Yes, there are a variety of people out there. Yes, those situation/circuмstances should line up more or less, at least in total points. Consider each potential spouse as having a score, with many points to be graded on: age, looks, intelligence, race, past, virtues, wealth, health, and dozens of others. Men are graded similarly. You get a total score. Now there are no hard and fast rules obviously, and no one gets out a calculator (because there are no number values for these things anyway). But in practice, this is how it happens every time.
You can even throw in complexities like "low self esteem" or "desperation" subtracts 100 points, making you seem less valuable than you are, making an otherwise great "catch" willing to settle way beneath their league, for some mysterious reason.
But in practice, people do this automatically without thinking. You have to give a little, get a little. Everyone brings certain things to the table. You want some kind of equity in marriage. If you bring good looks, virginity, and wealth to the table, you can expect to take away more than if you have less to offer. But which things do you want to compromise on? Age, height, weight, existing children, her past, etc.? Everyone is different, so you have to pick your poison. Do you want a homely virgin, or a more attractive woman with 2 kids and a past?
And yes, life isn't fair. Some men are given a better total score by birth. Such is life. Most men learn to live with this, just as most men accept their station in health, wealth, height, and many other things. Life isn't fair is one of the first things you learn in life. You quickly accept it and move on.
In short, you do want a marriage between persons of a similar "score", otherwise it's a recipe for future disaster. A marriage between 2 disparate scores is not normal, and very unstable in its foundation. Water seeks its own level. Nature has a normal way of operating. A rich, attractive man with no past and tons of virtue doesn't normally marry a homely disabled woman with a past. At least not for long he doesn't. Eventually he'll figure out his mistake, and unless he has heroic virtue, he's going to stray. Or, if he doesn't stray, he's certainly going to have 100% of the power in that marriage, which might be abused by the spouse who "married down". What is she going to do? She won the friggin lottery and she knows it. That kind of thing. And even if it doesn't lead to adultery or blackmail/abuse, there is 100% going to be resentment, as soon as one spouse figures out "he could have done better".
It should be obvious that it's going to be far more stable for a couple of comparable "total score" to marry.
That's the complexity of marriage and finding a suitable spouse. So the conclusion is, if you're eligible for marriage, go ahead and court whoever is single. Just make sure to never lie about anything. The question is, what will you have to "give up" compared to a 25 year old, healthy Catholic man who saved himself for marriage? Something of course, but most people don't get to choose "top shelf" anyhow. Like I said, that is life. How many of us have incredible health, stunning looks, six pack abs, a $500K yearly income, 6 foot 2", and a 200 IQ? Very few of us indeed.
Topic: Marrying Later in Life as a Convert (Read 521 times)