Author Topic: Marriage conflict (Read 1716 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** December 20, 2016, 04:37:57 PM »

My husband just got a promotion that would require him to move to England. Problem is he wants me to come too. I don't want to leave behind family and friends here.i feel I have to resist him. I just don't want to move to another country.

Matthew · « **Reply #1 on:** December 20, 2016, 05:10:15 PM »

What did Ruth say to Noemi?

Book Of Ruth
Chapter 1

[16] She answered: Be not against me, to desire that I should leave thee and depart: for whithersoever thou shalt go, I will go: and where thou shalt dwell, I also will dwell. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. [17] The land that shall receive thee dying, in the same will I die: and there will I be buried.

There are many good examples of female devotion in the New Testament as well, in the lives of the Saints. St. Margaret Clitherow, for example, who was martyred in the anti-Catholic persecutions in England.

Anyhow, your husband is not Bishop Fellay, whom you must "resist". On the contrary!

I'm going to pull something right out of Fr. Zendejas' teaching and sermons here:

In the Garden of Eden, men received 1 punishment: they would have to work.
Women received 2 punishments, since Eve disobeyed first and convinced Adam.
Her punishments are: childbearing, and she would have to obey her husband.

Scripture (St. Paul) even says: women shall be saved by childbearing. And note that he also says, "Husbands, love your wives -- Wives, obey your husbands."

Fr. Zendejas continues: Adam was the one ultimately responsible for what happened, since he was the one in authority. Also, St. Thomas Aquinas teaches that Original Sin is transmitted through the man.

TKGS · « **Reply #2 on:** December 20, 2016, 07:10:30 PM »

The family that you must not leave behind is your husband and children (if and when they come). You can make new friends and you can also keep your old friends and write to them often. Frankly, if you are more concerned with missing your friends than missing your husband, it doesn't sound like they are very good friends anyway.

poche · « **Reply #3 on:** December 21, 2016, 12:09:34 AM »

I say that if you do not go with your husband in the long run you will find out that you made a big mistake.

Nadir · « **Reply #4 on:** December 21, 2016, 01:55:52 AM »

Your first priority here is your husband. You married him for better or for worse. You might need to grow up. Supporting your husband in this promotion in England may just assist in that. Marriage is not a commitment to your family and friends, but to your husband.

AMDGJMJ · « **Reply #5 on:** December 21, 2016, 07:59:34 AM »

Quote from: Guest

My husband just got a promotion that would require him to move to England. Problem is he wants me to come too. I don't want to leave behind family and friends here.i feel I have to resist him. I just don't want to move to another country.

I know a number of people who spouses came from different countries, and they have never regretted moving. It can be tough being in another country, but at least they still speak English.

Wives owe obedience, submission, and support to their husbands. If your husband wants to move to England, you should not fight him. It is a common saying of the saints that if you wish to make it to heaven you must, "Do the will of another rather than thy own."

Your idea of resisting him is most likely a temptation from the devil. Once a couple are married, that is the end. You must stick with your husband and support him. He surely loves you and wishes the best for you. Just try to see things from his side. :-)

You shall be in my prayers. Please keep us posted!

Matthew · « **Reply #6 on:** December 21, 2016, 08:15:57 AM »

Another point:

When you got engaged, I bet your husband-to-be wasn't a plumber, construction worker (or other kind of tradesman), a bank teller, realtor, etc. -- nor was he a man with a work-from-home job like software developer, graphic artist, sound engineer, professional blogger, freelance video editor, etc.

In other words, a job that would always be done within the bounds of your local city and/or your home.

If your husband worked for a global corporation (with offices outside the United States) or was in the military, you should have considered this possibility a LONG time ago.

Men who work on commission (various kinds of sales) often have to travel a lot as well.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #7 on:** December 21, 2016, 12:57:16 PM »

Quote from: Guest

My husband just got a promotion that would require him to move to England. Problem is he wants me to come too.

I think it would be a bigger problem if the husband didn't want to take you.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** December 21, 2016, 01:42:56 PM »

Go with your husband.

Nadir · « **Reply #9 on:** December 21, 2016, 02:13:45 PM »

Don't forget to thank God for this wonderful opportunity for your husband and for you.

Geremia · « **Reply #10 on:** December 21, 2016, 03:20:00 PM »

Didn't St. Mary go with St. Joseph to Egypt? She didn't even question St. Joseph's reasons; she did not even know because the angel only told St. Joseph to flee to Egypt.

The flight into Egypt is one of the Seven Sorrows of Our Blessed Virgin Mother.

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** December 21, 2016, 03:24:22 PM »

Quote from: Nadir

Don't forget to thank God for this wonderful opportunity for your husband and for you.

Another good point.

Only a good/well-paying career-type job would be able to CONSIDER transferring your husband to England. Usually asking a man to uproot his family and leave his nation of origin = big promotion.

People don't move hundreds of miles, across borders, let alone across the ocean, for a minimum-wage or entry-level job paying $25K or $30K a year.

And don't let the government propaganda fool you. The official "unemployment rate" might be at 4.6%, but that's only the number of people receiving unemployment benefits. If an individual hasn't been on an interview for more than 4 weeks, or he has given up, he "drops out" and isn't counted anymore.

And the fact is that there haven't been so many able-bodied men and women of working age out of the workforce since the 1970's. And please note: the population of the United States is MUCH HIGHER than in 1975. So why is our workforce the same size or smaller than it was back then? That's horrible.

That is the REAL measure of unemployment.

Just to take ONE example: one of my relatives' families (3 people total) has 2 1/2 people out of the work force. The woman in her sixties and the woman in her thirties are unemployed. They don't even make $50/year from hobbies. We're talking $0 a year. The man in his twenties has a minimum wage part-time job. They are living on food stamps and the older woman's social security. How many does the government add to the Number of Unemployed from this family? ZERO.

My point is:
There are plenty of men who don't have work, or who don't have a GOOD, family-supporting full time job with benefits. Be thankful to God that your husband is so blessed with gainful employment!

songbird · « **Reply #12 on:** December 21, 2016, 05:57:07 PM »

I was a military wife. And retired now. But as a family, I just told myself, anywhere we go, it will be an adventure. If you go with a attitude that is other than that, it rubs off onto the family and they too, will join you. The husband certainly does not need it. He needs that someone behind him, supporting him.

Also, you just may have family or friends who may want to come visit and when they do, they will hope that you will know the best Church (catholic) and the best cathedrals and castles that give so much history. And not to mention the food!

When you take the oral driving test, be sure to read it well. If you don't the test is nothing like american. The test questions are set up to have an american fail, for not reading. You want to past the first time.

I saw military wives who would purposely not pass the drivers test. They would pout for home and such. If they could only see themselves and what they were missing.

Be sure to look for the good and enjoy! If you don't you may come to regret what you could have had. Look for the history of Catholicism. That was my joy! And our children enjoyed and it was such a learning experience.

Nadir · « **Reply #13 on:** December 21, 2016, 06:11:06 PM »

Excellent advice, Songbird!

Songbird said:

Quote

Look for the history of Catholicism. That was my joy!

There is nothing more wonderful than the Catholic history of England.

OP, whereabouts in England will you be?

poche · « **Reply #14 on:** December 22, 2016, 01:13:52 AM »

Just as we pray for vocations to the priesthood and the religious life it should be recognized that you have a vocation to the married state. That means that your husband is your vocation. I think if your husband wants you to be with him in England then you would be unfaithful to your vocation to not go with him.

Author Topic: Marriage conflict (Read 1716 times)

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