Author Topic: Please pray for me  (Read 2835 times)

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Änσnymσus

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Please pray for me
« on: August 27, 2019, 04:58:54 PM »
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  • Im a newlywed.

    I love my hubby very much but I feel very depressed. He's catholic and even attends LM but he has some modern views...

    He thinks women should work outside home and I do not. I work outside... i dont have another option.

    Hubby's mother always worked outside home. His parent agreed to this. My hubby had very little attachment to his parents because of this. 

    We go to LM all sundays and we were validly married by a trad priest. A lot of our friends have traditional views (some go to SSPX). 

    Im very scared.

    He is against homeschooling. Im terrified of having kids....

    I understand men who are married to a not "too catholic woman" but Im in the same case, married to a good and caring husband but very troubled because of his past....

    Of course divorce is not a solution. 

    We had some fights because of this... and I said to him that he has to respect my views. That I respect his views... (women outside home) but he has to respect my view, who has 4000+ years .... and his view only 40 ???? 

    I know its hard for him. Recognizing women should remain at home= recognizing his mother had other priorities. Not her children. Mi FIL was also responsible: he encouraged it b/c he didnt want to have money or properties in common with her.

    Its very sad. Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.

    Please pray for us to do what is God's will.

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #1 on: August 27, 2019, 05:03:39 PM »
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  • Im a newlywed.

    ...

    Im very scared.

    ...

    Of course divorce is not a solution.

    ...

    Its very sad. Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.


    If I may ask, did you not have any of these conversations prior to marriage?  I mean, if you're a newlywed, why is this just now coming up?


    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #2 on: August 27, 2019, 05:12:51 PM »
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  • I asked to 2 priests.
    One advised me not to marry.
    The other told me to do so.

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #3 on: August 27, 2019, 05:18:05 PM »
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  • OP here.
    I just ask for prayers if you can and Im sorry if I sound too stupid. 
    I know that we made mistakes (about not having conversations before).... I know. 


    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #4 on: August 27, 2019, 08:24:30 PM »
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  • Prayers 🙂 remain a good dutiful wife, and you’ll soften his heart towards it in time. Pray for him often, and offer masses for your marriage. Yes, these things should have been dealt with before, but it’s to late now to worry about. Focus on the future, his good qualities, and your marriage promise to God.


    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #5 on: August 27, 2019, 09:39:45 PM »
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  • Prayers 🙂 remain a good dutiful wife, and you’ll soften his heart towards it in time. Pray for him often, and offer masses for your marriage. Yes, these things should have been dealt with before, but it’s to late now to worry about. Focus on the future, his good qualities, and your marriage promise to God.
    Thank you very much.
    I try to be a good wife but i work a lot so its difficult to be a good one. As an example, I can't  prepare his lunch all times ... I would be happy doing home chores. Anyway,  Hubby doesn't care...
    We didn't discuss those things very much before because he has some sort of trauma about all this stuff...
    If there are true catholic women and they have husbands who provide for them and are caring and loving, they are im paradise. In this times,being at home with your children is EVERYTHING. Im very scared about my future children being brainwashed with gαy propaganda, feminist, commie and liberal stuff... 
    In one hand I feel very guilty... on the other hand I love my husband and want him to be happy.
    I only pray that he really converts to traditional catholicism (he is catholic, but with an important dose of modernism). 

    Offline jen51

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #6 on: August 27, 2019, 10:55:58 PM »
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  • OP, I'm sorry. :( You certainly are in a predicament, but you must not despair. There is much to be hopeful for. You seem very overwhelmed and stressed out. Remain centered in Christ and guard your peace of heart. Negative thoughts that are dwelt too long upon will fester. Try to remain cheerful- it will be best for you and your husband.

    Be sweet to your husband. Be kind, gentle, and accommodating as you can. Approach him with meekness and humility and try never to quarrel. You married him as he is, so you will need much patience. Say your Rosary daily- our Lady is faithful! And be the absolute best Catholic wife you can be.

    Are there other families that go to this Latin Mass you go to? Are there other families you can make friends and spend time with? Being in the presence of holy families brings about a healthy admiration in those with eyes to see it. Maybe he can fall in line with some other men in the parish?

    I will certainly pray for you. Don't lose heart! Many a faithful wife has converted a wayward husband (and vis-versa). 
    Religion clean and undefiled before God and the Father, is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their tribulation: and to keep one's self unspotted from this world.
    ~James 1:27

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #7 on: August 27, 2019, 11:18:23 PM »
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  • Are you working because he believes 2 incomes are necessary?

    If he insists on another income, would it be out of the question to work from home?


    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #8 on: August 28, 2019, 01:44:01 AM »
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  • Im a newlywed.
    Congratulations and blessings on your marriage.
    .
    I love my hubby very much .
    OK! So it's early days yet. Marriage takes a lot of adjusting to. It can be a bit of a comedown after all the excitement of the wedding, but now is the time to concentrate on getting to know each other and to grow together.
    .
    but I feel very depressed.
    How is your general health? You sound unnecessarily anxious.
    Can you talk to your Mum?
    To your doctor?
    Is this a pattern for you to be anxious?
    .
    He thinks women should work outside home and I do not. I work outside... i dont have another option.
    You have no children yet.
    What would you be doing if you were not working?
    How many hours do you work?
    Do you have enough income ?
    .
    Im very scared.
    What are you scared of?
    .
    He is against homeschooling.
    He may change his mind, if you build more confidence yourself and your decisions.
    .
    Im terrified of having kids....
    Why are you terrified of having kids?
    .
    Im married to a good and caring husband but very troubled because of his past....
    Why not live in the present? The past is done and gone, whatever it is. There is no way to change it. Accept, and thank God, and your husband, for what you have.
    .
    Of course divorce is not a solution.
    Is you husband thinking of divorce? Or only you?
    Give your husband positive affirmation and encouragement.
    There will be enough problems in marriage. Deal with what comes, not what might, or might not come. Live in the present. It is all you have.
    .
    We had some fights because of this... and I said to him that he has to respect my views.
    Be careful of laying down the law to him. Be meek and humble. He will love you for it.
    And before careful not to criticise your m-i-l.
    .
    Please never allow your daughters to marry in this scenario.
    Is it really as bad as you paint it, or is that your depression speaking?
    .
    Please pray for us to do what is God's will.
    :pray: :pray: :pray:

    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #9 on: August 28, 2019, 05:11:56 AM »
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  • Im a newlywed.

    ...

    Of course divorce is not a solution.

    I find it a bit disturbing that the notion of divorce could possibly be mentioned by a "newlywed".

    Unfortunately, now that you're married, this notion of "respecting" one another's opinion weighs in his favor, as you're subject to him.  So you must pray, and set good example, and attempt to persuade.

    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #10 on: August 28, 2019, 05:33:32 AM »
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  • You say that you love him very much, but you're depressed, mentioning divorce, obviously regretting your decision to marry, advising people not to let their daughters marry into this type of situation.

    Here's the problem.  Your "love" is entirely on the emotional level.  You never really saw eye-to-eye INTELLECTUALLY.  You love him with your emotions but do not love him with your intellect and will.  So your emotions are at odds with your intellect, and this is what is causing your distress and your depression.  You are being torn in two different directions.  You have an emotional attachment to the man ... because of his look or personality or something else.  But you do not have an attachment to him intellectually or with your will.  This split between your intellect/will and your emotions is undoubtedly the cause of your depression and your anxiety.

    But you MUST find a way to settle the intellect and the will ... or you're done.  No marriage can be sustained on emotion alone.  That stuff fades very quickly.  I suspect that the minute these emotions wear off (and they will), you'll be calling a divorce attorney.

    So how do you quiet your intellect and will?  You must accept the fact that now subjection to your husband is in fact God's will.  By submitting to him, you are in fact submitting to God.  Now see a priest if you think he's crossing a line where you cannot comply in good conscience with something.  But apart from that, you must make the resolution of your intellect and will to submit to him.  Your decision to marry him is in the past.  NOW it is your obligation to submit.  View this submission to him as submission to God.  If this causes you some pain, offer it to God for his mind to be changed for the better.  You say that he must respect your opinions, but now that you are subject to him, that respect weights entirely in his favor.  While he SHOULD in charity listen to what you have to say, ultimately it is you who must submit to him ... and not the other way around.  I suspect that when you suggest he has to respect you're opinion, you're hoping that he'll give in to yours.


    Offline Stubborn

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #11 on: August 28, 2019, 06:15:19 AM »
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  •  :pray:
    The Highest Principle in the Church: "We are first of all under obedience to God, and only then under obedience to man." - Fr. Hesse

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #12 on: August 28, 2019, 06:50:37 AM »
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  • OP here

    Thank you so much for your replies.

    Well...

    1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
    2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style. 
    3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
    4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
    5. He despise being a home maker. 
    6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
    7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its αnσnymσus.
    8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
    9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
    10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
    11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do... 
    12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

    I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #13 on: August 28, 2019, 06:58:37 AM »
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  • OP here

    Thank you so much for your replies.

    Well...

    1. I have never criticized my mother in love and I will never do. Is out of question so dont worry about that.
    2. He wants two incomes because he likes a good life style.
    3. We dont have the necessity of two incomes, all our bassic needs are supplied with his income.
    4. I dont earn so much money as him, but he has the view that a womam needs to develop herself and the only way to do this is working outside home (as his mother did).
    5. He despise being a home maker.
    6. I dont have trouble working now (I would be happy at home because , anyway) but I will not be happy going to work and leaving a baby at a day care.
    7.yes, Im anxious. I dont have people to talk about this. My mother believes as my hubby, and I could not go outside telling people my marriage problems, is out of question. I could not talk about this to my friends ... I think its disrespectful to my hubby. I can post here about it, but its αnσnymσus.
    8. I dont want to be the one in charge. I only said to him that he has to respect my views about motherhood because if I dont do that, Im lost. He will never agree about this and he will go on talking about how mothers who stay at home dont develop themselves.
    9. I said to him to please respect my view, not to do what I want. Its different. Of course I have to do what he wants, he is the hubby. If I get pregnant soon, I have to do what he says (working outside home).
    10. Working from home its not an option... I could not make the money I earn now and he will not see it as a real job (for him, a job is working outside, having a boss, being recognized, etc)
    11. Yeah, we jave trad friends. But he dont  agree with all things trads do...
    12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.

    I will obbey my husband's decisions, its out of question.
    If I may ask, what are both your nationalities?

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Please pray for me
    « Reply #14 on: August 28, 2019, 07:12:43 AM »
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  • 12. He even didnt want children before I could have settled at my job...then he changed his opinion.
    Are you using contraception? I don't see how you could delay children otherwise, unless you're abstaining entirely. 
    I think you need to make clear to him that the reason you don't want to work is because you're anxious about childcare and what they might be subjected to if they have to go to daycare. You may have to continue working, but I'm sure there's some solution you can come to.


     

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