Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Anσnymσus Posts Allowed => Topic started by: Änσnymσus on August 11, 2024, 01:11:59 PM
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I’m wondering what would be the best way to go about this. I have family and friends who I can no longer associate with because they lead bad lives and are occasions of sin. I haven’t told them yet but I will have to soon.
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Might be a bad idea. It’s like burning bridges. Why not go low contact? Usually if someone stops hanging out, making plans, the other person gets the idea. The friends I don’t talk to anymore, I just stopped talking to them and they never initiated contact after that. Many times the friendship was one-sided.
With family, it can be tricky because they can live close or you depend on them. I would just put some boundaries and busy yourself so you can tell them you’re too busy to socialize with them. They’ll get the idea and stop initiating, I hope.
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With family, it can be tricky because they can live close or you depend on them. I would just put some boundaries and busy yourself so you can tell them you’re too busy to socialize with them. They’ll get the idea and stop initiating, I hope.
Can confirm this doesn't work for some.
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Might be a bad idea. It’s like burning bridges. Why not go low contact?
OP here.
There’s really no option because I have a child now and I know it’s a parent’s duty before God to prevent your children from being corrupted by anyone, even a family member, and this is what would happen if I were to let certain people come over to visit, which I know they will want to sooner or later.
What makes the situation a lot worse now is the existence of smartphones because they can show anything or get in a video call with anyone in an instant.
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Telling family and friends you can no longer associate with them
Why do think you need to tell them? Simply ignore them. They're not your owner. You have no obligation to be beholden to scandalous family and "friends".
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OP here.
There’s really no option because I have a child now and I know it’s a parent’s duty before God to prevent your children from being corrupted by anyone, even a family member, and this is what would happen if I were to let certain people come over to visit, which I know they will want to sooner or later.
What makes the situation a lot worse now is the existence of smartphones because they can show anything or get in a video call with anyone in an instant.
Do they visit without asking? Like showing up at your door? What do they say if you tell them you need space and alone time?
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Why do think you need to tell them? Simply ignore them. They're not your owner. You have no obligation to be beholden to scandalous family and "friends".
I guess I should explain some.
I’m a convert so I used to be close with family who are living worldly and scandalous lives. They have no concept of avoiding sin or what it means to live a virtuous life and I haven’t really “told them” too much, so some of them still think that they can just show up to my house for social visits, for example.
I haven’t “made them aware” that I won’t be like I used to be or hang around with them anymore so it’s this first instance that I’m not sure how to go about without making it unnecessarily bad.
Also, I moved out of the country and don’t live close to them anymore so they will have to fly here to come visit. They may or may not let me know in advance, so I don’t know if I should preemptively tell them so they don’t waste their money since tickets are usually non-refundable.
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Relatives are going to want to visit you and your child. You need to have some adult conversations and explain to your family the conditions for them to be in your new/faith-based life. Your motivation in all of this is charity. Your motivation is their understanding of your new life and, by your humility in explaining it, then hopefully they might convert sometime in the future.
Writing people off, with no warning, is not charitable, or humble, or mature. The Faith is not spread by isolation. If you explain your new faith in a humble way, you might be surprised at the changes people make to be agreeable to your Christian lifestyle.
It won't be easy but you have to try. Then, if you get negative or aggressive feedback, you can cut them off. And it won't be your fault, it will be theirs.
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Relatives are going to want to visit you and your child. You need to have some adult conversations and explain to your family the conditions for them to be in your new/faith-based life. Your motivation in all of this is charity. Your motivation is their understanding of your new life and, by your humility in explaining it, then hopefully they might convert sometime in the future.
Writing people off, with no warning, is not charitable, or humble, or mature. The Faith is not spread by isolation. If you explain your new faith in a humble way, you might be surprised at the changes people make to be agreeable to your Christian lifestyle.
It won't be easy but you have to try. Then, if you get negative or aggressive feedback, you can cut them off. And it won't be your fault, it will be theirs.
Yes, that is exactly what I want to avoid. Thank you for the advice.
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I guess I should explain some.
I’m a convert so I used to be close with family who are living worldly and scandalous lives. They have no concept of avoiding sin or what it means to live a virtuous life and I haven’t really “told them” too much, so some of them still think that they can just show up to my house for social visits, for example.
I haven’t “made them aware” that I won’t be like I used to be or hang around with them anymore so it’s this first instance that I’m not sure how to go about without making it unnecessarily bad.
Also, I moved out of the country and don’t live close to them anymore so they will have to fly here to come visit. They may or may not let me know in advance, so I don’t know if I should preemptively tell them so they don’t waste their money since tickets are usually non-refundable.
You are being overanxious. Let them come and observe how different you now that you have converted. Tell them your conversion story. Most likely they will run from you, if they are so bad, and if they are not so bad they may consider what you say. But I think the former most likely.
You don’t need to make them aware. They will see for themselves how different you have become. Has your dress style changed? stopped wearing make up, pants, jeans.
Don’t worry about them wasting their money. You are not responsible for their budget. More especially when they don’t give notice.
Relax and trust God has a purpose.
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Here’s a concrete case: how do you tell one of your uncles -who has no idea you converted and, years ago in a necessity before you converted, had you in his house for 10 days- that you cannot have both him and his partner (he’s not married) but only one of them at a time come and meet your child?
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Here’s a concrete case: how do you tell one of your uncles -who has no idea you converted and, years ago in a necessity before you converted, had you in his house for 10 days- that you cannot have both him and his partner (he’s not married) but only one of them at a time come and meet your child?
Partner? As in he is a open ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ?
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OP here.
There’s really no option because I have a child now and I know it’s a parent’s duty before God to prevent your children from being corrupted by anyone, even a family member, and this is what would happen if I were to let certain people come over to visit, which I know they will want to sooner or later.
What makes the situation a lot worse now is the existence of smartphones because they can show anything or get in a video call with anyone in an instant.
I won't give advice on how to do it, but do it - not only for yourself, but for your children.
In the 60s, Deo Gratias my parents did it, and it is one concern that I have never had. All of our relatives went NO when the changes were happening, and my parents had a more than a few big arguments and battles over it with relatives and friends, but it didn't take long for them to simply stop showing up and never come back. None of them even showed up for my parent's funerals. To this day I have never had to deal with any of that - thanks to my mom and dad doing what needed to be done when I was just a kid!
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Partner? As in he is a open ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ?
My godfather revealed after being invited to our wedding that he wanted to bring his male "partner" to our wedding...
Even though my father is novus ordo...and was not participating in our wedding because we weren't having it in a local parish church...and so merely attending and watching...
He was good enough to ask my godfather on my behalf not to come for the sake of all the little children attending our wedding.
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Also, I moved out of the country and don’t live close to them anymore so they will have to fly here to come visit. They may or may not let me know in advance, so I don’t know if I should preemptively tell them so they don’t waste their money since tickets are usually non-refundable.
First let me just say I would dislike anyone just dropping by unannounced. Unfortunately, you've allowed that to happen all of this time.
Having said that, would they really fly out to another country and just show up at your door? That seems a bit much even for the most obnoxious and inconsiderate of persons.
I don't think you need to do anything given the distance.
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Partner? As in he is an open ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ?
No, a woman.
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My uncle and his girlfriend came to visit his son. My cousin put my uncle in the bedroom with his grandsons and the girlfriend was in the guest bedroom. Nothing was said out loud but the implementation was clear. My uncle was fine with it.
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Could they stay in a hotel/airbnb?
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Could they stay in a hotel/airbnb?
That’s not really the issue because they would do that anyway. The issue is telling them they can’t both come into the house.
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That’s not really the issue because they would do that anyway. The issue is telling them they can’t both come into the house.
These situations are very difficult. Have you talked to a priest to see what they have to say?
I guess I don't understand why they can't both come into the house at the same time. If two people came over and you said this is so and so and this is their friend so and so, then they would get the hint that the relationship should not be discussed. Why would they discuss the intimate details of their relationship to a child?
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Are we as Catholics supposed to cut off any relations with a neighbor, family member, etc due to our conversion to the one true Faith? I've got friends that I associate with that are not Catholic but at the same time we don't engage in anything improper, i.e. movie watching, bad bars/restaurants, etc. Should they decide to do something like that, I simply bow out of it. But if the getting together is because we've been long time friends and it's for dinner and friendly get-togethers, is telling them "no, I can't do that because you're not a traditional Catholic and until you become one, we can no longer associate with each other!" Jeez, our Lord ate with sinners all the time. I do limit my times with them but I most certainly will not disown them, they may need my temporal/spiritual help one day and I want them to count on my support.
If the situation is for the children, important to make sure the Catholic children are made aware of right and wrong things to do/not to do and if they're fairly young, then some sort of supervision would be needed.
Just my 2-cents...
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...Accidentally posted as anonymous...
Are we as Catholics supposed to cut off any relations with a neighbor, family member, etc due to our conversion to the one true Faith? I've got friends that I associate with that are not Catholic but at the same time we don't engage in anything improper, i.e. movie watching, bad bars/restaurants, etc. Should they decide to do something like that, I simply bow out of it. But if the getting together is because we've been long time friends and it's for dinner and friendly get-togethers, is telling them "no, I can't do that because you're not a traditional Catholic and until you become one, we can no longer associate with each other!" Jeez, our Lord ate with sinners all the time. I do limit my times with them but I most certainly will not disown them, they may need my temporal/spiritual help one day and I want them to count on my support.
If the situation is for the children, important to make sure the Catholic children are made aware of right and wrong things to do/not to do and if they're fairly young, then some sort of supervision would be needed.
Just my 2-cents...
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Here’s a concrete case: how do you tell one of your uncles -who has no idea you converted and, years ago in a necessity before you converted, had you in his house for 10 days- that you cannot have both him and his partner (he’s not married) but only one of them at a time come and meet your child?
You should make it known that neither are welcome. Explain it if he wants an explanation.
There is a line there, but you didn't draw it.
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...Accidentally posted as anonymous...
Are we as Catholics supposed to cut off any relations with a neighbor, family member, etc due to our conversion to the one true Faith? I've got friends that I associate with that are not Catholic but at the same time we don't engage in anything improper, i.e. movie watching, bad bars/restaurants, etc. Should they decide to do something like that, I simply bow out of it. But if the getting together is because we've been long time friends and it's for dinner and friendly get-togethers, is telling them "no, I can't do that because you're not a traditional Catholic and until you become one, we can no longer associate with each other!" Jeez, our Lord ate with sinners all the time. I do limit my times with them but I most certainly will not disown them, they may need my temporal/spiritual help one day and I want them to count on my support.
If the situation is for the children, important to make sure the Catholic children are made aware of right and wrong things to do/not to do and if they're fairly young, then some sort of supervision would be needed.
Just my 2-cents...
This is completely different than the OP whose family and friends "lead bad lives and are occasions of sin."
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OP, trust your instincts, have an adult conversation that sets boundaries from now on.
None of this stupidity about just ignoring them.
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"lead bad lives and are occasions of sin."
If they are "occasions of sin" for you, then this is your problem.
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If they are "occasions of sin" for you, then this is your problem.
If reprobate family isn't an occasion of sin to you and your children then that's your problem.
Catholics are called to avoid heretics.
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this is an on going issue for many in different ways. Number one, you give example. Example, we don't shack up in our home, find a hotel. Our please don't come, your example is effecting the family. Since when do we feel we might need to say nothing. Get your backbone and just put it on the table. In this house, we serve God. Your ways of drugs and sɛҳuąƖ pervergen is not wanted.
We are not going to feel like we are hurting feelings. Those who test you, need to be told up front, it is you who is against God, and we will not compromise, and will show you the door.
Some of these perverts, the Sodom and Gomorha group have fun tricking you and testing you and getting their laughs. Make sure you show them the door, it is your home! Even if they are family, same thing, show them the door.
If you ever feel that you wish you would have said this or that, you know you need to do it and once you do, you can rest easy!!
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songbird
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I have had to deal with this for over a decade, since our conversion. When my father remarried (parents are divorced ) he sent a letter to my children signed by him and his new wife. I had already agreed with my sister that we would not congratulate him but she went ahead and congratulated him anyway, so I was really on my own with this one.
I wrote back to let him know that his new wife had no direct relationship with our children, explained the religious angle and that while I wanted him to know his grandchildren, it was none of her concern. I also explained that I have sisters living with boyfriends and were told that they would no longer visit us as couples.
This of course went very badly and in his email reply he copied in everyone in the family and the mail started by saying what a pontificating judgemental person I was. I left the exchange there as his reply was so extreme and there was nothing let to add to my first letter.
Although I regretted the letter I wrote at the time, in retrospect I think it was the right thing to do. We have met several times and also with his wife but they have never stayed with us.
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godefroy: Good for you!! that is the exact way to handle the situations. Just tell it like it is. I had to do that with my mom. She was a widow and married a divorce no religion man. I congratulated them, and then I told my mom I was very wrong to say that. She was wrong by marrying out of the church by minister besides, the divorce man and such. To make it worse, my brother and his gal married with them outside the catholic church. What a mess of sins of excommunication etc. My siblings, 8 others, did not like my attitude. Oh, Well, it is what it is!! I never backed down. My Aunt, Unitarian was very bad influence on the whole family in the 60'$$ for others. I never answered her, for I knew she was getting me alone and I did not see her as respecting me at all. I will never forget. She was very open to our family and gave barbecues and all, but I knew what she was up to. I can say she really did a number on our family. The others may not of noticed it, but I did.
I can say that there is not anyone/sibling in my family who is traditional. They don't know what that is. 4 had divorces, others don't go to new order just home with nothing. One sister prays the rosary, another told me she would not force her children to go catholic. A real mess.
You stick to your guns!
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Some people here need to watch this video:
https://youtu.be/rhDktXDYfOc?si=DKxHKDcdvHOEzBoY
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Is “partner” now understood to be another person of the same sex? Because I thought it still meant just whatever person someone is with.
Kind of like how “girlfriend” can still mean just a good female friend and have nothing at all to do with being a lesbian.
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Relatives are going to want to visit you and your child. You need to have some adult conversations and explain to your family the conditions for them to be in your new/faith-based life. Your motivation in all of this is charity. Your motivation is their understanding of your new life and, by your humility in explaining it, then hopefully they might convert sometime in the future.
Writing people off, with no warning, is not charitable, or humble, or mature. The Faith is not spread by isolation. If you explain your new faith in a humble way, you might be surprised at the changes people make to be agreeable to your Christian lifestyle.
It won't be easy but you have to try. Then, if you get negative or aggressive feedback, you can cut them off. And it won't be your fault, it will be theirs.
I agree with this advice
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First let me just say I would dislike anyone just dropping by unannounced. Unfortunately, you've allowed that to happen all of this time.
I would say this is a very american way of thinking and living, but if you are from another country people stopping by unannounced is normal
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That’s not really the issue because they would do that anyway. The issue is telling them they can’t both come into the house.
https://www.traditioninaction.org/religious/k018rpApostatesAdulterers.html