Author Topic: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal  (Read 1356 times)

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Offline Miseremini

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Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
« Reply #15 on: June 25, 2019, 07:00:49 PM »
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  • Anyone who contributes money in this situation is an enabler and delays the daughter from getting the help she needs.
    "Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered: and them that hate Him flee from before His Holy Face"  Psalm 67:2[/b]


    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #16 on: July 01, 2019, 02:14:21 AM »
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  • I suggest you relocate your mother and two siblings to the SSPX set up in the Tirunelveli district of India where this behaviour is the norm


    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #17 on: July 02, 2019, 09:48:04 AM »
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  • Baby boomers are a big problem.  My parents give money to their grand children who are lazy.  They take the money to buy make up and go to trashy concerts.  My parents always are lying saying that someone got them free tickets.  Instead of 21 year driving POp Pop to eye surgery, they went to Wildwood.   Going to Jersey shore is expensive.  My parents told me everyone was working.   No more money for my parents.  They just give it to my sister and her two girls and they won’t even associate with my husband and me  because we are Catholic Trump supporters.  



    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #18 on: July 12, 2019, 01:43:02 PM »
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  • In the same boat. Daughter is 30. Bad decisions. Child out of wedlock (now taking care of child). Car accident. Severe back injury. Going for SSI. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #19 on: July 12, 2019, 02:50:28 PM »
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  • In the same boat. Daughter is 30. Bad decisions. Child out of wedlock (now taking care of child). Car accident. Severe back injury. Going for SSI. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
    My other sister (the only child besides me that moved out of the home) got married in the Church, had 4 kids, then left her husband and shacked up with a guy and had 2 more kids. That guy left her, and now she's shacked up with a third guy. She still shares custody of her 4 original children, but she is civilly divorced from her husband. This is a woman who was raised traditional Catholic. Go figure.


    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #20 on: July 12, 2019, 03:12:03 PM »
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  • This is a woman who was raised traditional Catholic. Go figure.
    1 Peter 5:8 Be sober and watch: because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour. [9] Whom resist ye, strong in faith: knowing that the same affliction befalls your brethren who are in the world.

    The same story or similar ones abound among the traditional faithful. "The world and flesh are strong and Satan spreads a thousand snares to lead them into wrong." Is not just for priests, but also especially for those families striving to keep and teach the faith to their children.

    Satan doesn't need to work at all on those he already has - so he comes with with extra fury after those trying to keep the faith, those he doesn't have yet!

    Anonymous

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #21 on: August 14, 2019, 05:18:40 PM »
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  • When I wrote to my uncle, here is what he wrote back.

    Dear Nephew,

    Your email, unfortunately, confirms nothing has changed in years.  We have been trying all different kinds of ideas to help your mother, but we meet with silence also. Did you know that we did some research and she could get an apartment in [Traditional Catholic enclave] for 30% of her income?  She would be within a mile of church and the streets are safe. Well, her number one condition is she must have BOTH of her children with her in an apartment. She wouldn't be able to do that in subsidized housing and she cannot afford regular housing. There is no way [son] will qualify to get in the low income housing here, but your mother as a senior can, and [daughter] could, too - if she was SSI disabled.  Your mother won't put [daughter] through "that" again.

    That was just the latest idea, but over the years we offered to help [son] learn to drive, offered to get him an eye exam and glasses if needed, offered to get her set up with internet telephony, offered to help her through getting senior help to fix her house (roof, siding, windows assistance was available through RHA), etc.  Each and every offer was met with dead silence.  No explanation.  Any idea we have when it hits your mother, dies.  

    Over the years I explained that  her siblings could not support another household, which is what she is asking.  She wants to keep her house and children under her wings no matter what it costs US.  I started by explaining [my brother] was downsized, then [brother #2] was downsized, then [sister] retired, and now I am also no longer in the workforce.  Where do we get the money to funnel to those who are fleecing her? Your mother has reasoned that we all made a bunch of money and had two incomes so we must have cash available. Each and every one of us has had the financial rug pulled from underneath us in our lives and we all had to adapt.  Your mother sees herself as a victim and if she just made a bunch of money (or if she receives a bunch of money) everything would be fine.  For her siblings, we all lucked out getting great jobs and she is grateful it worked out for us.  Excuse me?  I drove [many] miles each way to work for many years - not exactly a silver spoon. I got ONE raise during that time. Each one of your mother's siblings has similar stories.  [brother] had to move [6 states away] and used boxes for furniture. 

    The challenge is what you noted: you get nothing out of your mother.  How can she ask for help and then simply shut down? The bottom line is your Mom needs to look to solving problems and being open enough to discuss why it is she can't/won't take action.  We don't like seeing her in distress, but she won't lift a finger to help herself and we cannot do it for her. As a matter of fact, she did fight with social security to NOT sign her up for Medicare.  

    Your Mom mentioned in her appeal that it has been X years since your father passed.  And, she could sure use some financial help. Well, I don't think any of us have the wherewithal to give your mother the kind of cash she needs.  And why throw good money after bad?  The money flows from us through her fingers to swindlers who take her for whatever she can get from us.  She commits to getting ripped off and THEN asks for help; never asking for ideas upfront BEFORE money is committed. The first rule of rescue is to make sure that you as a rescuer are secure; you don't jump into the rushing water because you feel you want to save someone.  You have to be anchored and you don't let someone grab you.  Ditto here.  For us to toss what little cash we have and weaken our position is futile.  Your Mom needs to grab the lifeline we toss. Figuratively, she rejects the lifeline because it is the wrong color, smells bad, is dirty or it doesn't come right to her. 

    The last lifeline was suggesting she look into moving to [Traditional Catholic enclave] where she has family, the church and sacraments close, she would be out of corrupt [home state], and the streets are safe. We would help make that happen; not by giving her cash, but by doing as much legwork as we could do so she doesn't drown in the details. We would have to spend cash and time to make the move, but this lifeline drifted like everything else we tried over the years. So yes, we are all experiencing the same thing.  

    Online forlorn

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    Re: Poor Mother and Freeloading Siblings a package deal
    « Reply #22 on: August 14, 2019, 06:49:40 PM »
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  • Other than trying to convince your siblings to move out, all you can do is wait until your mother gets desperate enough that she's finally ready to be reasonable and not bite the hands that feed her.


     

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