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Traditional Catholic Faith => Anσnymσus Posts Allowed => Topic started by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 04:58:54 PM

Title: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 04:58:54 PM
Im a newlywed.

I love my hubby very much but I feel very depressed. He's catholic and even attends LM but he has some modern views...

He thinks women should work outside home and I do not. I work outside... i dont have another option.

Hubby's mother always worked outside home. His parent agreed to this. My hubby had very little attachment to his parents because of this. 

We go to LM all sundays and we were validly married by a trad priest. A lot of our friends have traditional views (some go to SSPX). 

Im very scared.

He is against homeschooling. Im terrified of having kids....

I understand men who are married to a not "too catholic woman" but Im in the same case, married to a good and caring husband but very troubled because of his past....

Of course divorce is not a solution. 

We had some fights because of this... and I said to him that he has to respect my views. That I respect his views... (women outside home) but he has to respect my view, who has 4000+ years .... and his view only 40 ???? 

I know its hard for him. Recognizing women should remain at home= recognizing his mother had other priorities. Not her children. Mi FIL was also responsible: he encouraged it b/c he didnt want to have money or properties in common with her.

Its very sad. Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.

Please pray for us to do what is God's will.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 05:03:39 PM
Im a newlywed.

...

Im very scared.

...

Of course divorce is not a solution.

...

Its very sad. Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.


If I may ask, did you not have any of these conversations prior to marriage?  I mean, if you're a newlywed, why is this just now coming up?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 05:12:51 PM
I asked to 2 priests.
One advised me not to marry.
The other told me to do so.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 05:18:05 PM
OP here.
I just ask for prayers if you can and Im sorry if I sound too stupid. 
I know that we made mistakes (about not having conversations before).... I know. 

Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Vintagewife3 on August 27, 2019, 08:24:30 PM
Prayers 🙂 remain a good dutiful wife, and you’ll soften his heart towards it in time. Pray for him often, and offer masses for your marriage. Yes, these things should have been dealt with before, but it’s to late now to worry about. Focus on the future, his good qualities, and your marriage promise to God.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 09:39:45 PM
Prayers 🙂 remain a good dutiful wife, and you’ll soften his heart towards it in time. Pray for him often, and offer masses for your marriage. Yes, these things should have been dealt with before, but it’s to late now to worry about. Focus on the future, his good qualities, and your marriage promise to God.
Thank you very much.
I try to be a good wife but i work a lot so its difficult to be a good one. As an example, I can't  prepare his lunch all times ... I would be happy doing home chores. Anyway,  Hubby doesn't care...
We didn't discuss those things very much before because he has some sort of trauma about all this stuff...
If there are true catholic women and they have husbands who provide for them and are caring and loving, they are im paradise. In this times,being at home with your children is EVERYTHING. Im very scared about my future children being brainwashed with gαy propaganda, feminist, commie and liberal stuff... 
In one hand I feel very guilty... on the other hand I love my husband and want him to be happy.
I only pray that he really converts to traditional catholicism (he is catholic, but with an important dose of modernism). 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: jen51 on August 27, 2019, 10:55:58 PM
OP, I'm sorry. :( You certainly are in a predicament, but you must not despair. There is much to be hopeful for. You seem very overwhelmed and stressed out. Remain centered in Christ and guard your peace of heart. Negative thoughts that are dwelt too long upon will fester. Try to remain cheerful- it will be best for you and your husband.

Be sweet to your husband. Be kind, gentle, and accommodating as you can. Approach him with meekness and humility and try never to quarrel. You married him as he is, so you will need much patience. Say your Rosary daily- our Lady is faithful! And be the absolute best Catholic wife you can be.

Are there other families that go to this Latin Mass you go to? Are there other families you can make friends and spend time with? Being in the presence of holy families brings about a healthy admiration in those with eyes to see it. Maybe he can fall in line with some other men in the parish?

I will certainly pray for you. Don't lose heart! Many a faithful wife has converted a wayward husband (and vis-versa). 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 27, 2019, 11:18:23 PM
Are you working because he believes 2 incomes are necessary?

If he insists on another income, would it be out of the question to work from home?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Nadir on August 28, 2019, 01:44:01 AM
Im a newlywed.
Congratulations and blessings on your marriage.
.
I love my hubby very much .
OK! So it's early days yet. Marriage takes a lot of adjusting to. It can be a bit of a comedown after all the excitement of the wedding, but now is the time to concentrate on getting to know each other and to grow together.
.
but I feel very depressed.
How is your general health? You sound unnecessarily anxious.
Can you talk to your Mum?
To your doctor?
Is this a pattern for you to be anxious?
.
He thinks women should work outside home and I do not. I work outside... i dont have another option.
You have no children yet.
What would you be doing if you were not working?
How many hours do you work?
Do you have enough income ?
.
Im very scared.
What are you scared of?
.
He is against homeschooling.
He may change his mind, if you build more confidence yourself and your decisions.
.
Im terrified of having kids....
Why are you terrified of having kids?
.
Im married to a good and caring husband but very troubled because of his past....
Why not live in the present? The past is done and gone, whatever it is. There is no way to change it. Accept, and thank God, and your husband, for what you have.
.
Of course divorce is not a solution.
Is you husband thinking of divorce? Or only you?
Give your husband positive affirmation and encouragement.
There will be enough problems in marriage. Deal with what comes, not what might, or might not come. Live in the present. It is all you have.
.
We had some fights because of this... and I said to him that he has to respect my views.
Be careful of laying down the law to him. Be meek and humble. He will love you for it.
And before careful not to criticise your m-i-l.
.
Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.
Is it really as bad as you paint it, or is that your depression speaking?
.
Please pray for us to do what is God's will.
:pray: :pray: :pray:
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on August 28, 2019, 05:11:56 AM
Im a newlywed.

...

Of course divorce is not a solution.

I find it a bit disturbing that the notion of divorce could possibly be mentioned by a "newlywed".

Unfortunately, now that you're married, this notion of "respecting" one another's opinion weighs in his favor, as you're subject to him.  So you must pray, and set good example, and attempt to persuade.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on August 28, 2019, 05:33:32 AM
You say that you love him very much, but you're depressed, mentioning divorce, obviously regretting your decision to marry, advising people not to let their daughters marry into this type of situation.

Here's the problem.  Your "love" is entirely on the emotional level.  You never really saw eye-to-eye INTELLECTUALLY.  You love him with your emotions but do not love him with your intellect and will.  So your emotions are at odds with your intellect, and this is what is causing your distress and your depression.  You are being torn in two different directions.  You have an emotional attachment to the man ... because of his look or personality or something else.  But you do not have an attachment to him intellectually or with your will.  This split between your intellect/will and your emotions is undoubtedly the cause of your depression and your anxiety.

But you MUST find a way to settle the intellect and the will ... or you're done.  No marriage can be sustained on emotion alone.  That stuff fades very quickly.  I suspect that the minute these emotions wear off (and they will), you'll be calling a divorce attorney.

So how do you quiet your intellect and will?  You must accept the fact that now subjection to your husband is in fact God's will.  By submitting to him, you are in fact submitting to God.  Now see a priest if you think he's crossing a line where you cannot comply in good conscience with something.  But apart from that, you must make the resolution of your intellect and will to submit to him.  Your decision to marry him is in the past.  NOW it is your obligation to submit.  View this submission to him as submission to God.  If this causes you some pain, offer it to God for his mind to be changed for the better.  You say that he must respect your opinions, but now that you are subject to him, that respect weights entirely in his favor.  While he SHOULD in charity listen to what you have to say, ultimately it is you who must submit to him ... and not the other way around.  I suspect that when you suggest he has to respect you're opinion, you're hoping that he'll give in to yours.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Stubborn on August 28, 2019, 06:15:19 AM
 :pray:
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 06:50:37 AM
OP here

Thank you so much for your replies.

Well...

1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style. 
3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
5. He despise being a home maker. 
6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its anonymous.
8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do... 
12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 06:58:37 AM
OP here

Thank you so much for your replies.

Well...

1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style.
3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
5. He despise being a home maker.
6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its anonymous.
8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do...
12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.
If I may ask, what are both your nationalities?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 07:12:43 AM
12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.
Are you using contraception? I don't see how you could delay children otherwise, unless you're abstaining entirely. 
I think you need to make clear to him that the reason you don't want to work is because you're anxious about childcare and what they might be subjected to if they have to go to daycare. You may have to continue working, but I'm sure there's some solution you can come to.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 07:24:36 AM
Are you using contraception? I don't see how you could delay children otherwise, unless you're abstaining entirely.
I think you need to make clear to him that the reason you don't want to work is because you're anxious about childcare and what they might be subjected to if they have to go to daycare. You may have to continue working, but I'm sure there's some solution you can come to.
OP here.
No, because he changed his mind.
And we never planned to use the pill, anyway. Rythm methods, yes, but not the pill...
About the divorce thing (@Ladislaus): No, I don't  believe in divorce. Once married, always married. I'm a little worried about him thinking about it (he has divorced friends and Im afraid he is normalizing some things)
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on August 28, 2019, 07:39:48 AM
As I wrote before, it's absolutely imperative that you submit to him and respect him.  Respect doesn't just mean lip-service, where you bite your lip as steam comes out of your ears.  It means a genuine, sincere deference and respect ... and honor.  This does not mean you agree with everything he's doing.  You will find that it will be 10x more likely that he will listen to your opinions and take them into account, and even defer to them, if he sees you regularly showing him respect and deference and submission.  If, on the other hand, you fight him and pick away, he's only going to dig his heels in deeper as he tries to defend his prerogative as head of the family.

It's not unlike the respect we owe a priest.  We recognize their authority, and we see God in them ... which doesn't necessarily mean that we agree with everything they say or do.  But we tip our head and say, "Good Morning, Father" as we walk by him.

As I said, you should joyfully and sincerely submit to his will in view of his authority ... even if you don't agree with it.  How can you be joyful?  Because you are in fact submitting to GOD's will THROUGH him.  So his authority is giving you the opportunity to submit to God.  In that way you can find joy in submission.  Sometimes the greater the cost of giving up you own will, the greater the joy.  Consequently, you will be able to find JOY in giving up your own will and see it as a happy occasion of grace, an opportunity to submit to God's will when it hurts to do so.  What merit is there in a "submission" where you always get your way?

If you practice this, respecting him as God's will in your life, then you will find joy also in your intellect and will ... and then you'll no longer be torn by your emotions conflicting with your will.

When I was a seminarian, a priest asked me one evening after dinner, "Would you like to empty the garbage?"  I responded ,"No," with a smile, but immediately added, "but I'll do it anyway."  Father smiled back because he understood the point I was making.  As I took out the garbage, did I enjoy the activity by itself?  No.  But, on another level, it gave me GREAT JOY to do it because in doing it, I wasn't just taking out the garbage, but I was doing God's will as expressed in the authority of the priest.  How joyfully we would comply with a direct order from Our Lord, if He were to appear to us.  If JESUS had asked me to take out the garbage, I would have bounded up out of my chair to do it immediately.  But, in point of fact, He WAS asking me to take out the garbage through the authority of the priest, no differently than if He had appeared and asked me directly Himself.

Similarly, while you do not enjoy or agree with working, take joy in submitting to your husband and deferring to his will, since you are deferring to the will of God.  If your husband sees this in you, joyfully deferring to his will, and saying, "I don't agree with this, but I am happy to do it because I love you and I respect your authority, and I put aside my own desires for you," .... there's a very high chance that he would be so moved by this that, at least in time, especially after you have children, he would insist that you quit.  Only a beast with a heart of stone would not be moved by that.

Now, you might say, it's not just because I don't like working, but because I don't think it's right.  Since there's nothing intrinsically evil about a woman working.  If it gets the point that you think there's something intrinsically against your conscience, then bring a priest into it.  But whether it's because you don't want to do it or you don't think it's ideal, the same principles as above apply.  You give up your own will in subjection to your husband, find joy in THAT, even if you don't find joy in the activity itself, and you will find peace ... rather than his depression and anxiety.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on August 28, 2019, 07:42:30 AM
OP here.
No, because he changed his mind.
And we never planned to use the pill, anyway. Rythm methods, yes, but not the pill...
About the divorce thing (@Ladislaus): No, I don't  believe in divorce. Once married, always married. I'm a little worried about him thinking about it (he has divorced friends and Im afraid he is normalizing some things)

I understand that you're against divorce, but the fact that you even threw the word out there is disconcerting ... since you just god married.

As for "rythm", no, no no.  You cannot use that (or NFP) unless there's a grave reason to do so (I don't believe at all, but I can't impose my opinion on your conscience).  It differs little from birth control when it's used without grave reason.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Mithrandylan on August 28, 2019, 07:47:15 AM
Sounds like your husband needs some good male influences. Some friends who either don't have working wives, or who do but complain about the fact. 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 08:39:59 AM
As I wrote before, it's absolutely imperative that you submit to him and respect him.  Respect doesn't just mean lip-service, where you bite your lip as steam comes out of your ears.  It means a genuine, sincere deference and respect ... and honor.  This does not mean you agree with everything he's doing.  You will find that it will be 10x more likely that he will listen to your opinions and take them into account, and even defer to them, if he sees you regularly showing him respect and deference and submission.  If, on the other hand, you fight him and pick away, he's only going to dig his heels in deeper as he tries to defend his prerogative as head of the family.

It's not unlike the respect we owe a priest.  We recognize their authority, and we see God in them ... which doesn't necessarily mean that we agree with everything they say or do.  But we tip our head and say, "Good Morning, Father" as we walk by him.

As I said, you should joyfully and sincerely submit to his will in view of his authority ... even if you don't agree with it.  How can you be joyful?  Because you are in fact submitting to GOD's will THROUGH him.  So his authority is giving you the opportunity to submit to God.  In that way you can find joy in submission.  Sometimes the greater the cost of giving up you own will, the greater the joy.  Consequently, you will be able to find JOY in giving up your own will and see it as a happy occasion of grace, an opportunity to submit to God's will when it hurts to do so.  What merit is there in a "submission" where you always get your way?

If you practice this, respecting him as God's will in your life, then you will find joy also in your intellect and will ... and then you'll no longer be torn by your emotions conflicting with your will.

When I was a seminarian, a priest asked me one evening after dinner, "Would you like to empty the garbage?"  I responded ,"No," with a smile, but immediately added, "but I'll do it anyway."  Father smiled back because he understood the point I was making.  As I took out the garbage, did I enjoy the activity by itself?  No.  But, on another level, it gave me GREAT JOY to do it because in doing it, I wasn't just taking out the garbage, but I was doing God's will as expressed in the authority of the priest.  How joyfully we would comply with a direct order from Our Lord, if He were to appear to us.  If JESUS had asked me to take out the garbage, I would have bounded up out of my chair to do it immediately.  But, in point of fact, He WAS asking me to take out the garbage through the authority of the priest, no differently than if He had appeared and asked me directly Himself.

Similarly, while you do not enjoy or agree with working, take joy in submitting to your husband and deferring to his will, since you are deferring to the will of God.  If your husband sees this in you, joyfully deferring to his will, and saying, "I don't agree with this, but I am happy to do it because I love you and I respect your authority, and I put aside my own desires for you," .... there's a very high chance that he would be so moved by this that, at least in time, especially after you have children, he would insist that you quit.  Only a beast with a heart of stone would not be moved by that.

Now, you might say, it's not just because I don't like working, but because I don't think it's right.  Since there's nothing intrinsically evil about a woman working.  If it gets the point that you think there's something intrinsically against your conscience, then bring a priest into it.  But whether it's because you don't want to do it or you don't think it's ideal, the same principles as above apply.  You give up your own will in subjection to your husband, find joy in THAT, even if you don't find joy in the activity itself, and you will find peace ... rather than his depression and anxiety.
OP here.
I agree with you about subjection and obeying. Im not a neopagan... Im a catholic woman.
I dont believe its intrinsically evil to work , but I believe a married woman with kids should not work outside home if there isnt a real necesity.
Im worried and scaried about leaving children at day care. If I submit (wich I agree I have to do) and something bad happens to my children.... I will be responsible in God's eyes???,?
For example.If  I leave a 3yo at day care. Teacher says to him that homo families are "normal" and another child becomes transgender - Ive heard about 5yo becoming transgenders- I will be responsible for putting my own child at grave spiritual risk ? Since Im just obeying my husband?
Day care teachers have an agenda and they believe they have to indoctrinate children at younger age.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 08:42:58 AM
Sounds like your husband needs some good male influences. Some friends who either don't have working wives, or who do but complain about the fact.
OP here.
Of course.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 08:50:53 AM
OP here

I also feel like a weird because people believe I should make a career and leaving children with strangers isnt bad at all...
I have very little female friends who are married and stay at home mothers. I find more peace talking with them that talking with other friends.

I have a catholic friend with children, her hubby isnt catholic, and he doesnt believe that she should remain at home (the "development" mentality) but he agrees with her staying at home because he sees their children well cared and well loving. He is a neopagan but finds joy in returning home and seeing their children with mom and not with a stranger. Maybe my hubby who is a catholic will find joy and peace also? I hope so :)


Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 09:15:32 AM
Quote
2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style.
The best way to argue against this is to sell him on the idea that if you stay at home with the children, you can "add value".  Not in monetary terms but in terms of getting chores done that would normally have to be done on the weekends.  For example, what are some things that you both have to do on the weekends because you can't do them during the week while you work?  Laundry?  Grocery shopping?  Cleaning bathrooms?  If you can convince him that you can do these things while staying at home, then you can persuade him that the weekends will have "more free time and less chores" if you stay at home.  Then weekends will be better for him and everyone.
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Also, go to your friends who pay for child care and get quotes on what they pay.  Compare that to how much your "take home" pay is from work.  I've heard many people complain that most of their work $ is spent on child care so having a job isn't a great benefit.  It's almost a wash.


Quote
8. ... He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
Next time this conversation comes up, remind him that the purpose of marriage is for the education and development of their children.  The woman's job is not to develop HERSELF but to develop/raise the children.  Yet, she will develop all kinds of skills by helping her children.  A wife has to learn the following.  A mother was not called a "domestic engineer" for nothing:
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1.  Nursing skills and basic medical knowledge for all kids' needs.  2.  Accounting/budgeting when buying clothes/food.  3.  You can take some cooking/baking classes to better learn how to cook great/thrifty meals.  4.  You could learn sewing so you can make children's clothes or mend them.  5.  You'll have to learn/re-learn science, math and english too so you can help your children in their school studies.  6.  You'll (possibly) have to read psychology/personality books to learn how to deal with a difficult child or situation.  7.  You'll be able to run errands during the day that typically can only be done on the weekends (or at night after work), if both work during the day (dry cleaning, groceries, car maint, laundry, house cleaning, etc).
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There's lot of advantages to having a spouse stay at home.  There's plenty to do and plenty to learn.  And a lot of economic benefits too.


Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Pax Vobis on August 28, 2019, 09:23:56 AM

Quote
I also feel like a weird because people believe I should make a career and leaving children with strangers isnt bad at all...
Fr Ripperger of the FSSP has many video on domestic/family life.  He says that he thinks it's a mortal sin for a couple if the woman works outside the home instead of being with the children, unless there's a grave reason.  He says that it's a matter of justice because children have a right to their parents and a matter of the vows of marriage since spouses have the primary duty to educate their children.
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I am not intending that you throw out this nuclear bomb and accuse your husband of a mortal sin if he makes you work.  But maybe he will listen to Fr's sermons and, with prayer on your part, he will change his mind.  Be patient, be prayerful, be positive.
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Start listening at the 2 minute mark:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-ZdZ3lPXF4 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-ZdZ3lPXF4)
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Fr Ripperger has all kinds of great videos.  Enjoy.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Mithrandylan on August 28, 2019, 10:01:36 AM
Lot of good advice in this thread, and good insights.
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Let me look at the problem from a broader, general view.  The problem isn't that your husband wants you to work so much as it is that your husband is very worldly.  What are the various influences around you two that could help improve that problem?  Are you friends with other Catholic couples?  Can you naturally and authentically put your husband in touch with masculine men who don't make their wives work, who are disdainful of popular culture, and so on? 
.
Your husband may be Catholic but he seems to all but entirely lack a Catholic moral and social sense.  Even if he was OK with you staying home with the kids, something else would rear its head.  This is just the way the problem has happened to manifest.  What about when your daughters are sixteen and he's OK with them dressing like sluts, or what about when your son is eleven and you don't want to give him a smartphone because of risks to impurity but your hubsand thinks looking at porn is "natural"?  What I'm saying is that while it's obviously important to try to find a way to get him to let you stay home, if he "gives in" on that but remains worldly you're not actually solving any underlying issues.  In fact without solving underlying issues he's probably going to resent you for staying home.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on August 28, 2019, 10:02:24 AM
Im worried and scaried about leaving children at day care. If I submit (wich I agree I have to do) and something bad happens to my children.... I will be responsible in God's eyes???,?

I wouldn't worry about this yet, since it hasn't happened.  Sometimes the arrival of a new baby changes people's minds.  I've know many parents who said they would use day care, but then looking at the baby's face changed their minds quickly.

No, you are not responsible.  It's all on your husband.  You could charitably explain the risk he's incurring, but since it's his authority and his decision, he will be the one held accountable in God's eyes.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 10:04:39 AM
Also your husband is rather dim.  Does he have any idea what daycare costs?  Unless you have no debt and are qualified to make a handsome salary, you'll be working just to pay for daycare.  Why not skip the whole charade and just stay home?  The finances will work out the same but the home life will be way better. 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 10:04:49 AM
The best way to argue against this is to sell him on the idea that if you stay at home with the children, you can "add value".  Not in monetary terms ...

Have you checked into how much decent day care even costs?  Unless you're making a LOT of money, it could wipe out most of your income.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 10:05:24 AM
Also your husband is rather dim.  Does he have any idea what daycare costs?  Unless you have no debt and are qualified to make a handsome salary, you'll be working just to pay for daycare.  Why not skip the whole charade and just stay home?  The finances will work out the same but the home life will be way better.

LOL.  You beat me to this post by 10 seconds.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 10:06:43 AM
Have you checked into how much decent day care even costs?  Unless you're making a LOT of money, it could wipe out most of your income.
.
Right.  The only way this makes sense to me is if the husband makes, say, close to six figures and the wife could make, say, 70+.  Then daycare makes a bit more fiscal sense (still doesn't make any moral sense).  And then factor in the sort of debt that is usually associated with a young person's capacity to make a handsome income, they're just running in place to stand still.  Stupid. 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 10:43:59 AM
Also your husband is rather dim.  Does he have any idea what daycare costs?  Unless you have no debt and are qualified to make a handsome salary, you'll be working just to pay for daycare.  Why not skip the whole charade and just stay home?  The finances will work out the same but the home life will be way better.
No! Her husband would hate that idea!
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Vintagewife3 on August 28, 2019, 10:50:42 AM
Op, if you’d like to ever talk I’m available. Just message me and I’ll give you my Facebook link, insta, or email. I understand how a worldly husbands actions can disrupt a family, marriage, and even peace with yourself. I have some resources you could use, and we can even do a bible study together. This would be about *you* as we cannot change husbands, we must use our influence to soften their hearts towards God then let God take over! 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 12:39:49 PM
Not sure what it is that I gather from this thread, but is it is better to be single wishing you were married, or to be married wishing you were single? I think the former, better to be single wishing you were married.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 01:50:41 PM
OP here. Thanks to all of you.
I really appreciate your answers.

I think my hubby isn't very worldly but has some worldly traits, bacause of his upbringing system.


On one hand, he wants me to work outside. On the other hand, he says he will let me guide our children upringing in "difficult things": for example, not allowing daughters dressing by worldly inmodest standards. He says "I will let you guide them" and I know he thinks modesty is an important thing although he isn't as conservative as I am. He is not saying I will be in charge, and I dont want that. Just in those points he will lean on my conservative view.

Thank you Vintagewife, I will write to you.
Ladislaus, thank you for your answer, I was scared about being responsible against God if I agree to husband's wishes.



Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: 2Vermont on August 28, 2019, 03:25:56 PM
I wouldn't worry about this yet, since it hasn't happened.  
This is where I'm at with this thread.  Let's not put the cart before the horse.  OP, you have no idea how long it will take you to conceive a child (that is, if God blesses you with children).  
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 28, 2019, 04:08:33 PM
Quote
I wouldn't worry about this yet, since it hasn't happened.  


Isn't this kind of thinking what started the problem in the first place?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: 2Vermont on August 28, 2019, 04:20:54 PM


Isn't this kind of thinking what started the problem in the first place?
Well, clearly this topic should have been discussed prior to marriage, but it wasn't.  I don't see how arguing over it now helps.

I think what this couple needs right now is to take the time to grow in their marriage and in their Faith.  When and if the OP gets pregnant, they will then be better equipped to handle any differences in this matter...and by then, there may not be any.    
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 29, 2019, 03:33:17 AM
Many children in daycare are physically, mentally and sɛҳuąƖly abused.  And many of these people working there many can’t take care of themselves. 

Didn’t the both of you had to talk to a priest before you were married?  
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 29, 2019, 10:34:13 AM
Many children in daycare are physically, mentally and sɛҳuąƖly abused.  And many of these people working there many can’t take care of themselves.

Didn’t the both of you had to talk to a priest before you were married?  
Op here.
Yes. But Father didnt talk about practical stuff.
Only talked about Cathecism. I believe he took for granted that both of us were trad catholics as we go all sundays to TLM.
I told him (alone) about our different views and he said that hubby (then, my fiancee) was a good man and suffered a lot (at his upbringing) . And we could marry but it was better to have a priest to talk periodically.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 29, 2019, 10:36:53 AM
Well, clearly this topic should have been discussed prior to marriage, but it wasn't.  I don't see how arguing over it now helps.

I think what this couple needs right now is to take the time to grow in their marriage and in their Faith.  When and if the OP gets pregnant, they will then be better equipped to handle any differences in this matter...and by then, there may not be any.    
Op here.
Sometimes I see my case as a believer married to a non believer and one has to give a catholic example to lead the non catholic part to the faith.
Im not saying that my hubby is a non believer, but he has some modernist traits. 

And I agree with you. If we both grow in faith all problems (even the day care charade) will be solved :). 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Mithrandylan on August 29, 2019, 11:25:36 AM
OP here. Thanks to all of you.
I really appreciate your answers.

I think my hubby isn't very worldly but has some worldly traits, bacause of his upbringing system.


On one hand, he wants me to work outside. On the other hand, he says he will let me guide our children upringing in "difficult things": for example, not allowing daughters dressing by worldly inmodest standards. He says "I will let you guide them" and I know he thinks modesty is an important thing although he isn't as conservative as I am. He is not saying I will be in charge, and I dont want that. Just in those points he will lean on my conservative view.

Thank you Vintagewife, I will write to you.
Ladislaus, thank you for your answer, I was scared about being responsible against God if I agree to husband's wishes.
.
Obviously I'm in no position to argue about your husband's worldliness or lackthereof-- you know him, I don't.  But insisting that the wife work, and insisting so on excessive material groudns (i.e., he's not saying you need to work so y'all can afford to keep a roof over you), is worldly.  Maybe it's the only respect in which he's worldly.  But it's bona fide, boilerplate worldliness.  
.
And I don't mean to say these things to discourage you or even to castigate you.  I just think that if one hopes to find natural solutions, one has to understand the problem.  We're all sinners, and we all have our vices. 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on August 30, 2019, 05:06:56 PM
.
Obviously I'm in no position to argue about your husband's worldliness or lackthereof-- you know him, I don't.  But insisting that the wife work, and insisting so on excessive material groudns (i.e., he's not saying you need to work so y'all can afford to keep a roof over you), is worldly.  Maybe it's the only respect in which he's worldly.  But it's bona fide, boilerplate worldliness.  
.
And I don't mean to say these things to discourage you or even to castigate you.  I just think that if one hopes to find natural solutions, one has to understand the problem.  We're all sinners, and we all have our vices.
OP here. 
I agree with you.
I believe a married woman should remain at home (except the family really needs another income because they are in extreme poverty). 
Even if we don't have children, because hubby needs to eat well and cooking good meals take time. I don' t have time to cook a really decent meal.
A home needs love and someone who take care of details: cleaning windows and curtains, having plants, etc. A lot of details that make the difference between just a simple house and a real home.
But I will pray so my husband could leave his modernist traits. He is a good man... and he loves Our Lord and Our Lady. He is just very confused because he didn't live in a real catholic environment as a little child. He needs time and prayers. And I really trust in God and I will obey my husband even if I don't want to.
Anyway, I believe this thread could be useful to other women or men with a spouse with modernist tendencies.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 11:55:02 AM
Hello.  I'm a ladies life coaching teaching biblical femininity to those wishing to transition from being a provider to being a helpmate.  Most of the time the woman can make changes in her behavior that inspires the protector/provider instinct in her husband.  When he experiences her feminine vulnerability and dependence on him he begins to see the value of her remaining in the home.  If you would like help with learning real femininity (NOT goddess worship or new age woo woo), please email me at info@genesiswomancoaching.com.  God bless.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 12:21:28 PM
Wow. Your husband sounds like some seriously damaged goods. This thread should be required reading for every newlywed. This thread hits close to home, since the errors and worldliness described in the husband are precisely what my whole life has been about opposing. The foolishness of American worldly culture, also known as suburban or middle-class. Everyone lives the same way, even though the system just doesn't work (as shown by marriage success rates, happiness, prescription drug use, number of children raised, number of children with problems, etc.)

Your husband is chasing a phantom. There is no real happiness in having tons of money, going to Disneyland once a year, living in a cookie-cutter house in a subdivision, eating out a different ethnic food every day, and all that crap. It is emptiness and has no purpose. With the lifestyle he has chosen, around age 40 one or both spouses will get depressed and either divorce or abuse drugs, whether illegal or prescription drugs. Does your husband know what percent of middle-aged career women are on depression medication? The career path is stupidity, a complete illusion that unfortunately many people fall for.

Another danger is for the wife to accidentally find a much more conservative man "at work" (ironically, she is there by her husband's will) and her emotional nature will work against her. Even if the woman doesn't mean for it to happen, it will be a strong temptation and this has happened to millions of women in her situation. Few women are able to rise above the strong pull of a true man who isn't a selfish boy who wants leisure and lots of toys, especially if said man shows her any amount of care, attention or concern. As another poster pointed out, emotion doesn't last. There needs to be some union deeper than that. You may both be Traditional Catholic, but in your husband's case that just means sitting through a Latin Mass for an hour on Sunday. Other than that, you two are from two different planets.

How many divorces have happened because the woman meets a man at work, whether by accident or on purpose? And how many of those women were there because the husband actually wanted her to work, so they could live better and what not? I'm guessing a large percentage of them. These husbands get what they deserve, frankly. It's sad that the women are often innocent at least originally, but they get damaged as well by divorce, remarriage, and their souls get corrupted in the process. But these worldly or liberal Catholic husbands are foolish to force their wives to work outside the home. And sure enough, according to Fr. Ripperger, this is actually a mortal sin for the husband.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 01:08:19 PM
Your husband's opinions, worldview, religion is exactly the same as that of the husbands/boyfriends who force their wives/girlfriends to get an abortion, and/or who contracept and live the American "double income no kids" affluent urban lifestyle.

Your husband might be inconsistent now, not taking his basic beliefs to their natural conclusion. In other words, he is contradicting himself and a bit of a hypocrite or fence-sitter. But the basic motivation of those male pushers of abortion and the basic motivation of your husband is essentially the same. Selfishness, worldliness, and an unwillingness to forego all the pleasures that life has to offer. That is why I hate that worldview with a passion. It has caused the death of tens of millions of babies. Go read up on what abortion is, and how abortions is performed. But then think about WHY they are performed. My conclusion? Disneyland -- and every other pleasure/experience that is "out of reach" for single-income families, homeschooled families, large families -- can go straight to hell.

I know it sounds a bit harsh, but I'm just stating a fact.

If your husband had to choose between his precious worldly suburban lifestyle and another baby -- what would he choose? We all hope he would do the right thing. But would he? And even if he did do the right thing, he would actually be inconsistent and a hypocrite (traitor) to his secular worldview. This shows the evil and flawed nature of his opinions and worldview.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 01:14:28 PM
I forgot to mention another opinion your husband shares with pro-abortion fanatics: a disregard for life and the intrinsic value of motherhood as a dignified and worthy calling for women. They both deny the fact that motherhood, including the teaching and raising of the children, is the highest calling for women, after the religious life.
Together with that belief is a foolish but religious (taken on faith) belief that women are best "actualized", fulfilled, or have the best personal growth by having a career and slaving away in an office, working for The Man 40 hours a week.  Female careers are glorified, even though the reality of such careers usually doesn't live up to the hype. Fantasy: I'm going to cure cancer as a scientist. Reality: putting in 40 hours a week in a lab, staring into a microscope and running blood tests. Banal, boring stuff. Fantasy: having a career will make me independent and happy. Reality: most career women end up single and childless in their 40s, and a huge percentage of these women end up on mind-altering prescription drugs for depression.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 05:23:10 PM
I asked to 2 priests.
One advised me not to marry.
The other told me to do so.
What reasons did they give?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 02, 2019, 05:28:42 PM
You must accept the fact that now subjection to your husband is in fact God's will.
Very good point. One very good thing about obedience is that it gives peace and assurance that one is in fact doing God's will. Doing God's will is all that matters.
A subject never sins in obeying a superior, even if the superior sins in commanding (unless the superior commands one to sin).
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 04, 2019, 06:45:43 AM
I forgot to mention another opinion your husband shares with pro-abortion fanatics: a disregard for life and the intrinsic value of motherhood as a dignified and worthy calling for women. They both deny the fact that motherhood, including the teaching and raising of the children, is the highest calling for women, after the religious life.
Together with that belief is a foolish but religious (taken on faith) belief that women are best "actualized", fulfilled, or have the best personal growth by having a career and slaving away in an office, working for The Man 40 hours a week.  Female careers are glorified, even though the reality of such careers usually doesn't live up to the hype. Fantasy: I'm going to cure cancer as a scientist. Reality: putting in 40 hours a week in a lab, staring into a microscope and running blood tests. Banal, boring stuff. Fantasy: having a career will make me independent and happy. Reality: most career women end up single and childless in their 40s, and a huge percentage of these women end up on mind-altering prescription drugs for depression.
OP here
I agree with you. I dont believe married women should go to work. Its stupid.
I know some women who were young in the 1980s. They were at home, they could be with their children. They divorced in the 90s so they could be modern women. Now, they are 50-60s and they HAVE TO work because thdy distroyed their marriages, relation with their children is nonexistant (as they were not present at their teen years) and their "partner" would not provide for her. They have what they deserve... and its not the paradise they hoped for.
About my hubby: he was raised by a career mother ...
Its very sad. I pray for both of us and I hope he will change his mind.

Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 04, 2019, 06:49:34 AM
Very good point. One very good thing about obedience is that it gives peace and assurance that one is in fact doing God's will. Doing God's will is all that matters.
A subject never sins in obeying a superior, even if the superior sins in commanding (unless the superior commands one to sin).
OP here.
I know its my duty to obey. Its out of question.
And I was scared about leaving children at daycare and sining, but Ladislaus told me it would be my husbands responsibility if something bad happens (because its his will and Im only obbeying).
Altough I believe the line who divides simply obbeying and obbeying to comiting a sin its very thin...
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 04, 2019, 06:54:03 AM
You should talk to a priest.   
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 06, 2019, 06:13:17 PM
Altough I believe the line who divides simply obbeying and obbeying to comiting a sin its very thin...
Have you spoken to a priest about this?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 07, 2019, 08:13:57 AM
Have you spoken to a priest about this?
Op here.
About the obbeying/sinning thing?
No.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Vintagewife3 on September 08, 2019, 07:36:04 PM
OP here.
I know its my duty to obey. Its out of question.
And I was scared about leaving children at daycare and sining, but Ladislaus told me it would be my husbands responsibility if something bad happens (because its his will and Im only obbeying).
Altough I believe the line who divides simply obbeying and obbeying to comiting a sin its very thin...
Yes, or course there is a line, but you must speak to a trusted priest about where that line would be. 
I hope things are well for you both 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on September 08, 2019, 08:04:56 PM
Very good point. One very good thing about obedience is that it gives peace and assurance that one is in fact doing God's will. Doing God's will is all that matters.
A subject never sins in obeying a superior, even if the superior sins in commanding (unless the superior commands one to sin).

Right.  Everything else is water under the bridge.  You can second-guess whether or not you should have gotten married, but that's over and done with.  At this time, obedience to your husband is what pleases God.  Even if you don't agree, you can find peace of soul in complying ... nay, rather, the more you comply with something you do not agree with, the greater the opportunity you have for your sanctification.  Indeed, what merit is there in submitting to things you already completely agree with?

Unless something your husband demands of you crosses the line into sin ... or is gravely unjust or abusive, as agreed to by a solid priest ... just submit.  And offer up the pain of submission in order to "convert" your husband.  No need to be depressed or wring your hands of speak of divorce.

And, as I mentioned before, a man who sees his wife completely submissive and docile will almost invariably go out of his way to please here and will find himself yielding to her wishes more and more.  But a man who sees his wife always attempting to assert herself ... well, he'll assert right back and dig in his heels.

Just tell him, "I do not agree with you, but I love you and will do as you ask." ... without negativity or resentment or back talk.  You'd probably be able to see his heart melt.  Unless he's a total animal of course, and in that case you have to do the same and offer it up.  Don't bring it up often in a spirit of complaining.  Every so often you can bring up the fact that you still don't agree, but do so gently.

Also, people are often changed after they see their newborn.  They look him in the eye and can't bear to hand him off to a daycare facility.  I've known a number of diehard feminists who swore up and down that they would continue their career and stick their child in daycare only to break down after the child was born.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 08, 2019, 08:08:11 PM
A subject never sins in obeying a superior, even if the superior sins in commanding (unless the superior commands one to sin).
That may be true but will be precious little comfort if something happens to children in daycare.
A mother shares responsibility for the protection and welfare of her children.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on September 08, 2019, 08:15:17 PM
That may be true but will be precious little comfort if something happens to children in daycare.
A mother shares responsibility for the protection and welfare of her children.

It's his authority and it's his responsibility.  If you think it's immoral to take the child to daycare, take your complaint to a priest, and have the priest talk to him.

Look.  This hasn't even happened yet.  Chances are very high that #1) when the child is born and #2) when he gets the quote for how much the daycare will cost ... he'll change his mind.  In the meantime, you suggest to him that the two of you should pray together to ask God to guide you in determining what's best for the child.  God has a way of arranging matters just fine in response to prayer.

This constant but ... but ... but .... sounds to me like a nagging feminist.  You just refuse to let it go.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on September 08, 2019, 08:18:15 PM
Yes, or course there is a line, but you must speak to a trusted priest about where that line would be.
I hope things are well for you both

Absolutely.  You refer this to a priest.  Stop trying to assert your own will against that of your husband.  You keep wringing your hands and refuse to let it drop.  I can already envision how you regularly nag your husband about it.  Trust me that it's counterproductive.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Nadir on September 08, 2019, 08:21:18 PM
That may be true but will be precious little comfort if something happens to children in daycare.
A mother shares responsibility for the protection and welfare of her children.
Why do you live in the future? Is the present not enough to deal with?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Ladislaus on September 08, 2019, 08:23:07 PM
Why do you live in the future? Is the present not enough to deal with?

THIS^^^.  It hasn't happened yet.  Things change over time.  People change.  There's such a thing as God's grace and providence.  You sound like you're just terrified.  Where is your trust in God?  I've seen lots of changes in people and in their circuмstances that have seemed almost miraculous.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 06:49:58 AM
Op here.

Ladislaus, I agree with you in the majority of things you said but you don't know me, don't know the dynsmics of the relationship with my husband and don't know if I nag on him or not. You are just making asumptions.

Of course Gods grace can do anything... but thats anothet point. A person firmly stuck in modernism and believing mothers who stay at home are lazy and dont do anything... well... only Gods grace will chsnge their minds.

About the "dont live in the future" point I agree, but a woman wants to make future plans about home, children and a lot of things. I can't plsn anything, even about a home, and it's very hard. But that's another thing and I want to discuss it.

The priest told me he knows my hubby suffered  a lot and that I would have to lead him to conservantism because of his modernist traits. I'm tired of triying to do anything and just receiving criticism so I will do what he wants and don't bother myself anymore.

Hubby is OK, is calm,  so everything is fine.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 06:51:42 AM
Op here.

"And I dont want to discuss it" (the imposibility of planning anything related to having a home).
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 07:21:37 AM
"And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband.  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy". - St. Paul
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 07:48:40 AM


Yes... I believe Saint Paul is talking about situations like mine.... thank you very much :)
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 09:22:39 AM
You never should have married this man but you have to sleep in the bed you made. Do you love your husband? Pray and make sacrifices for him. Now to practical matters. I've been married for 31
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 09:27:56 AM
You never should have married this man but you have to sleep in the bed you made. Do you love your husband? Pray and make sacrifices for him. Now to practical matters. I've been married for 31
Op here
Yes, I will pray and offer sacrifices.
Of course I love him. Its out of qyestion.
As the priest said, he has suffered a lot, but he is fine now. And that is important to me.
I m not nagging all day, I wasnt raised to do this. I was raised to obey hubby, not to be all day giving him problems.... its not my style.
 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 09:37:16 AM
Stop fighting. Men will forgive a lot if they love their wife but they never get over the feeling of betrayal if they think you trapped or lied them into marriage. If you knew how he felt before the wedding then marrying him was assent to his views. Make your home a wonderful place and he MIGHT one day get the feeling that having you at home all day would be a good thing. If all you do is fight about it he will back into a corner and if his family and friends, (most especially his friends),  start telling him that you are being lazy at home and not adding anything of value to his life, then your hopes for being an at home wife and mother will be dashed for good. Ultimately you have to sleep in the bed that you made and make the best of it. 
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 09, 2019, 12:55:57 PM
Op here.
Thank you for your answer.

We dont fight about this. There were SOME soft disagreements but not properly fights. I wasnt raised to fight hubby and hubby doesnt want to fight.

If I have to describe the situation: both of us now our disagreements but no one is going to fight with the other.

I really care about hubby and he is the one in charge.

That doesnt mean I cannot be worried, or talk to Father X, or talk about this in this anonymous subforum. But we are not fighting all the time.

It was good to hear advice from good traditional catholics at this forum because I cannot talk about this with other people face to face about it,except with a priest.

Ps. I never lied to hubby. I always told him about my views. Father X believes its a matter of time.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Conspiracy_Factist on September 10, 2019, 07:38:35 PM
OP here

Thank you so much for your replies.

Well...

1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style.
3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
5. He despise being a home maker.
6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its anonymous.
8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do...
12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.
you can't obey his decisions if they go against the catholic faith, how about you take the approach that when you actually do have kids you simply stay home and take care of them, have your priest tell him the wife's duty is to stay home with the kids, maybe look into  doing  some on line business at home
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Nadir on September 10, 2019, 10:51:47 PM
About the "dont live in the future" point I agree, but a woman wants to make future plans about home, children and a lot of things. I can't plsn anything, even about a home, and it's very hard. But that's another thing and I  don't want to discuss it.

But you are still living in the future. The future is not. Only the present is.

Can you not embrace the present. You are wearing yourself out with nothing substantial. You have a work life and a home life, but it seems that is not enough for you. What about filling your time caring for someone else to take your mind off worrying about your husband faults?  Some volunteer or charity work?
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 11, 2019, 02:09:43 PM
you can't obey his decisions if they go against the catholic faith, how about you take the approach that when you actually do have kids you simply stay home and take care of them, have your priest tell him the wife's duty is to stay home with the kids, maybe look into  doing  some on line business at home
Op here.
Well its difficult for me to know whats the right thing to do because even among trads there are different opinions (I see the advice and there are similar opinions but very different also).
Anyway, Im not worried now.
Im more calm because I talked to Father X and he is going to giving us counseling. Father says all things related to children and family are important NOW and not to be kicked out to years after. Both of us are willing to do what he says... so we are fine.
I answered to him if I should delay this to tomorrow and he said no. He said "You dont have to worry but to occupy" and that I should receive counseling and both of us have to use this time without children to focus in our home.
Hubby has good will and he respects Father's opinions. That doesnt mean he will do all he says but he will think about it and that's VERY GOOD  :)
He even has recognized mothers working full time its not good. 
I was very depressed before. It was good to receive advice here and talking to Father X (our priest).
Ps. Its very difficult to live in this time and age without talking to a priest or having trad friends constantly. If you have them, problems doesnt seem so bad.
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 11, 2019, 09:29:30 PM
Op here.
Well its difficult for me to know whats the right thing to do because even among trads there are different opinions (I see the advice and there are similar opinions but very different also).
Anyway, Im not worried now.
Im more calm because I talked to Father X and he is going to giving us counseling. Father says all things related to children and family are important NOW and not to be kicked out to years after. Both of us are willing to do what he says... so we are fine.
I answered to him if I should delay this to tomorrow and he said no. He said "You dont have to worry but to occupy" and that I should receive counseling and both of us have to use this time without children to focus in our home.
Hubby has good will and he respects Father's opinions. That doesnt mean he will do all he says but he will think about it and that's VERY GOOD  :)
He even has recognized mothers working full time its not good.
I was very depressed before. It was good to receive advice here and talking to Father X (our priest).
Ps. Its very difficult to live in this time and age without talking to a priest or having trad friends constantly. If you have them, problems doesnt seem so bad.
lucky you, I have no trad friends and a wife who doesn't want anymore kids after having 3, you have to stick to your guns
Title: Re: Please pray for me
Post by: Änσnymσus on September 12, 2019, 06:25:02 AM
lucky you, I have no trad friends and a wife who doesn't want anymore kids after having 3, you have to stick to your guns
Op here
Is your wife traditional? Maybe she could receive counseling by a good trad priest.

About good trad friends: I believe it makes a big difference. Dont you have an sspx chapel near your home? I believe the environment can improve catholicism in marriages.