Are we obligated to respond to efforts of people to try to develop a social connection with us?  I do not have an interest in making friends.  I have my home and family and the Sacraments.  I do not wish to socialize. I dread feeling I'm being interrogated by people who think being outgoing and social is the be all end all to existence.  I am a loner by nature and I expend myself for my family and the duties I have at home. There's an individual who has been making overtures for friendship a couple of times over the last few months ... and it is making me very uncomfortable.

So the bottom line question is: am I failing to be charitable because I do not wish to reciprocate an effort at drawing me into socializing?  Do I have to have friends in order to do my duty as a Catholic?  Or is charity specifically referring to being polite and generous with regard donating food and money?

Believe me when I tell you, the closer you draw to God, the less attractive purely human relationships will become. I know this from recent, profoundly life-changing and agonizing experience.

As you pursue sanctity and strive to remain obedient to Our Lord in imitation of Our Lady, you will find that only those things which tend to enrich your spiritual life will matter when it comes to spending time with others. Those who would waste their time in dissipation and worldly pursuits will not want to savor the things of faith and Life with you, and you will find yourself totally dissatisfied with associations that are not Christ-honoring.

How I wish more people would rank their obligation to Our Lord and Our Lady above their social status or their sense of belonging to this world! Be assured of my prayers for you.

Immaculate Heart of Mary, triumph soon!

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

I do not deny that I am selfish, and that is why I asked the question.  I want to do the right thing according to Church teaching and God's will here.  I know that I feel really really uncomfortable around many people and suffer with "small talk" and those folks who are loud and outspoken and like to fire questions at you, "Who are you?"  "Why do you do this or that?"  "And what about your kids ?"  Whatever.  It's a particular torment for me and I know that it's my temperament and I know that while some interaction is necessary ... involving myself with these people is torture.

This individual is not reaching out to me in need.  This individual is a pillar of the community, a member of many organizations, a mother of a large and highly educated family, highly educated herself, wife of a doctor ... She has many friends and associations.  I suspect she may see me as an opportunity to extend charity as well as to get another volunteer for her many clubs and activities.  

We're not in the same social class and are do not share background or interests with these people and many of the same at our parish.  

Are we obligated to respond to efforts of people to try to develop a social connection with us?  I do not have an interest in making friends.  I have my home and family and the Sacraments.  I do not wish to socialize. I dread feeling I'm being interrogated by people who think being outgoing and social is the be all end all to existence.  I am a loner by nature and I expend myself for my family and the duties I have at home. There's an individual who has been making overtures for friendship a couple of times over the last few months ... and it is making me very uncomfortable.

So the bottom line question is: am I failing to be charitable because I do not wish to reciprocate an effort at drawing me into socializing?  Do I have to have friends in order to do my duty as a Catholic?  Or is charity specifically referring to being polite and generous with regard donating food and money?

 
You and I are very alike. I explain to tell people that I do not engage in extracurricular activities unless there is a Spiritual or Corporal Work involved. If that doesn’t work- I defer them to my husband.  
 
I prefer to keep my social activities centered around home life as well as  corporal and spiritual works. I think the latter two are where one can be social, create friendships all while doing God’s will.  
 
 

 :cheers:  OR      ?
There is no moral requirement to be a social climber.  Everyone is different.  You may certainly CHOOSE your friends just as you chose your husband instead of marrying the first man to come along.  I would caution you, however, not to entirely cut yourself off from the rest of humanity.  People are generally happy when they have at least one person with whom they can be open and transparent other than their spouse or immediate family.  Your children need to see their parents interacting with others in a Christian manner, or they will not know how to make friends.  Perhaps your husband is more outgoing?  Don't feel limited to the people at your chapel.  Friends can often be found other places.  Go to places where you can meet people with whom you have more in common.  You needn't constantly go out or be in each other's houses.  One of my closest friends lives 750 miles away.  We see each other four times a year.  But we talk by phone once a week.  With the internet, we're able to swap photos, keep up with each other.  Being completely isolated is not good unless you are a hermit.

Are we obligated to respond to efforts of people to try to develop a social connection with us?  I do not have an interest in making friends.  I have my home and family and the Sacraments.  I do not wish to socialize. I dread feeling I'm being interrogated by people who think being outgoing and social is the be all end all to existence.  I am a loner by nature and I expend myself for my family and the duties I have at home. There's an individual who has been making overtures for friendship a couple of times over the last few months ... and it is making me very uncomfortable.

Most people assume that others are like oneself in some way, and you can be sure that those seeking to be social with you are doing so because they think you want it.

Dealing with this can be tricky, as one is dealing with someone with good intentions towards oneself, and one does not want to hurt that person, although that person is causing discomfort unintentionally to oneself.

So the bottom line question is: am I failing to be charitable because I do not wish to reciprocate an effort at drawing me into socializing?  Do I have to have friends in order to do my duty as a Catholic?  Or is charity specifically referring to being polite and generous with regard donating food and money?

It is not a matter of charity. It is a matter of affability, under justice.

Charity has nothing to do with externals, except that charity can be expressed through them. Charity is a theological virtue, a virtue infused by God.

Acts of mercy can include almsgiving, but that is not a necessary part.

I'm too busy with my family and church duties to socialize.  

Define socialize:  Ok I will.  Spending time with non-family members with the sole purpose of entertainment and recreation, not church related.

I work about 18 hours a day as a homemaker and homeschooler.  I also assist my husband with many of his endeavors.  I go to Mass, have devotions, and also am active in the Resistance.  

Because of my lack of free time I have to work socializing into church activities and luckily the Resistance community in my town has developed friendships among ourselves.  My children get to play with several dozen others their ages for a few hours.  

The few women I know who have more time for social friendships either don't have children, don't homeschool, or have hired help or outsourced.  

I expect to be able to have more time with friends as my children get older.  I do look forward to that but I just can't do it today.  

I do not deny that I am selfish, and that is why I asked the question.  I want to do the right thing according to Church teaching and God's will here.  I know that I feel really really uncomfortable around many people and suffer with "small talk" and those folks who are loud and outspoken and like to fire questions at you, "Who are you?"  "Why do you do this or that?"  "And what about your kids ?"  Whatever.  It's a particular torment for me and I know that it's my temperament and I know that while some interaction is necessary ... involving myself with these people is torture.

This individual is not reaching out to me in need.  This individual is a pillar of the community, a member of many organizations, a mother of a large and highly educated family, highly educated herself, wife of a doctor ... She has many friends and associations.  I suspect she may see me as an opportunity to extend charity as well as to get another volunteer for her many clubs and activities.  

We're not in the same social class and are do not share background or interests with these people and many of the same at our parish.  

You don't sound like a very nice person to be around, if you are instantly assigning bad motive. Just be yourself, and I am sure everyone will leave you alone once they find out what you are really like. You'll probably offend, but it will get you more time alone. When you are old you can be alone too, because everyone will already have strong friendships in Christ that they have nurtured over time, there won't be room for you. You seem to have a one-sided, self-convenient view of friendship. If you don't bond with someone, that is one thing, but you said you don't want a social life period. That means you are probably going to keep finding fault with everyone in order to justify your behavior.

I hope the person involved doesn't have the misfortune of reading this thread.