I'm actually going crazy. I told my wife I realized the only thing between me and killing myself was God and my love for His commandments and that I am worried my bond with God is weakening. To be clear I don't want to be an atheist with nothing to lose, I think I love God and want Him. I then got caught in a feedback loop thinking that stating this was a mortal sin. I also realized, in this moment, that this continuous feedback loop between me stating a fact about something sinful or describing reality is the cause of almost all of my sins lately.
The bad thing is twofold causing these behavioral loops, as of late I'm unable to have mental prayer and I always feel like I can't pray when I'm tempted to be angry, impatient or despair. This makes me conclude I'm actually losing faith. Recently, and I'm not sure how, my spiritual director will no longer advise me on anything unless it directly has to do with the confessional. I'm not sure if I'm becoming difficult or annoying but I do not want to stretch any traditional priest too thin and I am not entitled to his time whatsoever.
I need prayers but advice too. It would seem I need a new spiritual director, a focus on mental prayer, and somehow working on the virtue of patience. I realize that these problems are all rooted in patience but the even deeper problem than that is my conscious is altogether broken. Something very dramatic has happened in my mind this last month that has made me entirely unable to examine my own conscious accurately and almost any sin sends me into a panic of doom. I know my wife is trying to help me and she is absolutely wonderful but this really isn't her burden to bear.
Any advice would be very appreciated. God bless you all.
Topic: Pray For Me Please (Read 6395 times)