OP here.

Father Chad Ripperger sermon on "Problem with Self" -




This is my problem. I haven't wanted to obey H because he doesn't do things the way I think he should.  He focuses on outward things.  He's worldly.  He doesn't take command of situations.  

But I since I know that God has me where He intends for me to be, I've had to look further and now I'm realizing that it would have been "easier" for me to follow a H that was strong and decisive and commanding, because the repercussions of not following would be apparent to all.  My H on the other hand, leaves a lot up to me.  He doesn't insist.  He doesn't require.  His way of being forces me to realize that I have to swallow a lot of pride about how things "should" be done and do them the way he wants to.

For example: I 'have' to have time in the morning to read and pray and exercise.  If I don't do this, well there are multiple things that "go wrong" with me if I can't get this accomplished.  But H stays in bed several hours past the time that I do and if he had his druthers, I'd stay in bed that late as well.

I know from experience that my H is one of those "if you give an inch, they'll take a mile" types.  So I am in a constant state of vigilance to prevent him from requesting more of me than I am willing to give.  

I know the "answer" is to just do what I know he wants.  But it's a huge conflict with me, and I guess Fr. Ripperger would say it's my selfishness that's keeping me from "obeying" my H in this and other areas.

I guess my big fear is that if I started to obey H in all areas, our lives would be chaotic and in shambles, if I wasn't keeping everything in order. Maybe H would quit his job and sit around all day picking his guitar and taking naps and hanging out with his friends while the bills went unpaid!

I mean, it's that kind of underlying fear that I think drives all this.  And I know this is just my side of things.  But I've known my H for 3 decades and I know the things he thinks and values and I know that he's one of those types that would just love to invent something that would make him a millionaire so he'd never have to work again .. or to win the lottery ...

and that scares me.

So this is just an update ... the verdict: it's me, not him.  It's pride and selfishness and fear all rolled up in one.  

Thanks again for your replies.

One thing that really resounded with me, is something (ironically) that my husband told me before we got married, after a meeting with our priest. He said something along the lines of this, "I know that I won't be perfect, that I will mess up and I will make many wrong decisions, and I realize that it will be difficult for you to follow and obey me at times. But it times like those, please remember that ultimately, it's God that you must place your trust in, not me. God made an order in the family- in times that I am being bad or unreasonable, think of yourself as especially obeying God and hopefully that will make it easier for you."

Basically what he was saying is that, for me to obey him even when he's wrong or unreasonable, while not ideal, is still better than stepping outside of the natural order and rebelling against him. He didn't say this to be mean or domineering, but in humility, as he knew that there were going to be times that he was wrong, and he wanted to have the bases covered for those times. I agree with him that the lesser of the two evils is to deal with him in obedience and humility all the time, as long as it doesn't jeopardize anyone's soul. To rebel against him, or to argue, be snappy, or to nag incessantly would produce a far more bleak outcome. It's the big picture.

I think that this advice would be much more difficult for you than for me, as my husband (praise be to God) is a strong, devout Catholic who tries his best to do God's will every day. I am SO incredibly thankful for him!

In like manner, I as a wife will mess up and do things that I'm not suppose to, and in times that I am difficult or unreasonable, he is better off to do as Sacred Scripture tells us, and that is to be patient, kind and loving with me. For this will win me over quickly, and produce the outcome he wishes.  

The second sounds crazy to me, but seems to be what the OP is suggesting??

This is what I inferred.  One example, she mentioned a few times that he likes to stay in bed late but she must attend to duties and rises earlier.  He would prefer she laze about with him.  The OP to her credit is aware that she is the one who brings order to the home and he is chaotic.

A wife provides an orderly home sometimes with the challenge of a disorderly husband but to participate in his lack of discipline in the name of obedience just seems totally illogical.  At this point it may be better to speak to a good priest about this, hopefully one who knows them both.