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Author Topic: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment  (Read 7746 times)

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Offline Matthew

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Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
« Reply #30 on: December 16, 2023, 08:34:06 AM »
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    • FYI, while I encourage all Catholics especially on CathInfo to be charitable, that doesn't mean being limp-wristed or politically correct. Or being afraid to speak the truth for fear of "offending" somebody.

    Yes-men are NOT your best friends, and they give you no real help. They are like compromised preachers who preach what the people want to hear -- how great they are -- but do nothing to wake them up, challenge them, or help them improve their spiritual lives.

    We don't have to be snowflakes.

    In fact, I would go so far as to say that CathInfo should be a snowflake-free zone.

    And I would encourage all members to develop a decent skin -- a thick skin, even -- and certainly thicker than 1 cell thickness. If you can see through it, it's not thick enough.
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #31 on: December 16, 2023, 08:45:55 AM »
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    • Quote from: Matthew on December 16, 2023, 08:30:36 AM
    In defense of the two individuals who posted "mean" posts, I was thinking some of those same thoughts myself AS I READ THE THREAD, IN ORDER.

    VERY LITTLE INFORMATION WAS POSTED ORIGINALLY. We don't know this guy or his son. It could easily be one of those situations where the parents have all the ambition/maturity and the children (even over 30) are rather immature. That is a thing now. How are we supposed to automatically know that isn't the case?

    Since this was posted anonymously, we don't even know who the mature one (parent) is in this situation. We knew almost nothing about the situation.

    And no, you're not going to get "doxxed" by posting your specific trade. Give me a break! That was a bit paranoid, you gotta admit.

    Allow me to demonstrate the absurdity:

    "Did you say plumber? This is John, isn't it! John Snow from Kansas City, MO! You just screwed up, buddy. You'll be out of the SSPX chapel by next week, Mr. Unemployed Bum's father. We completely hate you now for some reason (being unemployed?) and we'll make sure you never work in this town again. C-ya!"

    But seriously though, thank you for filling in many of the details.
    I am the mother.  My husband died years ago.  I'm using a cellphone to post so I have left out details because it's hard to post a long message on a small screen.  I kept this anonymous because people on this forum know me IRL and I have a family member who is clergy.  I don't want our family issues to be in the public domain and I don't want people confronting the clergy member with this information.  You would be surprised how small the trad gossip grapevine is and it can span continents.  I speak from experience.

    My son is only 21 and I thought I had indicated that.  There's other details that I just don't want to go into because I don't have the desire.  My questions were answered and my son is taking care of his business on his own.  

    Thanks for all the comments.  I appreciate it.
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    Offline Soubirous

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #32 on: December 16, 2023, 09:17:24 AM »
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    • Re Matthew's replies #29 & 30, 100% agreed, but those too could be prompts to ask ourselves what it is we're really seeking when we post these pleas for help.

    If we need clear and fitting assistance, then discern first what it is that we're asking of our fellow CI members, not just the actual advice but also the time and attention to formulate a useful response. Same as visiting a doctor and being vague about the symptoms, it's hard for other folks to home in on the actual topic. A doctor at least could do a quick once-over in person, but all that the readers here have are the words on a screen. Then the risk is that the gaps in the information provided by the OP get filled in by the repliers with assumptions (even if unintentionally), and the conversation spins off into distracting tangents.

    If we haven't been able to sort through the prerequisites for the above, and we're just able to recognize at the moment that we need some help of a Higher sort, then there's nothing wrong with humbly and un-anonymously asking for prayers for an unspecific personal intention. Nothing snowflakey about that! And then the prayers could help us to understand what it is specifically that we need to ask as practical advice.

    PS - posting this a moment after the OP's latest clarification. Oh, I do hear you, just directing the above at the rest of us in general.
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    Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you, all things pass away: God never changes. Patience obtains all things. He who has God finds he lacks nothing; God alone suffices. - St. Teresa of Jesus

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #33 on: December 16, 2023, 03:27:19 PM »
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    • Quote from: Änσnymσus on December 12, 2023, 09:22:44 AM
    He needs to grow up.  Put away childish ways. 

    He should apply for the jobs in the trade he is qualified for. 

    There are plenty of jobs looking to hire anyone with good work ethics and little experience. 

    He might have to move to get a job.
    Ok.  The objection to this was that "he needs to put away his childish ways."  This infers that he was being lazy and difficult.  We didn't have enough information to know that.  Maybe asking a question to get clarification would have been a better choice?  You know what happens when people make assumptions.
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #34 on: December 16, 2023, 03:29:42 PM »
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    • Quote from: Änσnymσus on December 12, 2023, 09:34:35 AM
    Maybe he doesn’t want to work.  Why work when parents or parent spoil him?
    Again an assumption is made before we knew anything.  The parent is obviously posting, so you just accused the parents of spoiling the son.
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #35 on: December 16, 2023, 05:03:26 PM »
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    • Quote from: Matthew on December 16, 2023, 08:34:06 AM
    FYI, while I encourage all Catholics especially on CathInfo to be charitable, that doesn't mean being limp-wristed or politically correct. Or being afraid to speak the truth for fear of "offending" somebody.

    Yes-men are NOT your best friends, and they give you no real help. They are like compromised preachers who preach what the people want to hear -- how great they are -- but do nothing to wake them up, challenge them, or help them improve their spiritual lives.

    We don't have to be snowflakes.

    In fact, I would go so far as to say that CathInfo should be a snowflake-free zone.

    And I would encourage all members to develop a decent skin -- a thick skin, even -- and certainly thicker than 1 cell thickness. If you can see through it, it's not thick enough.
    Why can't some of the long-term posters be downvoted? 
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    Offline EWPJ

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #36 on: December 16, 2023, 09:42:21 PM »
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    • Quote from: Änσnymσus on December 16, 2023, 05:03:26 PM
    Why can't some of the long-term posters be downvoted?

    It's some algorithm that Matthew (forum owner) made due to some abuses of the "rep" system.  Some people would just down thumb people because they didn't like them no matter what they said and it created false impressions and was just kind of a silly/immature thing for people to do.

    Personally I think the whole thing should just be done away with (either the algorithm or the entire rep system) so people can speak up when they have a problem with someone or something instead but it's Matthew's system and it does have a purpose I suppose. 
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #37 on: December 17, 2023, 06:01:21 AM »
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    • Quote from: Änσnymσus on December 16, 2023, 03:29:42 PM
    Again an assumption is made before we knew anything.  The parent is obviously posting, so you just accused the parents of spoiling the son.
    You over look the word “maybe”.  
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #38 on: December 17, 2023, 06:02:45 AM »
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #39 on: December 17, 2023, 06:33:10 AM »
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    • That was a great point -- when there are HOLES in the provided information, people are GOING to assume, whether they want to or not.

    Even choosing "not to assume" is assuming the default or most common situation. You might be charitable and ASSUME THE BEST for every "information hole".

    Blaming people for this, as if they should somehow just "know the truth" magically, is ridiculous.
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    Offline Everlast22

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #40 on: December 17, 2023, 06:37:07 AM »
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    • Quote from: Matthew on December 17, 2023, 06:33:10 AM
    That was a great point -- when there are HOLES in the provided information, people are GOING to assume, whether they want to or not.

    Even choosing "not to assume" is assuming the default or most common situation. You might be charitable and ASSUME THE BEST for every "information hole".

    Blaming people for this, as if they should somehow just "know the truth" magically, is ridiculous.
    That's what I noticed. All I really got from OP's post was: son, 21 years old, 3 weeks and fired..  And struggling to maintain employment to me means that there is a "pattern" of not maintaining employment. If it's his first career, vocational job, it's not as big of a deal, however 3 weeks is a super short amount of time. my 2 cents.
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #41 on: December 17, 2023, 10:18:23 AM »
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    • Quote from: EWPJ on December 16, 2023, 09:42:21 PM
    It's some algorithm that Matthew (forum owner) made due to some abuses of the "rep" system.  Some people would just down thumb people because they didn't like them no matter what they said and it created false impressions and was just kind of a silly/immature thing for people to do.

    Personally I think the whole thing should just be done away with (either the algorithm or the entire rep system) so people can speak up when they have a problem with someone or something instead but it's Matthew's system and it does have a purpose I suppose.
    Doesn't that go against having "thick skin"?
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    Offline moneil

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #42 on: December 17, 2023, 10:37:18 AM »
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    • Quote
    That was a great point -- when there are HOLES in the provided information, people are GOING to assume, whether they want to or not.
    Speak for yourself.  Not everyone does this.  Rational people make necessary decisions and determinations based on the available information, the world of actual reality, while realizing that they may not have all the information, or that there may be nuance they are unaware of.  When a rational person does not have the complete picture, and the question is one they have a legitimate interest in understanding, they would seek to gather additional factual (verified) information from reliable sources.  They would also usually "keep one's own counsel" until they had the "actual facts", otherwise they risk committing a calumny.

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    Blaming people for this, as if they should somehow just "know the truth" magically, is ridiculous.
    I respectfully disagree.  While one usually doesn't "magically know the truth" the poster(s) in replies #1 and #2 made zero effort to understand the facts, they just went into an emotional attack mode and slandered the young man referenced in the OP.  These posts deserve to be called out. Based on the writing style and past posts I have a hunch who the writer (she) might be, but I don't know so it is only appropriate for me to not shout out my hunch and risk calumniating someone without solid facts.

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    All I really got from OP's post was: son, 21 years old, 3 weeks and fired..  And struggling to maintain employment to me means that there is a "pattern" of not maintaining employment.
    No where in the OP will one find the phrase "struggling to maintain employment", so how someone came to that conclusion is a huge mystery.  Three weeks is an unusually short employment term, but then so is one year in most cases, and the OP did include a very plausible explanation.  I once got let go after a week, perhaps the poster of Reply #40 can put on his "magic glasses" and tell everyone what's wrong with me?

    What I "got" from the OP was that her son had taken the initiative to train and become certified in a trade but was having difficulty finding a position in the field because of a lack of experience.  She asked for advice on how he might gain experience.  Several gave informed and thoughtful replies based on actual knowledge and life experience.  We managed to reply without jumping to unfounded conclusions and wild speculations.

    I am thankful that the OP's son has found new opportunities, I will continue to pray that all works out.
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #43 on: December 17, 2023, 11:05:17 AM »
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    • Quote from: moneil on December 17, 2023, 10:37:18 AM
    No where in the OP will one find the phrase "struggling to maintain employment", so how someone came to that conclusion is a huge mystery.

    Um... it was the title of the thread, which you even maintained when you posted (you didn't change the title)

    "Son Struggling to Maintain Employment"

    That sure gives the impression the son has had difficulties staying employed. That would be a JUST "assumption" not a wild or uncharitable one.

    I would *rightly* assume there was more than N=1 cases the son was dealing with, regarding employment.

    Getting fired once does not equal "a struggle", a pattern, or a tendency.
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    Re: Son Struggling to Maintain Employment
    « Reply #44 on: May 16, 2024, 02:50:41 PM »
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    • OP here:  Son started a home repair/lawn maintenance business for REO real estate.  He's very busy and much happier working for himself.
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