To make this relatively brief, I'm a young single woman and I'm feeling some concern over what to do in this situation. I have a male friend, a very devout traditional Catholic. We have been friends for a long while, and (1) I'm starting to notice that I am developing feelings for him. We're both eligible to court should that be something we wish to do. He is a very good man and would make a wonderful husband and father.
I have two problems regarding this. (2) First, I do not know if he feels the same way about me. I feel like he might, but I have nothing really concrete to prove it. And I am very shy about this so I really don't want, or know how, to ask, or if that is even appropriate.
Second. (3) I was rather sheltered growing up, but not in a proper Catholic family, so I have no guidance about such things and have no traditional Catholics around to really ask. Additionally, my family is, I am almost certain, (4) going to have a cow if they find out that I am interested in someone. I don't want to have a career, I want to have a Catholic family of my own. I still live with my parents so I don't know how to handle something like that. But I could be really getting ahead of myself, he might not even be interested.
I am not a minor, just to be clear.
I would welcome any advice as well as prayers for my situation. It has been troubling me for a long time. Thank you.
I'll throw in my 2 cents, coming from a guy whose dated both younger and older women...while being undecided if I should have gone into the priesthood.
(1a)I can't speak for him, but for me, it's a look in the eyes. Regrettably, I've hurt some women I've dated in the past because, in essence I was leading them on (even though at the time it didn't hit home). I know, a typical 'jerk.' Point being, 'is he interested in you?': a.)on a physical attraction plane?, b.)enough to want to pursue a romantic 'courtship?'
(1b)another thought, is to 'enjoy the moment,' and time spent with him; and be accepting of whatever happens (whether it be romantic or not). The principle in play, is: a.)God's will, above all (even His permissible); b.)and if you want to manipulate God's permissible will then I would advise much prayer for what you want, but accepting His Will. c.)not trusting your feelings
(1c)there's been quite of few women I've gone out with that I've had guy friends tell me were 'hot' or 'attractive' and I was stupid if not insane for not pursuing them further....later I found I had nothing in common with them. A waste of both of our times (essentially an attractive Modernist female who doesn't believe in following the Commandments...) Point I'm making is that I had trusted myself wrongly in going after a female that after I had won her affections, I later regretted (so maybe he's not the one for you,
in the long run).
(2a)You would have known by now if he was romantically interested. There are the few that are impossible to read (he might be the type!). Which leads to, if he is???? Then what is his hangup??? (does he have somebody else??? or some lack of instinctive masculinity to go after what he wants???)
(2b)here too, much prayer to the Holy Ghost for discernment. We think we know people when in reality we don't have a clue. Even over a time variable, we're still a mystery to even those close to us.
(3a)awareness that you
might be interpreting your interactions with him to how you want to see them; and not as they are.
(3b)just don't want you to succuмb to confusion or chaos if you suddenly find yourself disappointed...leading to reactive and emotional responses that will sour a good friendship with him.
(3c)through your intellect, don't be afraid to engage your reason (simply refuse to believe that it is a man's domain only) to come to a strategy to deal with the changes going on within yourself; ----- but only to exploit them in a rational manner so that you win in the long run.
(4a)If you're sheltered with people around you who don't have a clue or don't care....; then consider yourself behind the proverbial eightball and not surprised if you find yourself with little options in wanting a traditional role (stay at home mom). Which means to me, that you've got to pray like a 'mo-fo' and have exceptional virtue + be extremely close to the Blessed Virgin Mary and do everything in your power never to offend her Son,...knowing that will offend her.
(4b)Then when opportunity presents itself, be ready to take advantage of it without guilt; nor care what anybody else thinks (even if it be your parents...if be God's will). In other words, when opportunity knocks at your door; don't complain about the noise