Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:

   1.   If you refine heroin for a living,
 but you have a moral objection to liquor,
 You may be a Muslim.

 2.   If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a
 $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes,
 You may be a Muslim.

 3.   If you have more wives than teeth,
 You may be a Muslim.

 4.   If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but
 consider bacon to be unclean,
 You may be a Muslim.

 5.   If you think vests come in two styles:  Bullet-proof and ѕυιcιdє.
 You may be a Muslim.

 6.   If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against,
 You may be a Muslim.

 7.   If you consider television dangerous but routinely
 carry explosives in your clothing,
 You may be a Muslim.

 8.   If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other
 than setting off roadside bombs,
 You may be a Muslim.

 9.   If you have nothing agains women and think every man
 should own at least four,
 You may be a Muslim.

Why was this posted anonymously?

Is it because the OP is afraid of reprisal by enraged Mohammedans?

Or is it because the OP is afraid to attach his or her name to such frivolous American pop culture stupidity on a Traditional Catholic forum?

If there's a third option, by all means, elucidate.

PS - For whatever this fact is worth, this list is not the work of Jeff Foxworthy. It's an old mass email hoax dating back to 2007, falsely claiming Foxworthy as its author in order to gain readers under false pretenses.

Here it is, 2015 and still making the rounds, so obviously the lie works.