I think I may be doing too much for a layperson.
Between morning/evening prayers, 3x rosary, daily spiritual reading, a few other small prayers and the Divine Office I am starting to feel very wearied. I think the Divine Office might be the biggest thing for me the cut out (not the first cut i've made), though I have only been saying it for over a year now, at first I was very fervent in my prayer life but was the years have gone by I have become much more lukewarm to the point that my prayers feel like a chore that I 'have to do' (and I do make sure I do them). I am also noticeably more distracted in prayer than when I started, even meditating on the mysteries of the rosary feel impossible, I can only think upon the same events so many times before it became dull and without new insights, and also between meditating and saying the Hail Marys it is difficult to focus on both.
I just feel so tired.
I feel your pain! I know exactly what you are speaking about.
I've prayed the Divine Office for 30 years. There have been times when it became so burdensome to me that I had to put it down and stop praying it for a while, in order to give myself a break. At those times, I found I was hungry for variety in my spiritual life. I wanted to do more study of the Faith, and do more spiritual reading. When that need arose, I looked to it. Ultimately, however, the Divine Office always called me back; and I always went back. I always go back to it, because the original reasons for praying it remain. Indeed, they strengthen themselves, as things get worse and worse and worse in the world. The power of the Divine Office over the Heart and Will of God will never weaken, no matter how much I weaken, no matter how much my flesh revolts against its yoke.
Consider that both the Rosary and the Divine Office are vocal prayer. They do not nourish the soul the same way mental prayer does. I have been told by my confessor that too much vocal prayer will always lead to spiritual fatigue.
Clearly, by your post, you are suffering from some kind of fatigue. Also, from some of your other recent posts, I discern that your life is changing in some way, from the inside out. It seems you are changing in your interior, beginning from the inside to contemplate another kind of life - namely marriage. This is all very good.
It seems to me that you should listen to your alarm bells, and to your current state of depletion. Take a break from the Breviary, just to give your mind and spirit some refreshment.
I will give you some advice now about the Rosary, which has enriched it for me, and has saved me from fatigue where it is concerned. I had to admit long ago that I am incapable of meditating on the Mysteries of the Rosary. I simply cannot, and that's final. Like you say, the mind wanders, and the mind also feels exhausted having to go over the same lines of thought day in and day out.
Long time ago, I began to combine spiritual reading or listening to spiritual books/conferences with my Rosary. I read a little, and while thinking about what I read, I pray some beads. I go back and forth. It's very nourishing. I'm getting the spiritual reading and the Rosary in together. The combination does wonders for both.
On days when I am strapped for time, I will omit this practice and just say the Rosary by rote. I do not feel guilty about this at all. My intention in fidelity to the Rosary is to love and honor our Lady and obey Her requests. I would much rather pray 15 Decades rotely, than not get the 15 Decades in because I was unable to meditate them properly.
If you are praying the Rosary and the Divine Office, and are combining spiritual reading and meditation/mental prayer with the Rosary, by all means you are doing enough. I would cut out all other vocal prayer. Have a general intention in your mind for all that you do, and leave it at that.
As far as praying the Office after marriage, or if you have a demanding career, all I can say is that the career never impeded me, but marriage and children certainly would have. I imagine that one's prayer life must change somewhat after marriage, especially because you would want to cultivate a spirit of prayer and a system of communal prayer in the home. Yes, you do not forego spiritual reading and mental prayer in solitude - even if you just grab what you can when you can - but I think that a family praying together means a lot more than 15 minutes each day to check off 5 Decades. It means Catholic culture and civilization pervading the entire system of familial intercourse, which demands involvement that would make the
whole Divine Office
every day very difficult.
Priests and those under an obligation to pray the Divine Office - by Orders or by Monastic Rule - get graces to remain faithful to it. They also have the ability to organize their lives around it. Nevertheless, I'm sure that they also have to struggle to remain faithful to it. Our priests are crazy busy. Many have to teach in schools. They travel. They are put upon by excessive demands. And I'm sure they suffer spiritual fatigue from days and years saying the same Offices over and over and over. And yet they persevere. I'm sure over time their spirits sweeten and they find the burden very light, but it's impossible for me to imagine that they do not have to go through serious struggles when the first fervor wears off.
I do believe that anyone who asks for the grace to persevere in a spiritual work will get that grace, if God wills the work. Yet, how can it not be that the resolve will be tried, and often seriously? I will tell you that I now have all the time in the world to pray the Breviary every day. I am retired, and live alone. I make my own schedule. I have no demands on me that preclude it. And yet, my dear!!!!!! I have never found it so difficult as now to pray it! It often feels like a horrible burden that I just want to throw off - and I do throw it off! There are days when I throw it off, and am able to do no more that spit out 15 Decades by rote. Surely, it has to be the old man, the flesh, and the devil behind such repugnance in my case.
I tell you this because I want to make it clear to you that your flesh hates the Breviary; and the more you pray it, the more it hates it. Your flesh will never grow to like it, or to enjoy it, or to look forward to it. The devil hates the Breviary also, especially when the praise of God has pretty much gone out all over the world now. He will collude with your flesh to make it as miserable and unpleasant as possible. Believe me.
Is the Divine Office a Cross? Yes!
Remember your first fervor!!! Remember the reasons you picked up the banner a year ago. No matter what it is in the spiritual life, the first fervor will wear off, and a trial will replace it - a trial of perseverance when the pleasure recedes.
Thus I suggest to you this measure: Do your original reasons still hold? Certainly your life has not materially changed. It has only begun to change interiorly, by way of anticipation. If the reasons still hold, then take a break to refresh yourself, and decide whether or not you want to continue. If you do, I promise you that it will continue to feel like a burden going forward - because it is a burden.
"Take My yoke upon you, for My yoke is easy and My burden light ... If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."You are contemplating marriage these days. Let your experience with the Divine Office be for you a prophet and a guide. Marriage will begin with a first fervor, and then you and your spouse will be tested like there's no tomorrow. There will be days in your commitment to her that are fulfilled by the merest and most rote adherence to your material obligations. Marriage and family life will be very fatiguing at times, and as the years role along, as children are born, as life claws and wears away your very nerves, you will be called upon more and more to endure and persevere without as much consolation and even, dare I say it, affective engagement. Yes, deep love will grow. Yes, your affections for wife and children will put down immovable roots. But your flesh and complacency will, perhaps, never again be unpricked by duty. This is the daily Cross.
Thus, as with any operational system that has to last until death, review your prayer life. Cut out what is superfluous. Combine what may be combined for better effect. Persevere in objectively good things that don't feel good any more, as long as boredom or fatigue are the only reasons for letting them go.
Topic: Reducing prayer life? (Read 13549 times)