I know rationally this is the best option but I have been emotional lately and attacked very bad thoughts, both in despair and depression.
I really do love this girl and would be very upset if she forgot about me or found someone else, yet I know there isn't much I can actually do in this situation. This is very frustrating because as a man I like to feel in control or have a guarantee. If she really likes me she would wait to see me again wouldn't she?
I also don't to cause scandal by going near the indult (they don't have valid orders) or seeing a girl for a relationship when I'm not financially ready.
Frankly I'm worried this girl will go to hell when she died because the indult has no valid orders, meaning her confessions are not absolved, her communions aren't real, and her mass is but an imitation. I want to help her save her soul.
Some things, in no particular order, come to mind:
Do you actually love her or do you love being in love? It's not always easy to tell the difference when you're going through it.
I know some will disagree and label it as "imprudent", but almost all of the couples that I know that have stayed married long term (talking 50+ years) started out with both being relatively poor. When asked, universally they agree that having both start with nothing was a boon to their relationship because they built their lives
together. Everything they have is theirs together, there's no room for resentment where one feels like they've sacrificed more than the other.
I'm pretty sure none of us would exist if not for, at some point in our ancestry, our forebears being "imprudent".
If the response is going to be something like, "well times are different, it's much harder now!", I reply with Sacred Scripture, " 8 All things are hard: man cannot explain them by word. The eye is not filled with seeing, neither is the ear filled with hearing. 9 What is it that hath been? the same thing that shall be. What is it that hath been done? the same that shall be done. 10 Nothing under the sun is new, neither is any man able to say: Behold this is new: for it hath already gone before in the ages that were before us."
I know it's difficult. You're not alone. I know there's an overwhelming number of reasons action and progress seems impossible, but it's really not.
I'm seeing more and more clearly for myself how important it is to shut it off and LIVE my life. I'm fasting all this week, if you're able, please join in. It does wonders for the body and the soul.