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Author Topic: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money  (Read 2920 times)

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Änσnymσus

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Re: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2019, 08:47:49 AM »
Quote from: Anonymous on August 14, 2019, 02:51:34 PM
Don't understand this sentence.  Does he live somewhere else other than the farm?
OP here. Yes, like the other anon. said, the farm is big and it’s best to go around in a vehicle. The farm is very close to where the houses are.

The farm also has a lot of slopes and high grass in some places, so it’s not like those huge flat fields where you can go in a car. 
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Offline 2Vermont

Re: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2019, 08:56:50 AM »
Quote from: Anonymous on August 14, 2019, 01:46:38 PM
My parents are already retired but they never have money. What they get from their pensions is enough for them to live relatively comfortably and even save some money each month. My brothers and I ran the numbers.

My dad lost his job in 2007 and ever since he's tried to make his farm work, but it has never provided a positive ROI. What he's been doing since then is selling his assets one by one. He's sold almost all the farm already. He also sold the 2 jeeps with which he would go in the farm, so now he can't even go in it like before. Even after selling almost all his assets, he's still in debt and never has money, because he keeps doing the same thing over and over again.

I believe he retired in 2017. What my mom gets from her pension is barely anything, so it's mainly my dad's that matters.

I told him years ago to stop wasting his money and just either sell off the entire farm in one go, or look for a partner, or rent it, but he's never listened. He insists on doing everything himself.

My parents never have money to fix anything in the house, give anyone presents, or now, pay the bills. I blame them both because they have never made a budget or basic money management. They spend on superfluous things like cable and other nonsense. My mother is deeply resented with him but I also blame her for not being firm enough with him all these years.

My brothers and I all started helping them out last month. However, now I feel that we will just be enabling my dad to perpetuate this self-destructive cycle he's been on because he will feel he can spend more money since we will be helping them out.

I know you should help those in need, and especially your parents and family more than anyone, but the thing is that they actually have enough money to live comfortably and even save but they just don't manage it well at all. They refuse to make any changes, and want to keep doing the same things. Now it's affecting us because we're also sort of tight at the moment.

I hate to say it but helping them seems like giving money to drug addicts. They won't do anything with it and will remain in the same place because they won't change.

I've been telling my brothers we seriously need to speak with my dad and tell him to cut the BS once and for all and get rid of the farm.
The bolded statements confuse me.  Do they have enough money or not?  In one breath it sounds like they do, but in another it sounds like they don't.

I can relate to your situation to some degree as my husband and I had to pay off the mortgage on my in-laws home/buy the house because they didn't have enough money to live in it if they had to pay a mortgage on top of their living expenses.  

Would you be able to do the same with your father's farm? Can you buy what's left of it?  Then you would have complete control over how to manage it.
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Änσnymσus

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Re: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2019, 09:31:02 AM »
Quote from: Anonymous on August 14, 2019, 03:09:01 PM
If you know all the numbers of their monthly budget and what the farm is worth, maybe you can convince him that he needs to “downsize” and sell part of the farm?  He could keep the part he likes, and still work on it.  Selling part of it would 1) reduce property taxes, 2) give them some cash to save, 3) give them $ for repairs.
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Hard to give a good answer without knowing more details but you can have a nice homestead with 5-10 acres.  Sometimes even 2-3.  It’s better to have a nice, working small farm than a large mess.  
We've been telling him for years to leave it but he just doesn't listen.

He's sold almost all of it by now. He's basically been using the money he gets from selling chunks here and there to live, but he never has anything left because he still spends on the farm.

The thing is that he can't work on a small part of it by himself because he doesn't have the necessary tools and equipment. Doing it all by hand is dangerous, he's already 60 something and can't be lifting and moving things. Now he doesn't even have jeeps, as I said. And the country they live in is not like the USA where no one will come and steal.

If he keeps it up, he will end up selling 100% of it but will still be in debt and no money.
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Änσnymσus

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Re: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2019, 09:38:47 AM »
Quote from: 2Vermont on August 15, 2019, 08:56:50 AM
The bolded statements confuse me.  Do they have enough money or not?  In one breath it sounds like they do, but in another it sounds like they don't.

I can relate to your situation to some degree as my husband and I had to pay off the mortgage on my in-laws home/buy the house because they didn't have enough money to live in it if they had to pay a mortgage on top of their living expenses.  

Would you be able to do the same with your father's farm? Can you buy what's left of it?  Then you would have complete control over how to manage it.
Yes, they get enough money to live and save each month, but my dad spends it all on the farm and paying workers, so they never really "have" anything.

If he stopped spending on the farm and other things NOW, he would have enough each month, but he never stops.

Like I said, they have never done budgeting or tried to cut costs. They don't keep track of anything so they have no idea how much money goes where.

They don't pay any rent. They've always owned the house they live in.

No, none of us can buy the farm from him, and he would probably not agree to it anyway.
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Änσnymσus

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Re: Should you help your parents financially if they're just bad with money
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2019, 09:46:56 AM »
I've found that as people, especially men, age, they can get very set in their ways and stubborn.  My father insisted on attempting to undertake things in his late 80s that he shouldn't have been doing anymore ... just because that was what he did.  He developed behavior patterns that it was impossible to shake him out of.

Now, your primary responsibility is to take care of your own family financially, and you have an obligation to take care of your parents ... in terms of the essentials.  So, if it gets to the point that your parents can't afford food, medicine, clothing, or other essentials, then you need to try stepping in.  If he won't be persuaded from selling off pieces of the farm to maintain his lifestyle, then there's nothing more you can do.  I feel that you would be doing wrong to your family to give your parents money so that they can "buy presents" and the like.  Buying food and other essentials would be a different story.  So I personally feel that you should NOT give them anything.  You'd be taking away from what you are obligated to give to your own immediate family in order to give your parents something that you are not obligated to give ... extra spending money.
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