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Author Topic: Marrying in this day in age  (Read 4327 times)

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Änσnymσus

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Re: Marrying in this day in age
« Reply #30 on: April 28, 2017, 09:32:23 AM »
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  • Regarding what somebody said here on this thread, it is not true that it's impossible to find a devout Catholic spouse. There are many here on this site who seek out spouses. My own children who were seeking devout Catholic spouses found them, not without a long search, but they are there. They only need to be brought together. I remember a particular SSPX priest saying that we need to help to bring these people together. I don't know what he had in mind but there is certainly a need there, though not insurmountable.
    You bring up another good point -- devout Catholics exist, but they might not be a "10". You know, they won't make all your friends jealous. They don't look like magazine cover models.

    But I guess we all pick our poison, and choose our priorities.

    Personally, I'd make "solidity in the Faith" one's primary priority and deal-breaker.

    Remember the old song, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life." That song contains the common folk wisdom of the ages. Beautiful women will likely not treat you right, and will always be sought after by other men even after you are married. But if you marry a somewhat less than glamorous woman, she will be grateful for the love and attention and will be faithful forever.

    But it's not as simple as beautiful vs. ugly.

    The problem is the "pop culture ideal of beauty" which is promoted through worldly movies and pornography. While it's true that beauty is objective (not in the eye of the beholder), it's also true that priorities and "taste" has changed over the decades, which proves that those things are NOT objective. So the problem is not just that men want a beautiful wife, it's that they want a wife who The World in 2017 considers beautiful. The only reason for that can be PRIDE.

    I'm sure most women have a good feature or three, which you could focus on. Also, every man shouldn't have the same taste -- unless they all have the same upbringing (American movies, pornography, etc.)

    Men who are lacking in virtue are, by definition, going to be more or less slaves of LUST and PRIDE. These vices will command and warn them to "not settle for less" or else "you'll never get to be with a gorgeous woman, and you won't be able to live with yourself." This is obviously the devil talking. These men are pushed to desire a "10" so they can appear in photos and in public like an action movie hero posing with their supermodel wife hanging off them. It's the classic "trophy wife" syndrome.

    Last but not least, I want to address another delusion of the devil. Namely, that if a man marries less than a "10" he will be forever tormented (tempted to sins against the 6th and 9th) whenever he encounters a truly beautiful woman at work, public, the store, etc.

    This is RIDICULOUS because a man has to get used to telling himself "no" more often than not, regardless of his vocation or who he is married to. Let's run the math:

    Number of women a married man can lawfully be with: 1
    Number of women in the world: 3.5 billion

    I'd call that "more often than not" you have to check yourself, cut off your thoughts, tell yourself "no", etc.

    The vocation of a priest, religious, or single person is simply adding a "NO" for that last "1" woman in addition. So he has to be perfectly chaste with 3.5 billion women, instead of being perfectly chaste with 3,499,999,999 women like married men do. See my point?

    Chastity, continence, and purity are virtues required by ALL, not just the "poor saps who couldn't manage to get married".

    Archbishop Lefebvre called marriage "a school of chastity" or something to that effect.

    If you think otherwise, you're 3/4 of the way to mortal sin.

    -Matthew


    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #31 on: April 28, 2017, 11:23:48 AM »
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  • Correction:

    Take it from someone who married at almost 50 with a knockout Catholic wife half his age:

    Work to improve yourself in every respect in the faith, work, physically, culturally, etiquette..... and let God take care of finding your wife. That is what I did and he gave me much more than I could ever dream of. I never once worried about finding a wife, I was too busy learning new things every day. 

    If one chooses to remain as they are in every way and not learn from their mistakes, they will never find anyone but maybe someone who will tolerate their faults (sounds familiar?). People like that one day will die and only have had  a long life of never learning anything in life. 


    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #32 on: April 28, 2017, 11:28:24 AM »
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  • Correction:

    Take it from someone who married at almost 50 with a knockout Catholic wife half his age:

    Work to improve yourself in every respect in the faith, work, physically, culturally, etiquette..... and let God take care of finding your wife. That is what I did and he gave me much more than I could ever dream of. I never once worried about finding a wife, I was too busy learning new things every day.

    If one chooses to remain as they are in every way and not learn from their mistakes, they will never find anyone but maybe someone who will tolerate their faults (sounds familiar?). People like that one day will die and only have had  a long life of never learning anything in life.
    I was attending an SSPX chapel for 4 years with not a one young girl, mostly older people, and one day she showed up. 

    Offline Kephapaulos

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #33 on: April 28, 2017, 01:31:21 PM »
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  • You bring up another good point -- devout Catholics exist, but they might not be a "10". You know, they won't make all your friends jealous. They don't look like magazine cover models.

    But I guess we all pick our poison, and choose our priorities.

    Personally, I'd make "solidity in the Faith" one's primary priority and deal-breaker.

    Remember the old song, "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life." That song contains the common folk wisdom of the ages. Beautiful women will likely not treat you right, and will always be sought after by other men even after you are married. But if you marry a somewhat less than glamorous woman, she will be grateful for the love and attention and will be faithful forever.

    But it's not as simple as beautiful vs. ugly.

    The problem is the "pop culture ideal of beauty" which is promoted through worldly movies and pornography. While it's true that beauty is objective (not in the eye of the beholder), it's also true that priorities and "taste" has changed over the decades, which proves that those things are NOT objective. So the problem is not just that men want a beautiful wife, it's that they want a wife who The World in 2017 considers beautiful. The only reason for that can be PRIDE.

    I'm sure most women have a good feature or three, which you could focus on. Also, every man shouldn't have the same taste -- unless they all have the same upbringing (American movies, pornography, etc.)

    Men who are lacking in virtue are, by definition, going to be more or less slaves of LUST and PRIDE. These vices will command and warn them to "not settle for less" or else "you'll never get to be with a gorgeous woman, and you won't be able to live with yourself." This is obviously the devil talking. These men are pushed to desire a "10" so they can appear in photos and in public like an action movie hero posing with their supermodel wife hanging off them. It's the classic "trophy wife" syndrome.

    Last but not least, I want to address another delusion of the devil. Namely, that if a man marries less than a "10" he will be forever tormented (tempted to sins against the 6th and 9th) whenever he encounters a truly beautiful woman at work, public, the store, etc.

    This is RIDICULOUS because a man has to get used to telling himself "no" more often than not, regardless of his vocation or who he is married to. Let's run the math:

    Number of women a married man can lawfully be with: 1
    Number of women in the world: 3.5 billion

    I'd call that "more often than not" you have to check yourself, cut off your thoughts, tell yourself "no", etc.

    The vocation of a priest, religious, or single person is simply adding a "NO" for that last "1" woman in addition. So he has to be perfectly chaste with 3.5 billion women, instead of being perfectly chaste with 3,499,999,999 women like married men do. See my point?

    Chastity, continence, and purity are virtues required by ALL, not just the "poor saps who couldn't manage to get married".

    Archbishop Lefebvre called marriage "a school of chastity" or something to that effect.

    If you think otherwise, you're 3/4 of the way to mortal sin.

    -Matthew
    I think it could bring more temptation for a man if his wife is a 10 because he might fail to see her as his wife and be too tempted and distracted by her physical beauty due to selfish lust and pleasure. Of course, like any man, I am attracted to a 10, but would I really be loving the person herself? Looks fade away, and death will eventually come to the body. 
    Personally, I do find women attractive below 10 or between 5 and 10, but what attracts me most is who and how they are. Often sadly, a lot of good looking young women have an attitude or lack of maturity. That is not always the case though. Everyone is different. Sure, attractiveness has an importance, but it is minor compared to the Catholic faith and other factors. I am more attractive to women then who are indeed serious about the Catholic faith, actually think intelligently, and are still docile in their demeanor. 
    Recently, I talked at my work with a woman in her twenties who is married and expecting her first child, and we were able to have a genuine, intelligent, respectful, and mature conversation. Her husband is a lucky man. In spite of being in the Novus Ordo, she actually thinks and understands many things going on in the world today. Womem like AMDGJMJ, who gave me a good encouragement (thank you) and the lady just talked about give me hope that there are good women out there. 
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline Kephapaulos

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #34 on: April 28, 2017, 02:56:20 PM »
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  • I was attending an SSPX chapel for 4 years with not a one young girl, mostly older people, and one day she showed up.
    Thank you. That gives me hope.
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)


    Offline Kephapaulos

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #35 on: April 28, 2017, 02:57:08 PM »
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  • Correction:

    Take it from someone who married at almost 50 with a knockout Catholic wife half his age:

    Work to improve yourself in every respect in the faith, work, physically, culturally, etiquette..... and let God take care of finding your wife. That is what I did and he gave me much more than I could ever dream of. I never once worried about finding a wife, I was too busy learning new things every day.

    If one chooses to remain as they are in every way and not learn from their mistakes, they will never find anyone but maybe someone who will tolerate their faults (sounds familiar?). People like that one day will die and only have had  a long life of never learning anything in life.
    Thank you too.
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #36 on: April 28, 2017, 08:42:46 PM »
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  • Matthew!  Well said! :applause: (I can't seem to like any of your posts in this thread because they are anonymous on the heading... :-[)


    You are welcome, Kephapaulos!  I am glad to offer what encouragement I can!  Keep fighting the good fight and try to keep in mind what Padre Pio would say, "Pray, hope and don't worry.  Worry is useless."   :)   (Oh, and an amazing book which you definitely should read if you have not already read it is: Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence by Blessed Claude de Colombiere:  [url=https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0895552167/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0895552167&linkCode=as2&tag=httpwwwchanco-20 />
    [url=https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0895552167/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0895552167&linkCode=as2&tag=httpwwwchanco-20
    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #37 on: April 29, 2017, 11:19:17 PM »
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  • Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #38 on: April 29, 2017, 11:22:13 PM »
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  • 24th Session of the Council of Trent:
    Quote from: Canon X.
    If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony: let him be anathema.

    Offline Kephapaulos

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #39 on: May 01, 2017, 03:29:04 PM »
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  • Please pray for me that I chose rightly according to God's will...  You in turn shall be in my prayers...   :)
    Thank you! I will pray for you indeed! :)
    I bump this thread up as well since it is related to the thread on spouses and work that I started. 
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #40 on: May 02, 2017, 06:33:04 AM »
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  • Thank you! I will pray for you indeed! :)
    I bump this thread up as well since it is related to the thread on spouses and work that I started.
    Great!  Thanks!   :)
    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/


    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #41 on: May 10, 2017, 02:35:54 AM »
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  • Call me a cynic, but the older I get, the more thankful I am for having never married.  

    A good friend of mine married a non-practicing Protestant.  He kept the promise to have all the children God sent, and didn't prevent the rest of his large family from hearing Mass, receiving the Sacraments, and learning the catechism.  Every last one of the children dropped the Faith as soon as they turned 18, despite attendance at a traditional chapel and school. The numerous grandchildren are illegitimate with only three baptized.  Dad stayed home on Sundays and watched porn.  

    In my 50+ years in this world, I have never been to a wedding, traditional Catholic or otherwise, that did not end in divorce or disaster.  
    Pray, but there's nothing else to be done without losing your soul.  

    In the words of Bishop Williamson, "The problem is insoluble." [E.C. 510]  All you can do is to remain a faithful Catholic.  Saving your own soul takes priority over those of your spouse and children.  

    "Wipe the dust off your shoes," and ask Our Lady to show you what to do with the remainder of your life.  
    Is the dad who stayed home on Sundays and watched porn the same person (non-practicing Protestant) who your friend married? Why did she decide to marry him? Is your friend sad that all her children dropped the Faith? 

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #42 on: May 10, 2017, 07:33:39 PM »
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  • Is the dad who stayed home on Sundays and watched porn the same person (non-practicing Protestant) who your friend married? Why did she decide to marry him? Is your friend sad that all her children dropped the Faith?
    Yes, he's the guy.  Why did she marry him?  Probably to get away from an abusive step-mother who played pious in public but treated her husband's children like slaves.  He was similarly deceptive, seeming easy-going and hospitable to outsiders, but a lazy, selfish man at home.  My friend had nobody to guide her in selecting a suitable spouse.  By then it was too late.  Yes, of course she's highly distressed that her kids have left the faith.  Now a widow, she hears Mass everyday and prays for her children, their invalid marriages/partners, and grandchildren.  

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #43 on: May 10, 2017, 08:13:32 PM »
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  • Yes, he's the guy.  Why did she marry him?  Probably to get away from an abusive step-mother who played pious in public but treated her husband's children like slaves.  He was similarly deceptive, seeming easy-going and hospitable to outsiders, but a lazy, selfish man at home.  My friend had nobody to guide her in selecting a suitable spouse.  By then it was too late.  Yes, of course she's highly distressed that her kids have left the faith.  Now a widow, she hears Mass everyday and prays for her children, their invalid marriages/partners, and grandchildren.  
    Did she tell her husband to stop watching porn and that it was a mortal sin? Does she pray for her departed husband or assume that he is in hell? 
    How are her children's marriage partners invalid? 
    Are any of her daughters single mothers where the father left after getting the her daughter pregnant?
    Or are any of her sons someone who got someone pregnant then left the mother and child?

    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Marrying in this day in age
    « Reply #44 on: May 10, 2017, 10:05:09 PM »
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  • Did she tell her husband to stop watching porn and that it was a mortal sin? Does she pray for her departed husband or assume that he is in hell?
    How are her children's marriage partners invalid?
    Are any of her daughters single mothers where the father left after getting the her daughter pregnant?
    Or are any of her sons someone who got someone pregnant then left the mother and child?
    Oh, go away!
    Help of Christians, guard our land from assault or inward stain,
    Let it be what God has planned, His new Eden where You reign.