Two of my ob's were women and they were monsters.  No empathy and they mocked me. The male was so much better. I despise female doctors.

Get a midwife? and try for a VBAC?

Midwives don’t do C-sections to my knowledge, and there is no doctor within 5 hours of me that would do a vbac after 3 sections. Even in metro areas, finding a doctor that would do that is rare.

What about an independent midwife who would be willing to do a VBAC? 

What about an independent midwife who would be willing to do a VBAC?

Midwives are really out of the question in my situation because of my history of hypertension in late pregnancy. They won’t take me. Even if I did miraculously find one, my husband would say no. He is done with v-bacs. 

I started off with a midwife with my first, but had a doctor picked out just in case. When my blood pressure went too high, I had to go to the hospital. I labored for over 40 hours and it ended up in an emergency C-section after the babies heart rate dropped dangerously low and would not recover between contractions. I had done my research on supportive doctors and I had a solid level of trust with this doctor. She knew I absolutely did not want a C-section and my resolve not to have one was well known. After the baby’s heart rate did not recover and continued to drop, the look in her eyes when she asked me to please consent to a C-section was one of almost desperation and fear. She was a mother of 4 herself, and it was a mother to mother moment. I know I made the right decision there. 

On my second pregnancy I went past 40 weeks so they induced me. Failure to progress is what they told me. I was scared and decided to follow the advice of my doctor. To this day I wonder if it was the right decision. I tend to think it wasn’t.  If I hadn’t had a previous C-section, I would have told her to leave me alone until 43 weeks. 
The third was a planned V-bac. I labored for 30 hours, failed to progress only to find out that the cord was wrapped around her neck. If I went much longer, she would have died. 

This is a very difficult subject for me. Somehow I feel like less of a mother for not being able to birth naturally EVER. Without medical intervention I don’t think I would have had live babies, and with the first I probably would have died. There is a lot of pressure and it’s all on me to do all of my own research, to find the best doctors, to make wise and informed decisions. Sure, husband is supportive but really and truly, the burden falls on me. I’ve tried the best I can. And here I am now, still trying the best I can, but still feel so much guilt. Bah! 

Try contacting Dr. Lantier (SSPX parishioner) and ask if he has any recommendations for the specialist that you need. Explain that you are a Catholic and the situation you are in. NOTE: you will most likely have to travel to wherever the specialist is, so you have to weigh the pros and cons of using the local specialist you have or travel.

Steven Lantier, M.D. - Surgery Center of Oklahoma (surgerycenterok.com)

Midwives are really out of the question in my situation because of my history of hypertension in late pregnancy. They won’t take me. Even if I did miraculously find one, my husband would say no. He is done with v-bacs.

I started off with a midwife with my first, but had a doctor picked out just in case. When my blood pressure went too high, I had to go to the hospital. I labored for over 40 hours and it ended up in an emergency C-section after the babies heart rate dropped dangerously low and would not recover between contractions. I had done my research on supportive doctors and I had a solid level of trust with this doctor. She knew I absolutely did not want a C-section and my resolve not to have one was well known. After the baby’s heart rate did not recover and continued to drop, the look in her eyes when she asked me to please consent to a C-section was one of almost desperation and fear. She was a mother of 4 herself, and it was a mother to mother moment. I know I made the right decision there.

On my second pregnancy I went past 40 weeks so they induced me. Failure to progress is what they told me. I was scared and decided to follow the advice of my doctor. To this day I wonder if it was the right decision. I tend to think it wasn’t.  If I hadn’t had a previous C-section, I would have told her to leave me alone until 43 weeks.
The third was a planned V-bac. I labored for 30 hours, failed to progress only to find out that the cord was wrapped around her neck. If I went much longer, she would have died.

This is a very difficult subject for me. Somehow I feel like less of a mother for not being able to birth naturally EVER. Without medical intervention I don’t think I would have had live babies, and with the first I probably would have died. There is a lot of pressure and it’s all on me to do all of my own research, to find the best doctors, to make wise and informed decisions. Sure, husband is supportive but really and truly, the burden falls on me. I’ve tried the best I can. And here I am now, still trying the best I can, but still feel so much guilt. Bah!

My wife can relate to many elements of your story -- high blood pressure towards end of pregnancy, going well past 40 weeks, induction, laboring a long time and ending up in C-section, having to do lots of research/finding doctors/make informed decisions.

I don’t believe I’ve signed anything about my husband being the only one to make the decisions. The specialist, because I’m on Medicaid, said that I have to have the paper signed for the tubal 30 days before delivery or he can’t do it, so that’s why that paperwork is being filled out so soon.

I have an appointment with my regular doctor and I will be talking to her about it. She is actually a friend of mine and has 5 kids, which is a comfort. She will be present at the surgery as far as I know. But I will definately talk to her about the docuмent you are taking about and make sure that it is made clear. Thankyou!

Thankyou for the reminder to pray. My husband reminds me of this as well. It is too easy to get wrapped up in anxieties.

The 30-day thing is only about them getting Medicaid pre-authorization to reimburse costs as a contingency. It's not that "he can't do it", meaning the delivery itself, if you don't sign the tubal release. So if you say flat out no to tubal ligation, then there's no need to get pre-authorization for that particular cost. Each line-item procedure gets two separate signatures from you, one for the procedure itself and one for permission to bill Medicaid. For that reason, it would help to have your husband sitting next to you so that Specialist Dude doesn't try to rush you through the signoffs.

The tubal part is completely optional and has no bearing on delivery except that it's convenient for them to do it in that moment while they have the woman on the operating table. (This was a dirty secret for many years in the past when doctors would insist on c-sections for poor women only to sneak in and do the tubals as population control.) More importantly, from a Catholic perspective, it's a form of purposeful contraception. (Pre-authorization for a hysterectomy would be different if you'd had a serious history of, say, placental malformation, though that could be a matter of first sorting it through with a priest.)

Good that your regular doctor is there for you, both medically and as a mom herself!