Author Topic: Infertile Couples (Read 3828 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** October 21, 2013, 11:39:19 AM »

Is there anyone out there who is married, but unable to conceive children? Perhaps you know someone.

How do you deal with it? Do you believe you have offended God somehow, and this is His punishment?

How do you deal with gossiping parishioners who suggest that you and your spouse are using contraception?

parentsfortruth · « **Reply #1 on:** October 21, 2013, 12:57:14 PM »

I know that the gentleman responsible for Saint Michael's Church in De Pere, WI, and his wife, were sterile, and had used adoption as an alternative. They were very well off, as that man was a genius, having invented things that are still being used today. They wanted many children, but that wasn't in God's plan. That gentleman also put many men through seminary, but sadly, it was during the revolt in the Church, so many of them unwittingly became Novus Ordo priests, much to the dismay of the benefactor.

They coped with it by assisting families, putting men through seminary, and providing land on which a church would be placed, becoming the second oldest independent traditional Catholic church in the United States. (Sadly, it is now under the grip of the neo-SSPX.) :sad:

What do you do about gossipers? You ignore what they say, and you pray for them. They have to be accountable to God for their detraction, not you. This tactic of gossip is an insipid one... a tool of the devil, to drag souls to hell.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #2 on:** October 21, 2013, 01:29:49 PM »

We've been unable for 5 years to conceive but we already have several children. I don't know if others think we are limiting our family size. We've tried herbal supplements, charting, signs, etc. Nada. It's upsetting because we are surrounded by huge families and God bless them!

I'm not sure why this has happened but God allows it for some reason. Adoption is out because of the cost and we have no desire to go through the legal system nightmare.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #3 on:** October 21, 2013, 02:08:39 PM »

It could be a punishment, but I think it's more likely to be a blessing as an opportunity to sacrifice for Our Lord, as any other cross is. He only wants what is best for us.

I have never dealt with any problems as far as fellow parishioners being openly judgmental like that, but I imagine that would be tough.

The Chaplet of St. Anne has helped me feel more peaceful and patient (although I till have a long way to go on that front).

Frances · « **Reply #4 on:** October 21, 2013, 02:53:59 PM »

If a couple has no children, then look into adoption or get involved with helping children in some other capacity. Maybe God's plan is for them to do something else. Only in cases of unconfessed sin is it likely sterility is a punishment. Certainly, physical causes should be investigated and remedied, if possible.
As for gossip, pray for the people and forget it. Or if it is extreme, and you know who is the culprit, the person must be confronted and given opportunity to repent. Most people will stop when their identities become known. It is usually an exercise in futility trying to defend against rmors of this sort, and often, the problem gets worse.
To the couple with five children, don't give up. A family I know had four children, then none for eight years, then had six more including identical twin girls. The older children proved their value in helping to care for the younger, including the eldest, a girl, who took over the homeschooling.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #5 on:** October 21, 2013, 04:34:09 PM »

Quote from: Guest

We've tried herbal supplements, charting, signs, etc. Nada.

NaPro, too?

Quote from: Guest

I'm not sure why this has happened but God allows it for some reason. Adoption is out because of the cost and we have no desire to go through the legal system nightmare.

My wife and I were in the foster-to-adopt program, which is certainly the cheapest way to potentially adopt, but CPS falsely alleged us of physical abuse and now forbids us from fostering or adopting anyone younger than 10 years old…

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** October 21, 2013, 04:55:46 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Is there anyone out there who is married, but unable to conceive children?

Yes, my wife and I.

Quote from: Guest

How do you deal with it?

We tried to adopt via foster caring, but that didn't and won't work out (see my other post here regarding CPS etc.). My wife is really struggling with adoption loss now. Please pray for her.

Quote from: Guest

Do you believe you have offended God somehow, and this is His punishment?

I often think I have offended Him by choosing the wrong vocation, yes. Nevertheless, God has something different in store for me.

The biggest struggle for me is struggling with regrets of having married, because I wanted my wife pregnant on our wedding night (almost 4 years ago). Don't get me wrong; I love my wife dearly, but almost daily I think: "I was (or my wife and I both were) not called to the married state." But, really, that's pride; God knows what's best for us right now, and obviously having children isn't part of that (at least, perhaps, not yet). The future has enough evil in itself, so let's just worry about the evil of today.

Thank God you can contemplate Him in peace in a childless home; honestly, although children are blessings, for a spouse to contemplate Him in relative peace, while not so much "solicitous for the things of the world, how he may please [and materially provide for his children]" (1 Cor. 7:33), is a greater blessing. Be thankful for it. Mary chose the better part, remember?

Quote from: Guest

How do you deal with gossiping parishioners who suggest that you and your spouse are using contraception?

What parish are you at? :shocked: My parish doesn't think that about my wife and I at all. They actually think we're neo-Manichean, Jansenist Puritans in need of convincing that sex is good… haha. My lapsed Catholic parents, who want grandchildren, probably think we're hypocritically contracepting, though…

Tiffany · « **Reply #7 on:** October 22, 2013, 10:21:53 AM »

I'm so sorry for your loss with the foster child and will keep you both in my prayers. That is heartbreaking.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** October 22, 2013, 10:56:05 AM »

For what it is worth, I will post what a couple told me, that could not bear children. They took NFP and turned it around. They waited for each other on days of infertility and were with each other on days of fertility. They said the wait was very important to give the relationship meaning. Maybe I have a hard time explaining but when the couple have anxieties and such, the wait or abstinence puts the minds in the other realms that keep the couple more in tuned to other aspects of marriage and love for each other.

Some couples don't bear children til near 40 and the fertility is there and gone. Who is to say why? My mother-in-law could not get pregnant for 8 years and then fertility turned on, had 2 children and went to early menopause at age 35. Who knows? But of course women suffer with endometriosis and the couple that I spoke of turning around NFP was in the position.

Prayers to you!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #9 on:** November 02, 2013, 06:54:55 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Is there anyone out there who is married, but unable to conceive children? Perhaps you know someone.

How do you deal with it? Do you believe you have offended God somehow, and this is His punishment?

How do you deal with gossiping parishioners who suggest that you and your spouse are using contraception?

How do you deal with it? I keep busy with work, spiritual, and corporal works of mercy. I try to do what might be hard for families who have children. Praying outside abortion clinics, visiting the sick/elderly, cleaning the church or volunteering for more time consuming jobs. I also try to avoid events that might bring to the surface the fact that we can't have children. Mother's Day/Father's Day is especially hard, but it is all in God's plan.

Do you believe you have offended God somehow, and this is His punishment? I used to think that maybe marriage wasn't my vocation, but when I see the positive changes in my spouse, then I know it isn't the case. I now believe that our family was meant to work with God through various corporal works and be ready to help both sets of parents who have health issues.

How do you deal with gossiping parishioners who suggest that you and your spouse are using contraception? I have never been accused of using contraceptives so I am not sure about that. I have often remarked that God has not blessed s with a child and that usually turns the conversation one of two ways. The person will just say they will pray for us or the topic goes into adoption (if Catholic) or IVF (if non Catholic). Some days I can handle my answers and others it is too painful.

I would say what keeps me sane is keeping busy. I would also say- never blame your spouse, love him/her more for the heartache they are enduring as well. And, as always, offer it up through Our Lady to her Son.

Matthew · « **Reply #10 on:** November 02, 2013, 08:06:46 AM »

As a man with at least half-Choleric temperament, I get angry about the perennial topic of "judgmental Trads". How do some of these people present themselves for Communion every Sunday?

I can understand being realistic. I think it's OK to acknowledge that a woman is using contraception if you heard her yourself talking about her plans to "work a couple more years, and then we're going to start our family..." Or if one/both of them (who are childless) frequently make anti-large-family or anti-child comments all the time. I mean, Catholic morality doesn't involve being stupid or naive.

But with ZERO evidence, automatically assuming the worst about people? There's no justification for that, aside from pride, cynicism, and malice.

Fortunately, it isn't everyone; just a minority of gossips and busybodies who clearly have their own issues or they wouldn't be focusing so much on the sins and "sins" of others. It's convenient to redirect the focus of attention to others when you know there's plenty to worry about at home.

What boggles my mind about these judgmental Trads -- don't they have ENOUGH people around them living like pagans, living in sin, and on the road to hell? Do they REALLY need to have one more couple in that situation?

What I'm trying to say is, humanly speaking it IS pleasant (and therefore a temptation) to see that you're "not doing too bad" compared to others. But come on, which of us can't find a few hundred pagans around us to achieve that "kick"? And without trying! Do we really need to feed that monster on purpose and go a step further, digging up evidence to show that 99% of our TRAD CHAPEL is beneath us spiritually as well?

How about we go the OTHER direction and focus on how those pagans have some virtues we don't have. Think about how well they're actually doing in some departments considering their ignorance, lack of graces from the Sacraments, etc. Redirect it into a cause for humility, rather than a cause for pride. That's what the Saints always did.

And it's even easier to look at the good at one's fellow parishioners. They're traditional Catholics for crying out loud! They must have many good points and virtues you could focus on, in particular those virtues you find lacking in yourself.

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** November 02, 2013, 08:11:34 AM »

If I ever found out someone was rashly judging me at my trad chapel, I'd fraternally correct them with much fervor, let's just say.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #12 on:** November 02, 2013, 08:08:29 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

If I ever found out someone was rashly judging me at my trad chapel, I'd fraternally correct them with much fervor, let's just say.

I was in this situation with a family member who was judging my marriage. Because this person doesn't like my spouse and this person was unsuccessful in getting a Resistance priest to agree that my marriage was "invalid" because my spouse was too "worldly". Since when is worldliness a sign of invalid marriage???????BTW, my spouse is one of the most passionately dedicated to the Resistance and the defense of truth out there.

This family member not only left the Resistance but appears to have cut ties with tradition and gone back to the NO church.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #13 on:** November 02, 2013, 08:56:33 PM »

Quote from: Matthew

As a man with at least half-Choleric temperament, I get angry about the perennial topic of "judgmental Trads". How do some of these people present themselves for Communion every Sunday?

I can understand being realistic. I think it's OK to acknowledge that a woman is using contraception if you heard her yourself talking about her plans to "work a couple more years, and then we're going to start our family..." Or if one/both of them (who are childless) frequently make anti-large-family or anti-child comments all the time. I mean, Catholic morality doesn't involve being stupid or naive.

But with ZERO evidence, automatically assuming the worst about people? There's no justification for that, aside from pride, cynicism, and malice.

Fortunately, it isn't everyone; just a minority of gossips and busybodies who clearly have their own issues or they wouldn't be focusing so much on the sins and "sins" of others. It's convenient to redirect the focus of attention to others when you know there's plenty to worry about at home.

What boggles my mind about these judgmental Trads -- don't they have ENOUGH people around them living like pagans, living in sin, and on the road to hell? Do they REALLY need to have one more couple in that situation?

What I'm trying to say is, humanly speaking it IS pleasant (and therefore a temptation) to see that you're "not doing too bad" compared to others. But come on, which of us can't find a few hundred pagans around us to achieve that "kick"? And without trying! Do we really need to feed that monster on purpose and go a step further, digging up evidence to show that 99% of our TRAD CHAPEL is beneath us spiritually as well?

How about we go the OTHER direction and focus on how those pagans have some virtues we don't have. Think about how well they're actually doing in some departments considering their ignorance, lack of graces from the Sacraments, etc. Redirect it into a cause for humility, rather than a cause for pride. That's what the Saints always did.

And it's even easier to look at the good at one's fellow parishioners. They're traditional Catholics for crying out loud! They must have many good points and virtues you could focus on, in particular those virtues you find lacking in yourself.

I haven't experienced anything nasty to my face about our inability to pro-create. There have been plenty of other subjects to attack us on, so I guess we were spared this!

I would say co-workers and family members ask the most questions and "volunteer" lots of suggestions and it does tire one out at times.

Course, we all have our crosses so I will stay in my yard and thank God for our small sufferings.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #14 on:** November 02, 2013, 10:05:34 PM »

Trad Catholics are really nasty about this stuff. I don't know if the men hear it as much as the women. A lot of women are like "So, are you pregnant yet?" It has been two years, you should have had a baby three months ago."

The same people don't think kids belong at mass yet ask where you were last week, and why you can't just come alone.

I've had all this with back to back miscarriages. Not one person has ever offered to help me or asked if there is anything they could have done.

The bottom line for me has been to accept my lot with loving resignation. To bear the wrongs in silence as best I can, it is HARD.

Lastly, I replace the situation I can't have with one that is possible, and engross myself in those works.

Author Topic: Infertile Couples (Read 3828 times)

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