I'm actually going crazy. I told my wife I realized the only thing between me and killing myself was God and my love for His commandments and that I am worried my bond with God is weakening. To be clear I don't want to be an atheist with nothing to lose, I think I love God and want Him. I then got caught in a feedback loop thinking that stating this was a mortal sin. I also realized, in this moment, that this continuous feedback loop between me stating a fact about something sinful or describing reality is the cause of almost all of my sins lately.

The bad thing is twofold causing these behavioral loops, as of late I'm unable to have mental prayer and I always feel like I can't pray when I'm tempted to be angry, impatient or despair. This makes me conclude I'm actually losing faith. Recently, and I'm not sure how, my spiritual director will no longer advise me on anything unless it directly has to do with the confessional. I'm not sure if I'm becoming difficult or annoying but I do not want to stretch any traditional priest too thin and I am not entitled to his time whatsoever.

I need prayers but advice too. It would seem I need a new spiritual director, a focus on mental prayer, and somehow working on the virtue of patience. I realize that these problems are all rooted in patience but the even deeper problem than that is my conscious is altogether broken. Something very dramatic has happened in my mind this last month that has made me entirely unable to examine my own conscious accurately and almost any sin sends me into a panic of doom. I know my wife is trying to help me and she is absolutely wonderful but this really isn't her burden to bear.

Any advice would be very appreciated. God bless you all.

Sounds like a demonic obsession. Do your best to control your thoughts. Confess the temptation (along with actual sins). Try to get to the root of the problem, it might take a while. In the mean time: Litany of the Precious Blood. Litany of Humility. St Benedict Crucifix over the bed. Sign of the cross with Holy Water. I'd even drink some too if I was you. St Joseph Prayer (the big one). And St Joseph Terror of Demons, pray for us.

Forgot to add, I’d do those vocally if you agree it’s the devil. That will slap him better. Expect to get slapped back too at first.

You need to be doing mental prayer too - 15 minutes a day (at least the Rosary)

I'm sure that you are trying to help, and please excuse my bluntness, but advising someone who is obviously overwrought and prone to scrupulosity to go toe to toe with the devil is extremely dangerous and just plain stupid.

My 2 cents, for what they're worth:

I have been in your exact boat.  It is not a good place to be.  

It IS your wife's job to help you, as two became one.  My spouse didn't help me and it was VERY difficult for me to tie a knot in the rope and hang on all alone.  

Most priests don't have time for such a person, nor are they trained properly in how to handle such a person.  Can't tell you how many spiritual advisors I went through before I decided to leave them alone except in the confessional or when he asks how you are doing.

I will get slapped around here for this, but I enlisted a Christian counseling group for help.  Couldn't find a Catholic one.  Had counseling twice a week for years to slowly help me heal.  The group made healing slower than if I had a one-on-one counselor, but it was important for me to see that i was not alone, that there are others who are going through what i was.  Also, others were in a different position along the path of healing, so i could see i CAN recover. 

While healing, it became very difficult to pray any rote prayers, so I just started noticing God everywhere: in the movement of the trees, in the beautiful sunsets, in the smell of the flowers, in the feeling of a warm hug from my child, in the taste of yogurt, etc.  This is not to say I didn't pray.  When I noticed such, I always said, "thank you, God, for loving me.  You know I love you."  During the day I also thought of the Holy Family and especially St. Joseph. 

It has taken a long time, and I still go to group counseling now and then, but I am back.  I am healthy and my Faith has never been stronger.

I hope you find your path to healing.  God loves you.  That is ALL that matters.  Love him back, as best as you can right now.  He understands you are human.  

OP here I am losing my faith entirely. I sincerely want a clean tender conscious but I struggle every day so much with examining my conscious and at this point it would be abusive of the sacrament of penance to approach it. I can't tell at all where I stand with God, ever. I realize I usually assume I am guilty and this is an abuse of the sacrament, but if I don't assume I am guilty then I fear I am abusing the sacrament by being too lax. The seemingly subjective element in all of this is just eroding faith and I am too broken to be honest with God or myself in a meaningful way. No matter what I will always suspect I am not being honest with myself or go back and forth on these matters for hours. I just dont know anymore.

OP here I am losing my faith entirely. I sincerely want a clean tender conscious but I struggle every day so much with examining my conscious and at this point it would be abusive of the sacrament of penance to approach it. I can't tell at all where I stand with God, ever. I realize I usually assume I am guilty and this is an abuse of the sacrament, but if I don't assume I am guilty then I fear I am abusing the sacrament by being too lax. The seemingly subjective element in all of this is just eroding faith and I am too broken to be honest with God or myself in a meaningful way. No matter what I will always suspect I am not being honest with myself or go back and forth on these matters for hours. I just dont know anymore.

Stop obsessing about yourself.  Scruples comes from self-absorption and pride.  Make acts of love for God for His sake and not for yours.  You need to snap out of this self pity.  If you live to love and serve God (rather than to save yourself), then saving yourself takes care of itself.

Scrupulous people are arrogant.  We’ve already told you to put yourself under total obedience to your confessor.  Let him decide for you what is grave sin and what isn’t.  Your distorted opinion is irrelevant.  That’s the only remedy.  But some of the more extreme scrupulous refuse to submit their own judgment and continue to second guess their confessor.  Stop that nonsense.  Snap out of this self pity and self absorption.  You need to tell God:  “If I am lost, then glory to you.  I want to love you and serve you as well as I can anyway.”  What you need is a bucket of cold water thrown on your head to snap you out of this.

Go to confession whether you “feel like” it or not, tell the priest what’s going on, and let him decide whether to absolve you or not.  If he decides to absolve, you’re absolved ... unless you deliberately conceal mortal sin.  But in your warped state of mind, everything is mortal sin.  Tell your confessor to determine for you what’s mortal and what isn’t.

Also sounds like you could use some anti-anxiety meds.