I'm a convert. Several years before I converted, I had a tubal ligation (20 years ago). I have two children and have been married 24 years. I learned after my conversation that I'd committed a mortal sin. I have regretted this sin ever since. I've grown in my remorse over the years as the depth of my understanding of the gravity of the sin has increased. It has affected my marriage completely as I cannot separate how I've ruined our lives, our children's lives and our families' lives by denying the conception of more children.
I initially looked into reversal surgery but discovered that the severity of the cauterization made repair almost completely unlikely and ectopic pregnancy very possible.
I have confessed this sin. However, we are hours away from a traditional parish and have only ever been able to attend the N.O. I was given a penance of a couple of prayers and that's it. I asked the priest once about continuing marital relations with my H and his response was "You'd better."
But I can't seem to let it go to accept that God has forgiven me and that I can and should "move on." I don't feel that I've adequately paid penance for this sin ... .and have shut myself off from my H in affection and marital intimacy. My H does not agree with me on this matter and believes that I've done what I'm supposed to do and that I'm supposed to live my life, and act in the manner which a wife is to act.
I feel like a hypocrite, being a traditional Catholic in a NO parish where we fit right in with our two children. But I know we wouldn't "fit in" in a traditional parish either where everyone has large families.
My shame is immense. My remorse is tremendous. And as I mentioned I've taken it out on my H for not feeling as I do, ,for not understanding and I know being cold to him is wrong as well.
Can anyone help me?