I need help with this challenging situation:

My DH is very very unmotivated to study the Faith and constantly asks me questions and often wants me to research it for him.   He is well into his middle age so it's not a problem of youth.  I'm also worried that he shows more interest in studying about heresies rather than learning what the Church teaches.  

His lack of knowledge is rudimentary--he doesn't know what the holy days are, when to fast/abstain, sacraments, etc.  

Being sweet didn't work.  Being direct didn't work.  I recommended the Baltimore Catechism but he said that was for children.  He spends a lot of time on Catholic forums so the problem isn't lack of time.  

What to do?????  Should I quit worrying about it?  It's embarrassing to me in front of the children because they know he's a bit spiritually dense.

Thanks for the help.

I want to clarify that my DH isn't on this forum so he won't see this post.

Thanks.

He is not just "slothful", he is dragging you and your kids to hellfire with his pride and vanity and selfishness. I am a man who is a convert. When I met a woman I thought I was going to get married to ( who was into religion) I converted to the traditional Catholic faith. Did not work out BUT the faith was then mine. I dont understand how he can love you and at the same time hate the foundation of your personality. Either he is playing some sort of game with you to challenge you over little things for the sake of it, or he only wants you for your body, and that is lust because you are an object to him and not a soul companion.

This is why the church teaches that we are not to marry persons who are not Catholics, and it is why when a partner holds to heresy it is justification for a divorce.

Would not take that crap if i was you.
But what do I know? I am single and want to join a monasterye.
This situation is so common now a days.

Stop correcting him, it's not your place, and it's detrimental for children to see it.

I have to deal with the 'Baltimore Catechism is for children' complaint too. You're not alone in this!

 :thinking:

“My brothers and sisters, you need to become witnesses with me to the resurrection of Jesus. In effect, if you do not become his witnesses in your daily lives, who will do so in your place?... We impose nothing, yet we propose ceaselessly, as Peter recommends in one of his Letters: “In your hearts, reverence Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to make a defence to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you” (1 Pet 3:15). 

quote=Guest]Thanks Mama.  But how do I handle my DH wanting me to always cue him for everything?  For instance, if I don't remind him to fast he says "But you didn't tell me" or if he doesn't observe a holy day "You didn't say anything" or when I GENTLY point out to him that democracy is condemned by the Church he gets upset and doesn't speak to me for 2 days?  

I tell him I don't want to be in charge of these things and I get lectures about not submitting to him in other areas (guess which ones).  It's maddening.[/quote]

Be honest. Tell him he's going to have to be responsible for his own salvation and that it is unfair of him to demand that you be responsible for him. Tell him that you'll do the best you can to help him. (I.e. a dry erase marker reminder to fast on the bathroom mirror isn't asking a whole lot.)

As far as his refusal to accept the rulings and condemnations of the Catholic Church, well again, faith is a grace. If he wants it, it's up to him to go get it for himself. But just as it isn't your business to do God's job, it isn't your business to do your husband's either. It sucks, but it is your husband's duty to accept what the Church teaches because it's the truth whether he or you or I like it or not. But that is clearly a lesson he will have to learn the hard way, and you're just going to have to let him learn it.

Having to step aside and pray is one of the most difficult things about being a Catholic.  But thankfully,  it is also amazingly effective!

Maybe it's me,..  I'm not getting all the hysterical reaction here or picking up on any abuse.  Not by Catholic standards.
We're trads and our marriages are not modern style and should certainly not be feminist leaning.  That poison in even a small dose will undermine the sanctity of marriage and family.

In an effort to fully understand your particular situation, let's dissect:

My DH is very very unmotivated to study the Faith and constantly asks me questions and often wants me to research it for him.  
So do it.  You are projecting that he is slothful and unmotivated.  There may be other reasons.  Have you asked him?  It may be as simple as that he sees you as holier than himself and respects your thoughts on spiritual issues.  Many husbands feel that way about their wives, it's a beautiful compliment.  He is depending upon you to help him for some reason, so do it.  

He is well into his middle age so it's not a problem of youth. I'm also worried that he shows more interest in studying about heresies rather than learning what the Church teaches.  
  I find that understanding heresy helps my faith.   We all have particular interests when studying Catholicism.   Don't pick on his, unless he starts acting heretical   :dancing-banana:


His lack of knowledge is rudimentary--he doesn't know what the holy days are, when to fast/abstain, sacraments, etc.
 God gave you to him for a reason... what  a tremendous opportunity for you to obtain grace, helping your husband to be a good Catholic.  Do you know how many wives would trade places with you?  To have  a husband who is at least trying?  Big deal, that he needs you to help him remember things.  Then HELP HIM.  KEEP HELPING HIM LOVINGLY.  

Being sweet didn't work. Being direct didn't work. I recommended the Baltimore Catechism but he said that was for children. He spends a lot of time on Catholic forums so the problem isn't lack of time.  
I detect an uncharitable attitude.  "Being sweet didn't work"... so you stopped being sweet?  Because he needs you to save his soul?  This is a burden for you?  I'm interested in how Our Lord will address this with you at judgement.  

What to do????? Should I quit worrying about it?
YES.  Good Heavens, yes.  Do your duty to your husband.  

It's embarrassing to me in front of the children because they know he's a bit spiritually dense.  
Embarrassing?  What should be embarrasssing to you is that your children are picking up on your attitude.  You are annoyed that he needs you to help him.     Why not include the children in his instruction?  When he asks you a question, if they are around, turn to one of them and say "John, your father is unsure of what day to fast this week.  Can you help him?"  Do it respectfully and lovingly at all times.  Do not betray impatience.  Laugh lovingly and hug him when you remind him for the 99th time that, yes, we fast on Friday, or whatever. It's all about your attitude and delivery.  God has chosen you to be with him and this is who he is.  If he is to change, God will handle it, but your duty is to serve your husband.
A critical element of serving your husband is to ensure your children respect him, so don't you dare convey your impatience or your attitude that your husband is "dense" to your children.  Talk about poison to the family!

I see this as a good opportunity for both of you.  Each morning, look at the calendar, the saint of the day, etc.   Hopefully you offer morning prayers together, if not then over breakfast you can tell him "Dearest, today is an ember day and we must fast and abstain, so this is what i"m preparing for dinner".    Or "Today is the feast of xxxx , a holyday of obligation.  What time would you like to leave for Mass?"  
You get the picture.
Dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror is a great idea, but too removed if it's done by itself.  As your husband, he needs your physical presence and gentle voice to remind him too.  Lots of hugs work well also.  

As far as "I get lectures about not submitting to him in other areas (guess which ones)".  Oh my.  No husband should have to complain about this.  It's a primary marriage responsibility for us.