8 All things are hard: man cannot explain them by word. The eye is not filled with seeing, neither is the ear filled with hearing. 9 What is it that hath been? the same thing that shall be. What is it that hath been done? the same that shall be done. 10 Nothing under the sun is new, neither is any man able to say: Behold this is new: for it hath already gone before in the ages that were before us."
I know it's difficult. You're not alone. I know there's an overwhelming number of reasons action and progress seems impossible, but it's really not.
I'm seeing more and more clearly for myself how important it is to shut it off and LIVE my life. I'm fasting all this week, if you're able, please join in. It does wonders for the body and the soul.
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Some things, in no particular order, come to mind:
Do you actually love her or do you love being in love? It's not always easy to tell the difference when you're going through it.
I know some will disagree and label it as "imprudent", but almost all of the couples that I know that have stayed married long term (talking 50+ years) started out with both being relatively poor. When asked, universally they agree that having both start with nothing was a boon to their relationship because they built their lives together. Everything they have is theirs together, there's no room for resentment where one feels like they've sacrificed more than the other.
I'm pretty sure none of us would exist if not for, at some point in our ancestry, our forebears being "imprudent".
If the response is going to be something like, "well times are different, it's much harder now!", I reply with Sacred Scripture, " 8 All things are hard: man cannot explain them by word. The eye is not filled with seeing, neither is the ear filled with hearing. 9 What is it that hath been? the same thing that shall be. What is it that hath been done? the same that shall be done. 10 Nothing under the sun is new, neither is any man able to say: Behold this is new: for it hath already gone before in the ages that were before us."
I know it's difficult. You're not alone. I know there's an overwhelming number of reasons action and progress seems impossible, but it's really not.
I'm seeing more and more clearly for myself how important it is to shut it off and LIVE my life. I'm fasting all this week, if you're able, please join in. It does wonders for the body and the soul.
THIS^^^
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I'm gonna be very honest.
It is currently not looking good at all for any guys making under.. 100k to support a family. and that's if you're in a non-expensive state.. Unless you come from straight money, you are not going to be ready until you have a nest egg, and absolutely no debt.. so, probably, 28-30 years old
(and I'm not talking about keeping up with the Jones's salaries)
The expenses have SHOT UP AN UNGODLY amount worthy of straight up war in the last 2.5 years.
I am so livid thinking about how they are at war with us, and we can't really do anything about it. It makes my blood boil. And we ALLLL KNOWWW who is behind it all...
The places that are in within range for living expenses are in areas not even remotely close to most Churches/Jobs.
80% of Americans make under 100k per year...
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You are the reason I had both my sons and daughters read through your posts.
An example to my boys on who not to become and to my girls on who not to consider for marriage.
Not sure what you mean by that, secular people are very brainwashed by feminism. They consider that soon as a girl is 18 she can do whatever she wants but before that it's not ok because the 'law' (which isn't even a law).
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You are the reason I had both my sons and daughters read through your posts.
An example to my boys on who not to become and to my girls on who not to consider for marriage.
Do you think there is a misunderstanding somewhere?
The OP just sounds like a man who has a lot of thoughts weighing on his shoulder when it comes to his future. And the cards really seem to be stacked against a traditional Catholic white male.
The posts are anonymous, so you don't really know who is saying what.
If the OP does not have family to teach him the Catholic way, then he has to come to CI or other places on the internet. Why do people see the worst in people all the time? Do we not trust God anymore? Do we not trust our Guardian Angels? Do we not trust the Sacraments? Has the media fed us a bill of goods that even true Catholics can't seem to rise above?
Don't you think your comment was a bit presumptive and harsh? You didn't even specify what exactly you were trying to teach your children. What exactly in this conversation is so offensive?
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Do you think there is a misunderstanding somewhere?
The OP just sounds like a man who has a lot of thoughts weighing on his shoulder when it comes to his future. And the cards really seem to be stacked against a traditional Catholic white male.
The posts are anonymous, so you don't really know who is saying what.
If the OP does not have family to teach him the Catholic way, then he has to come to CI or other places on the internet. Why do people see the worst in people all the time? Do we not trust God anymore? Do we not trust our Guardian Angels? Do we not trust the Sacraments? Has the media fed us a bill of goods that even true Catholics can't seem to rise above?
Don't you think your comment was a bit presumptive and harsh? You didn't even specify what exactly you were trying to teach your children. What exactly in this conversation is so offensive?
I agree, that comment seems prideful. Besides, it's not up to this person as to who their daughter chooses for marriage. Some things are better not said aloud.
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I'm gonna be very honest.
It is currently not looking good at all for any guys making under.. 100k
Some men will never make this amount yearly though. Are they just supposed to not marry?
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Some men will never make this amount yearly though. Are they just supposed to not marry?
I don't know what the solution is.
Unless we find a lot of women willing to live below their "means", all I know is that it's gonna be a trial the wife will have to be willing to put up with. A lot, wont, and won't admit that they won't.
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I don't know what the solution is.
Unless we find a lot of women willing to live below their "means", all I know is that it's gonna be a trial the wife will have to be willing to put up with. A lot, wont, and won't admit that they won't.
Well, as with most things, it might have to be taken in baby steps. However, part of the solution might just lie in your comment. A good first baby step might be encouraging women to be honest with how much financial uncertainty they would be willing to endure in a relationship, and if that was affected at all by the quality of the man they would pursue a relationship with.
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I don't know what the solution is.
Unless we find a lot of women willing to live below their "means", all I know is that it's gonna be a trial the wife will have to be willing to put up with. A lot, wont, and won't admit that they won't.
There are 2 solutions (really 1 if both are applied)
1. Marrying an older man
2. Living in poverty/below/within means
If a man works hard in his youth, even in this economy he can have a house paid off by the time he is 35/40. This is similar to Aristotle's time (though the reason of the circuмstance is slightly different).
If he wants to home school (and I highly recommend it) then he really can't afford to be paying a loan, having a house and no debt is very important. This also means the woman should not have a loan either, though a young lady most likely would not have started extra schooling and even if she did her debt would be small.
Of course you now have a problem. Most girls do not want an age gap too large. 3-5 years seems to be considered normal for people nowadays unless you happen to look young as a guy.
So if she is in her teens or 20s she may not be pleased with marrying a guy in his mid 30s to early 40s. While the Father of Saint Pope Pius 10th was ~22 years older than his wife, the world has changed and most people may not lime such a gap, even if the circuмstances require it for most people to get married.
Also most men who will go bald, will have significant balding or complete baldness by that age, which is another factor. So the age and hair factor will also make the ladies less happy with their options.
Of course if you want a women to understand the importance of working just get her to work full time in retail or hospitality for a few months, then she will appreciate the opportunity of being a full time wife and mother. And if you make her work a harb labour job for a while that will also make it pretty apparent. Being a housewife might have it's difficulties but it's much more fulfilling and loving and not soul crushing like waging.
As for women who are 30+, this is difficult because from 30-35 she can have children, but it's just much harder and you won't be having a large family, and 35+ is considered a geriatric pregnancy meaning there is significant risk.
The woman may feel like she is getting a raw deal by marrying a much older man, but he may still be able to be in shape and have good hygiene+grooming which can help. Though in hard economies like this there are few options.
The man may feel like his getting a raw deal if he marries a women past 30 since he has had to slave away every day with little incentive, no love or comfort, just the hope he may one day get to marry a lovely lady and have a family. Infact he may be unwilling to marry a woman over 30 simply due to the risk of having no children. His own fertility is already significantly in decline so breeding with an older woman is only going to increase the risk, at least a young woman can offset his lower fertility with her prime fertility.
Both sides have it hard, if people wish to get married they will need to be realistic and make some sacrifices.
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You're not that old and you don't have to own a house free and clear just to get married.
However, let me just say that if you have your running list of reasons as to why you're not going to go talk to the Catholic girl, don't toss that list out the window just because some secular girl smiles at you.
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The only issue is that there is a Catholic girl I like who is unvaxxed, and frankly more attractive than this secular girl, however she is only a few years older.
But, I don't know if she likes me, and since I'm a big bad feeneynite I don't think she will accept for or her parents may not like me because of my strong beliefs.y
Women are chameleons. If things work out between you, she will also become a "big bad feeneyite". There is no need to wait forever for the girl who matches all your beliefs.
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You're not that old and you don't have to own a house free and clear just to get married.
However, let me just say that if you have your running list of reasons as to why you're not going to go talk to the Catholic girl, don't toss that list out the window just because some secular girl smiles at you.
It's not that I dont want to talk to her, it's that doing so would require me to go to the indult, or rather hang around the indult while they are in 'mass'. And what would I say to her? "Want to be my girlfriend?", it just seems weird to me. At least if I was financially capable I would have a reason to go and see her.
Women are chameleons. If things work out between you, she will also become a "big bad feeneyite". There is no need to wait forever for the girl who matches all your beliefs.
I agree with you and thank you for your statement, I sometimes need to hear it instead of getting stuck in my own thoughts.
As it stands I am just going to wait until she comes again to my chapel, and if she doesn't show up until I am financially ready I will then go see her and hope that she waited for me. Of course that doesn't mean she is the right person for me if she doesn't meet certain criteria that I have for women. So far she meets one of them (unvaxxed).
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You snooze, you lose.
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Whatsoever shall befall the just man. it shall not make him sad: but the wicked shall be filled with mischief.
[Proverbs 12:21]
OP you should at least try talking to people at your chapel who know her. Maybe they can contact her for you? Otherwise go visit her before it's too late, lest you lose her like this guy is implying.
You snooze, you lose.
Even if she rejects you just accept it as God's will.
the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away: as it hath pleased the Lord so is it done: blessed be the name of the Lord.
[Job 1:21]
You might be very anxious and nervous about going to see her in fear of being rejected, but it's better to get rejected upfront than see she found another because you waited too long.
What does Cathinfo think? Should OP go muster up the courage to talk to her? Even if he isn't ready for marriage?
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Don't be tentative. That turns a woman off. Take action, and life doesn't wait around for you to be ready or in a better position to act. Nobody is ever fully ready for anything, so if you're waiting until you feel you're fully ready to act, then you'll be waiting while life passes you by.
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Don't be tentative. That turns a woman off. Take action, and life doesn't wait around for you to be ready or in a better position to act. Nobody is ever fully ready for anything, so if you're waiting until you feel you're fully ready to act, then you'll be waiting while life passes you by.
I agree, but doing this when you are CLEARY not ready to be married financially/temporally is not prudent.
Who knows, maybe her family has money. lol
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Women are chameleons. If things work out between you, she will also become a "big bad feeneyite". There is no need to wait forever for the girl who matches all your beliefs.
This.
There is a great Star Trek TNG episode called "The Perfect Mate" that explains women perfectly.
Matthew
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OP here, I first met this girl just over 4 months ago. At that time she suggested for me to come to the indult. She also started university this year so I am worried she has forgotten about me or found someone else.
I was originally going to wait for the next time she came to my chapel believing it to be more proper and scandalous if I went to hang around the indult but this week I have been very restless, it's been especially painful, I don't think I can wait any longer. I am going to go see her this Sunday, I just don't know what mass time she goes to. So I will go to my earliest mass option for my Sunday obligation then wait around the courtyard of the indult, hopefully she is there and hopefully she hasn't forgotten about me.
I regret not getting her contact details when I met her but I didn't understand what I was feeling until she left.
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OP here, I first met this girl just over 4 months ago. At that time she suggested for me to come to the indult. She also started university this year so I am worried she has forgotten about me or found someone else.
I was originally going to wait for the next time she came to my chapel believing it to be more proper and scandalous if I went to hang around the indult but this week I have been very restless, it's been especially painful, I don't think I can wait any longer. I am going to go see her this Sunday, I just don't know what mass time she goes to. So I will go to my earliest mass option for my Sunday obligation then wait around the courtyard of the indult, hopefully she is there and hopefully she hasn't forgotten about me.
I regret not getting her contact details when I met her but I didn't understand what I was feeling until she left.
Prayers for you. Please let us know how it turns out.
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OP here, I first met this girl just over 4 months ago. At that time she suggested for me to come to the indult. She also started university this year so I am worried she has forgotten about me or found someone else.
I was originally going to wait for the next time she came to my chapel believing it to be more proper and scandalous if I went to hang around the indult but this week I have been very restless, it's been especially painful, I don't think I can wait any longer. I am going to go see her this Sunday, I just don't know what mass time she goes to. So I will go to my earliest mass option for my Sunday obligation then wait around the courtyard of the indult, hopefully she is there and hopefully she hasn't forgotten about me.
I regret not getting her contact details when I met her but I didn't understand what I was feeling until she left.
Yeah, man. There is no "I have more time". You have to act now or upon that very opportunity. Be like a cheetah. Focus. Commit. Jump. Accelerate. Engage.
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OP here, I first met this girl just over 4 months ago. At that time she suggested for me to come to the indult. She also started university this year so I am worried she has forgotten about me or found someone else.
I was originally going to wait for the next time she came to my chapel believing it to be more proper and scandalous if I went to hang around the indult but this week I have been very restless, it's been especially painful, I don't think I can wait any longer. I am going to go see her this Sunday, I just don't know what mass time she goes to. So I will go to my earliest mass option for my Sunday obligation then wait around the courtyard of the indult, hopefully she is there and hopefully she hasn't forgotten about me.
I regret not getting her contact details when I met her but I didn't understand what I was feeling until she left.
Godspeed, brother :pray:
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Yeah, man. There is no "I have more time". You have to act now or upon that very opportunity. Be like a cheetah. Focus. Commit. Jump. Accelerate. Engage.
Godspeed, brother :pray:
Thanks for your encouragement, in the past whenever I have been in love with someone they have always rejected me, this has made it much more difficult to open up and tell the ladies that I am interested. Also as the day draws closer and closer my anxiety and nerves build up. It's quite low now (similar to a small sense of impending doom) but on Sunday I fear that I may be shaking/sweating before I even get to my mass let alone her chapel. My melancholic temperament doesn't help either. So I really do appreciate your prayers and kind words.
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Thanks for your encouragement, in the past whenever I have been in love with someone they have always rejected me, this has made it much more difficult to open up and tell the ladies that I am interested. Also as the day draws closer and closer my anxiety and nerves build up. It's quite low now (similar to a small sense of impending doom) but on Sunday I fear that I may be shaking/sweating before I even get to my mass let alone her chapel. My melancholic temperament doesn't help either. So I really do appreciate your prayers and kind words.
:pray::pray::pray: Keep us posted.
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:pray::pray::pray: Keep us posted.
Currently having a lot of annoying thoughts
"What if she says no"
"What if her parents say no"
"What if her parents ask me why I don't attend the indult, and they reject me because of my beliefs"
"What should I tell her?"
"Should I confess my love or just that im interested in her and ask her if she's interested in me"
"Should i talk to her or her parents first"
"Should I tell her parents privately that I love her and want to help her get into heaven"
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Currently having a lot of annoying thoughts
"What if she says no"
"What if her parents say no"
"What if her parents ask me why I don't attend the indult, and they reject me because of my beliefs"
"What should I tell her?"
"Should I confess my love or just that im interested in her and ask her if she's interested in me"
"Should i talk to her or her parents first"
"Should I tell her parents privately that I love her and want to help her get into heaven"
I think I am just going to be authentic, sincere and frank. I hope her parents appreciate it, I want to do things my way. I won't have any regrets this way, if she likes me then great, or not then I will just accept it as God's will (even though it will hurt alot). I am a man, I know how things SHOULD be done, so I am going to do that regardless of what others think or say.
(https://i.imgur.com/WVsL4RU.png)
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Currently having a lot of annoying thoughts
"What if she says no"
"What if her parents say no"
"What if her parents ask me why I don't attend the indult, and they reject me because of my beliefs"
"What should I tell her?"
"Should I confess my love or just that im interested in her and ask her if she's interested in me"
"Should i talk to her or her parents first"
"Should I tell her parents privately that I love her and want to help her get into heaven"
I would suggest asking for her number and simply saying you are interested in courting her. Too much too soon might scare her away.
And better to know sooner rather than later if she is interested or not because if she isn't then you can start the process of moving on.
Prayers for you. Please let us all know how it goes. :pray:
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I would suggest asking for her number and simply saying you are interested in courting her. Too much too soon might scare her away.
And better to know sooner rather than later if she is interested or not because if she isn't then you can start the process of moving on.
Prayers for you. Please let us all know how it goes. :pray:
Ok, my emotions are a bit difficult right now but your words are probably a good idea. I don't have work this Saturday so I am going to need to distract myself for an entire day somehow because thinking about it makes me over think it.
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OP here, I first met this girl just over 4 months ago. At that time she suggested for me to come to the indult. She also started university this year so I am worried she has forgotten about me or found someone else.
I was originally going to wait for the next time she came to my chapel believing it to be more proper and scandalous if I went to hang around the indult but this week I have been very restless, it's been especially painful, I don't think I can wait any longer. I am going to go see her this Sunday, I just don't know what mass time she goes to. So I will go to my earliest mass option for my Sunday obligation then wait around the courtyard of the indult, hopefully she is there and hopefully she hasn't forgotten about me.
I regret not getting her contact details when I met her but I didn't understand what I was feeling until she left.
Not sure how this will work out, but if you do this I would wait until after she comes out of church. Otherwise, she might invite you to come in with her. Also, I would advise you to not come on too strongly. Just mention that you were hoping to meet up with her again, and that it seemed this was the only way you could do it. Good luck!
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Not sure how this will work out, but if you do this I would wait until after she comes out of church. Otherwise, she might invite you to come in with her. Also, I would advise you to not come on too strongly. Just mention that you were hoping to meet up with her again, and that it seemed this was the only way you could do it. Good luck!
Alright I have 2 potential options here.
1.
Go to my early mass then take 20 minutes to get to indult, i would be getting to the indult 1 hour earlier than their 9:30 Sung mass (i think she is in the choir so she most likely will be at this mass). I would have to wait around somewhere.
Or 2.
Go to my 9am mass and get to the indult around 10:30. I won't have to worry about being asked to go into their mass but I don't know how long their sung mass is so it's possible I miss her.
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Alright I have 2 potential options here.
1.
Go to my early mass then take 20 minutes to get to indult, i would be getting to the indult 1 hour earlier than their 9:30 Sung mass (i think she is in the choir so she most likely will be at this mass). I would have to wait around somewhere.
Or 2.
Go to my 9am mass and get to the indult around 10:30. I won't have to worry about being asked to go into their mass but I don't know how long their sung mass is so it's possible I miss her.
Sorry mistake on 1. I would arrive there roughly 40 minutes before their sung mass not 1 hour.
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1.
Go to my early mass then take 20 minutes to get to indult, i would be getting to the indult 1 hour earlier than their 9:30 Sung mass (i think she is in the choir so she most likely will be at this mass). I would have to wait around somewhere.
Or 2.
Go to my 9am mass and get to the indult around 10:30. I won't have to worry about being asked to go into their mass but I don't know how long their sung mass is so it's possible I miss her.
I usually attend an "indult" Mass as you call it, at one of two different diocesan parishes. Both are High Masses (sung Mass with incense, and the Aspergus rite) lasting about one and half hours. If you are arriving one hour after the Mass began, I don't see how you could miss anyone. Even if their Mass lasts only an hour (I don't see how that is possible), people will still be visiting after Mass.
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Pray to the Angels for help. Hers and yours. And remember slow and steady wins the race.
As for Saturday. Do you have something physical you like to do? You need to make plans to do that. The only way to keep thoughts at bay is to be doing something. Maybe deep clean your spaces in your home.
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I am leaning more towards option 2, that way I won't have to worry about being asked to attend mass if someone asks. However option 1 gives me the possibility of talking to her before mass as well as after.
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I don't know. This song reminded me of the OP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ont9zKwlcXY&list=RDOnt9zKwlcXY&start_radio=1
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Go with Op. 2,
If, on the off chance you miss, just use Op. 1 next week.
She can't really get away, just use the best technique first.
Use the light approach as far as what to bring up and how early, you're trying to feel her out first. If she's not happy to associate with you in general (especially if/when you show special interest) you won't even get far enough for deep topics.
If she's thrilled to receive attentions from you, then you'll get the best possible hearing on any of the hard topics. (Be careful though, it can work both ways such that you could have a hard time taking a stand once you're in deep).
You also have to be careful that if you get her attached, she might take your positions on things to please you instead of being deeply convinced.
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Praying for you, and her. :pray:
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Go with Op. 2,
If, on the off chance you miss, just use Op. 1 next week.
She can't really get away, just use the best technique first.
Use the light approach as far as what to bring up and how early, you're trying to feel her out first. If she's not happy to associate with you in general (especially if/when you show special interest) you won't even get far enough for deep topics.
If she's thrilled to receive attentions from you, then you'll get the best possible hearing on any of the hard topics. (Be careful though, it can work both ways such that you could have a hard time taking a stand once you're in deep).
You also have to be careful that if you get her attached, she might take your positions on things to please you instead of being deeply convinced.
Next week I am serving at a later mass so if I can't see her this week it will be a long 2 week torturous wait.
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You waited this long already. More time to offer prayers if necessary.
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I don't know. This song reminded me of the OP.
Or this to help OP relax
https://youtube.com/watch?v=XpJEg6MTPzc
Even the top comment is on relevant lol
This music plays whenever I try to talk to a girl