Author Topic: Little Boys and Dolls (Read 2211 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** June 23, 2014, 02:43:27 PM »

When my daughter was expecting her first child, I began collecting stuffed animals and things for a nursery. The usual stuff, teddys and various things. I came upon a rag doll that was from one of the kid's favorite childhood shows. I thought it would be a nice surprise to pull out if the baby were a girl. It was mixed in with all the others waiting for the new arrival. Well, the baby was a boy. And out of all the toys he might have become attached to, he chose that one. Personally I think it happened because it had dark hair, and everyone around is blonde except for his father who has dark hair, and the child has a huge bond with his father. Anyway, we put some different clothes on the doll to make it look a bit more boy-ish. Well, none of my own kids had an attachment to a blanket or toy as some kids do. But my grandson is so attached to the doll that he carries it everywhere, can't sleep without it, panics if it is left behind and must be retrieved. I admit that we are now on doll #4, because it gets worn out and embarrassingly filthy. (We found identical replacements on ebay and exchanged them while he was asleep!)

The boy is 4 1/2 now.

What to do? Strip him of the doll and hope the meltdowns end in a few days?

Let him keep it till he outgrows it on his own?

Is this going to make him 'weird' or something? Or will he just outgrow it soon and put the doll up on the shelf to pursue more boy-ish things?

Should we take him to a child psychologist for advice? (I am against this idea. I think shrinks are dangerous, especially for children)

Advice? And don't say he's gαy! 4 yr olds are not gαy!

Dolores · « **Reply #1 on:** June 23, 2014, 03:11:36 PM »

I think you are overreacting. He's likely attached to it in the same way that other children get attached to a blanket or a teddy bear; it's a comfort object. The fact that it is a doll intended for girls is most likely irrelevant.

He'll grow out of it eventually, but he may need some prodding from his parents. There is no need to shock him and take it away all at once. Perhaps start by saying that he can't take it out of the house. Then move on to saying he can't take it out of his room. Continue gradually limiting access, and eventually he will rid himself of it.

In any event, and with all respect, this is a decision for his parents, not you. You can offer advice, certainly, but don't take any unilateral action.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #2 on:** June 23, 2014, 03:21:35 PM »

Quote from: Guest

And don't say he's gαy! 4 yr olds are not gαy!

True enough, but they can certainly be conditioned to be so if surrounded by the “right” environment. No offense, but he sounds rather spoiled - intentionally or not.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #3 on:** June 23, 2014, 04:42:17 PM »

IMO intervention is needed. It needs to be lost. All of these times it has already been lost and replaced. He will get over it, and really at 4 1/2 it is lame. And I am very supportive of transitional objects, blankies and so forth.

Doll number 4....he is not your boy, but I advise you to stop buying these on eBay or anywhere. I'm sure it's awful because you don't dare mention what doll it is, and I'm suspecting Dora the Explorer, which is making me nervous!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #4 on:** June 23, 2014, 04:45:45 PM »

Boys must be encouraged to play with boy toys and correct feminine inclinations, if present. The same applies to girls. They must play with girl toys and correct masculine behaviors if present. Toys and environment are important.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #5 on:** June 23, 2014, 04:58:24 PM »

He will probably outgrow it soon if he is going on age 5. Hasn't he a little female relative or friend to whom he can give it as a gift---dressed as intended! Children DO attach to certain toys or objects. It is a normal stage of development that has to do with permanence and security as they increasingly explore new territory on their own. It has nothing to do with sɛҳuąƖ development. A nephew of mine refused to sleep without a certain "blankie" and, of all things, a brown rubber doorstop! He turns 15 tomorrow and has NOT turned into a doormat! He gets as big a laugh out of it as everyone else. His mother saved the blankie, but the doorstop is long gone! Best thing to do is minimise the doll and allow him to move on to other interests.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** June 23, 2014, 05:03:51 PM »

It should be slowly replaced without his noticng you are replacing it. 4.5 yrs , one should be asking why there is such an insecurity in the child, and address it from there.

ggreg · « **Reply #7 on:** June 23, 2014, 05:13:52 PM »

Buy him this.

And have the new doll fight it out with the old.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** June 23, 2014, 05:57:00 PM »

Thanks to my sister and her knack for giving away noisy toys, our children have had quite a few of them "accidentally" end up in the Dumpster over the years.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #9 on:** June 23, 2014, 06:53:07 PM »

My son latched on to a soft, stuffed pink baby doll that someone gave his newborn sister. He was two years old. My husband was concerned and I didn't make a big deal out of it, but did not let him take it out with us. He just wanted it when he took a nap. When he was about 4, he came down from his nap without it. I asked him where 'baby dolly' was and he said, "I took all of her fluff out". Sure enough, there was a small hole in the doll and he had spent his nap time pulling out all of her stuffing and there she was pathetic and flat on the floor next to a pile of fluff. We threw it away and that was the end of it. That boy is all grown up now and he laughs when we tell the story. Not an ounce of pansy in him. Dotes on his baby brother, though :)

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #10 on:** June 23, 2014, 06:59:03 PM »

Quote from: ggreg

Buy him this.

And have the new doll fight it out with the old.

Oddly enough, I began typing what type of intervention I thought would work...it involved a major shoot out and disfiguring loss, but I was afraid it might scandalize the more sensitive types.

Still, that 4th girl doll has got to go.

Tiffany · « **Reply #11 on:** June 23, 2014, 06:59:51 PM »

I would just let him outgrow it, soon he will be on the dino hothweels lego track.

Nadir · « **Reply #12 on:** June 23, 2014, 07:15:39 PM »

Are his parents concerned as you are? One day he'll wake up and say to himself, this stuff is for girls, and that will be the end of it.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #13 on:** June 23, 2014, 07:58:31 PM »

I am the OP- I understand that it is primary his parents' decision about what to do about it. (I keep him most days while they work, so Grandma's house is his second home. He even has his own room here.) They are a bit concerned, as am I, but we have been hoping the situation would resolve itself. I wouldn't do anything without their permission anyway.

No, it's not Dora, it's Molly from Big Comfy Couch, if that matters. At least it's not Raggedy Ann.

We have tried giving him substitutes, but they are a 'no go.' He will play with them for a bit, but it isn't long before the doll is sought out. He will incorporate her in play with other toys, reminiscent of Calvin and Hobbs.

Nadir · « **Reply #14 on:** June 24, 2014, 12:00:07 AM »

Is he an only child, or does he have brothers and sisters?

Author Topic: Little Boys and Dolls (Read 2211 times)

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