Author Topic: Please pray for me  (Read 2179 times)

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Offline Ladislaus

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Re: Please pray for me
« Reply #60 on: September 08, 2019, 08:23:07 PM »
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  • Why do you live in the future? Is the present not enough to deal with?

    THIS^^^.  It hasn't happened yet.  Things change over time.  People change.  There's such a thing as God's grace and providence.  You sound like you're just terrified.  Where is your trust in God?  I've seen lots of changes in people and in their circumstances that have seemed almost miraculous.

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #61 on: September 09, 2019, 06:49:58 AM »
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  • Op here.

    Ladislaus, I agree with you in the majority of things you said but you don't know me, don't know the dynsmics of the relationship with my husband and don't know if I nag on him or not. You are just making asumptions.

    Of course Gods grace can do anything... but thats anothet point. A person firmly stuck in modernism and believing mothers who stay at home are lazy and dont do anything... well... only Gods grace will chsnge their minds.

    About the "dont live in the future" point I agree, but a woman wants to make future plans about home, children and a lot of things. I can't plsn anything, even about a home, and it's very hard. But that's another thing and I want to discuss it.

    The priest told me he knows my hubby suffered  a lot and that I would have to lead him to conservantism because of his modernist traits. I'm tired of triying to do anything and just receiving criticism so I will do what he wants and don't bother myself anymore.

    Hubby is OK, is calm,  so everything is fine.


    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #62 on: September 09, 2019, 06:51:42 AM »
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  • Op here.

    "And I dont want to discuss it" (the imposibility of planning anything related to having a home).

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #63 on: September 09, 2019, 07:21:37 AM »
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  • "And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy". - St. Paul

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #64 on: September 09, 2019, 07:48:40 AM »
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  • Yes... I believe Saint Paul is talking about situations like mine.... thank you very much :)


    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #65 on: September 09, 2019, 09:22:39 AM »
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  • You never should have married this man but you have to sleep in the bed you made. Do you love your husband? Pray and make sacrifices for him. Now to practical matters. I've been married for 31

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #66 on: September 09, 2019, 09:27:56 AM »
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  • You never should have married this man but you have to sleep in the bed you made. Do you love your husband? Pray and make sacrifices for him. Now to practical matters. I've been married for 31
    Op here
    Yes, I will pray and offer sacrifices.
    Of course I love him. Its out of qyestion.
    As the priest said, he has suffered a lot, but he is fine now. And that is important to me.
    I m not nagging all day, I wasnt raised to do this. I was raised to obey hubby, not to be all day giving him problems.... its not my style.
     

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #67 on: September 09, 2019, 09:37:16 AM »
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  • Stop fighting. Men will forgive a lot if they love their wife but they never get over the feeling of betrayal if they think you trapped or lied them into marriage. If you knew how he felt before the wedding then marrying him was assent to his views. Make your home a wonderful place and he MIGHT one day get the feeling that having you at home all day would be a good thing. If all you do is fight about it he will back into a corner and if his family and friends, (most especially his friends),  start telling him that you are being lazy at home and not adding anything of value to his life, then your hopes for being an at home wife and mother will be dashed for good. Ultimately you have to sleep in the bed that you made and make the best of it. 


    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #68 on: September 09, 2019, 12:55:57 PM »
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  • Op here.
    Thank you for your answer.

    We dont fight about this. There were SOME soft disagreements but not properly fights. I wasnt raised to fight hubby and hubby doesnt want to fight.

    If I have to describe the situation: both of us now our disagreements but no one is going to fight with the other.

    I really care about hubby and he is the one in charge.

    That doesnt mean I cannot be worried, or talk to Father X, or talk about this in this anonymous subforum. But we are not fighting all the time.

    It was good to hear advice from good traditional catholics at this forum because I cannot talk about this with other people face to face about it,except with a priest.

    Ps. I never lied to hubby. I always told him about my views. Father X believes its a matter of time.

    Offline Conspiracy_Factist

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #69 on: September 10, 2019, 07:38:35 PM »
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  • OP here

    Thank you so much for your replies.

    Well...

    1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
    2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style.
    3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
    4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
    5. He despise being a home maker.
    6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
    7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its anonymous.
    8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
    9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
    10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
    11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do...
    12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

    I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.
    you can't obey his decisions if they go against the catholic faith, how about you take the approach that when you actually do have kids you simply stay home and take care of them, have your priest tell him the wife's duty is to stay home with the kids, maybe look into  doing  some on line business at home

    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #70 on: September 10, 2019, 10:51:47 PM »
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  • About the "dont live in the future" point I agree, but a woman wants to make future plans about home, children and a lot of things. I can't plsn anything, even about a home, and it's very hard. But that's another thing and I  don't want to discuss it.

    But you are still living in the future. The future is not. Only the present is.

    Can you not embrace the present. You are wearing yourself out with nothing substantial. You have a work life and a home life, but it seems that is not enough for you. What about filling your time caring for someone else to take your mind off worrying about your husband faults?  Some volunteer or charity work?


    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #71 on: September 11, 2019, 02:09:43 PM »
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  • you can't obey his decisions if they go against the catholic faith, how about you take the approach that when you actually do have kids you simply stay home and take care of them, have your priest tell him the wife's duty is to stay home with the kids, maybe look into  doing  some on line business at home
    Op here.
    Well its difficult for me to know whats the right thing to do because even among trads there are different opinions (I see the advice and there are similar opinions but very different also).
    Anyway, Im not worried now.
    Im more calm because I talked to Father X and he is going to giving us counseling. Father says all things related to children and family are important NOW and not to be kicked out to years after. Both of us are willing to do what he says... so we are fine.
    I answered to him if I should delay this to tomorrow and he said no. He said "You dont have to worry but to occupy" and that I should receive counseling and both of us have to use this time without children to focus in our home.
    Hubby has good will and he respects Father's opinions. That doesnt mean he will do all he says but he will think about it and that's VERY GOOD  :)
    He even has recognized mothers working full time its not good. 
    I was very depressed before. It was good to receive advice here and talking to Father X (our priest).
    Ps. Its very difficult to live in this time and age without talking to a priest or having trad friends constantly. If you have them, problems doesnt seem so bad.

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #72 on: September 11, 2019, 09:29:30 PM »
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  • Op here.
    Well its difficult for me to know whats the right thing to do because even among trads there are different opinions (I see the advice and there are similar opinions but very different also).
    Anyway, Im not worried now.
    Im more calm because I talked to Father X and he is going to giving us counseling. Father says all things related to children and family are important NOW and not to be kicked out to years after. Both of us are willing to do what he says... so we are fine.
    I answered to him if I should delay this to tomorrow and he said no. He said "You dont have to worry but to occupy" and that I should receive counseling and both of us have to use this time without children to focus in our home.
    Hubby has good will and he respects Father's opinions. That doesnt mean he will do all he says but he will think about it and that's VERY GOOD  :)
    He even has recognized mothers working full time its not good.
    I was very depressed before. It was good to receive advice here and talking to Father X (our priest).
    Ps. Its very difficult to live in this time and age without talking to a priest or having trad friends constantly. If you have them, problems doesnt seem so bad.
    lucky you, I have no trad friends and a wife who doesn't want anymore kids after having 3, you have to stick to your guns

    Anonymous

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #73 on: September 12, 2019, 06:25:02 AM »
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  • lucky you, I have no trad friends and a wife who doesn't want anymore kids after having 3, you have to stick to your guns
    Op here
    Is your wife traditional? Maybe she could receive counseling by a good trad priest.

    About good trad friends: I believe it makes a big difference. Dont you have an sspx chapel near your home? I believe the environment can improve catholicism in marriages.

     

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