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Anonymous

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I Need Help
« on: June 14, 2014, 02:32:30 PM »
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  • I'm a convert.  Several years before I converted, I had a tubal ligation (20 years ago).  I have two children and have been married 24 years.  I learned after my conversation that I'd committed a mortal sin.  I have regretted this sin ever since.  I've grown in my remorse over the years as the depth of my understanding of the gravity of the sin has increased.  It has affected my marriage completely as I cannot separate how I've ruined our lives, our children's lives and our families' lives by denying the conception of more children.  

    I initially looked into reversal surgery but discovered that the severity of the cauterization made repair almost completely unlikely and ectopic pregnancy very possible.  

    I have confessed this sin.  However, we are hours away from a traditional parish and have only ever been able to attend the N.O. I was given a penance of a couple of prayers and that's it.  I asked the priest once about continuing marital relations with my H and his response was "You'd better."

    But I can't seem to let it go to accept that God has forgiven me and that I can and should "move on."  I don't feel that I've adequately paid penance for this sin ... .and have shut myself off from my H in affection and marital intimacy.  My H does not agree with me on this matter and believes that I've done what I'm supposed to do and that I'm supposed to live my life, and act in the manner which a wife is to act.  

    I feel like a hypocrite, being a traditional Catholic in a NO parish where we fit right in with our two children.  But I know we wouldn't "fit in" in a traditional parish either where everyone has large families.

    My shame is immense.  My remorse is tremendous.  And as I mentioned I've taken it out on my H for not feeling as I do, ,for not understanding and I know being cold to him is wrong as well.

    Can anyone help me?

    Anonymous

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    I Need Help
    « Reply #1 on: June 14, 2014, 02:46:57 PM »
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  •  :pray: :pray: :pray:


    Offline Matthew

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    I Need Help
    « Reply #2 on: June 14, 2014, 02:57:52 PM »
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  • I would speak to a traditional Priest. It would be his role to give you advice, especially if that advice is hard.

    It's not the place of some random Internet person -- it doesn't do your situation justice. It should be personal and from a true man of God -- one formed the way priests were always formed (including proper Moral Theology, etc.)

    Leaving aside the question of validity of the Novus Ordo and the new rite of ordination, it's a hard fact that seminary formation changed drastically after Vatican II and it's obvious that (novus ordo) priests are starting to lose the faith, or at least be ignorant about parts of it.

    Start your Amazon.com session by clicking this link, and my family and I get a commission on your purchase!

    Anonymous

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    « Reply #3 on: June 14, 2014, 03:21:50 PM »
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  • My goodness do I feel your pain and shame, dear friend.

     I too did exactly the same as you.   Married young, had 2 children back to back then talked into a tubal lig for so called health reasons.  I resisted but not well enough.  I let my mother who still thinks shes a good Catholic but won't budge from novus ordo, tell me back in the 70's that the church now says its ok to take birth control, etc.  (Paul VI)   I KNEW I should not have done it, but I let myself get talked into it by her, the doctors, and others.  
    Then years later, like you, I found tradition and oh my gosh, I was and still am mortified.   I too confessed, but to a traditional priest.  In addition to penance, he counseled me that going forward I should now think of everyone as my children.  In other words, be loving and kind and motherly to everyone I encounter, mimicing the BVM, as a type of life long penance.  I'm not explaining it well, but you sort of adopt everyone you meet in your heart, being extra kind, praying for them, no matter the  least acquaintance.  Does that make sense?  If not, it's due to my inadequacy.  

    Quote
       
    But before all things have a constant mutual charity among yourselves: for charity covereth a multitude of sins.   1 Peter 4:8


    You will get good  advice here from other people, but I would say to find a traditional priest, even if you have to make an arrangement to travel a little. Make an appointment with him to discuss this in depth.  He can best guide your soul and will help you to find peace through proper penance and spiritual counsel.
    Sincere repentance and lifelong reparation actually brings great joy.

    I think Matthews advice is best.

    [/color]

    Anonymous

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    « Reply #4 on: June 14, 2014, 03:58:27 PM »
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  • We live hundreds of miles from the nearest FSSP.  We've been there a few times in 2009 the year our daughter was confirmed.  But, my experience was that the priests were very busy and gave priority to parishioners.  We're not parishioners and cannot be.  

    And thank you for your responses ... especially the poster who has this same problem.  I don't know why but it helps so much to know that I'm not the only one in this predicament.


    Anonymous

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    « Reply #5 on: June 14, 2014, 03:58:40 PM »
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  • If you can't make a trip, use email / phone to contact a priest. Don't let your location stop you from getting the counsel you need.

    Quote from: Guest
    But I know we wouldn't "fit in" in a traditional parish either where everyone has large families.


    You're wrong about this. There are many trads who converted later in life and have more or less the same situation as you. Plenty of people who come to Mass without their spouse too.

    In our SSPX parish, I know of zero couples with adult "children" who have more than 4 children. There are a few large families whose oldest are just reaching adulthood (age ~21), but none older than that.

    It would be good if you could travel to a TLM from time to time and see that you're certainly not alone.

    Anonymous

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    « Reply #6 on: June 14, 2014, 04:01:46 PM »
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  • Thank you I will try to contact that parish and see if they can help.  

    Offline MaterDominici

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    I Need Help
    « Reply #7 on: June 14, 2014, 04:12:09 PM »
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  • If you don't feel like they're responsive enough, just try another. I know our closest priory has a small school, so during the summer, the priests have a bit more time than usual since they're not teaching. The same would probably be true at the Trad seminaries; no classes right now (or very soon), so they're more available than other times of the year.
    "If I could only make the faithful sing the Kyrie, the Gloria, the Credo, the Sanctus and the Agnus Dei ... that would be to me the finest triumph sacred music could have, for it is in really taking part in the liturgy that the faithful will preserve their devotion. I would take the Tantum ...


    Anonymous

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    « Reply #8 on: June 14, 2014, 04:19:45 PM »
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  • Well, I can not say that I have been there, Thank God, but I could have.  You need the Precious Blood, a very good confession. The Precious Blood removes sin.  You need that convincing because this is truth!  St. Paul murdered many Christians and God took him for an apostle.  It is His Precious Blood that makes us new again.  Does you husband feel remorse?  This is very important.  I will keep you in prayer!!

    Offline crossbro

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    I Need Help
    « Reply #9 on: June 14, 2014, 04:22:08 PM »
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  • You are duty bound to reverse the tubal. Stating the risks is just an excuse to be selfish.

    Anonymous

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    « Reply #10 on: June 14, 2014, 04:29:36 PM »
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  • I have just sent an email to the traditional parish we're familiar with .... I just asked to be directed to someone who might be able to help ... or find out if I can make an appointment.

    Re: Precious Blood ... yes and a good Confession.  Our NO priest is very nice.  Really nice.  It seems way too easy to me .  Maybe it's my melancholic / choleric temperament .. But after reading the lives of the Saints and the penance that the "Great Magdalens" did in reparation for their sins, I just find it difficult to believe that a prayer is enough.  I sure need direction on this one.

    Re: my H., Yes, that's part of the problem. He really believes that once you've confessed and done the required Penance that's it.  He doesn't believe that we're continuing to sin by having marital relations .. and that's a big part of this problem.  He did suggest that I, you know, tell others about my pain and regret ... but, he thinks I'm borrowing trouble.

    I've caused him a lot of pain because I've really just closed myself off .. and isolated myself in the last 10 years or so.  There are other reasons to this .. but his lack of understanding has been really hard to take.

    And the thing is there's the conflict.  Spouses are not supposed to deny each other, and yet I'm in this conundrum of sinning one way or the other.  I know my H sees my rejection of him in this way as a sin against him .. and that is a sin against charity and that's wrong ... but having contracepted relations is a sin as well.

    It reminds me of the current debate with regard to the divorced and remarried.  So they confess but go on living in sin ... how is the issue resolved?


    Anonymous

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    « Reply #11 on: June 14, 2014, 05:11:43 PM »
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  • Quote from: crossbro
    You are duty bound to reverse the tubal. Stating the risks is just an excuse to be selfish.


    A traditional Catholic priest will exact the details and determine her duty, not us.

    Offline Mithrandylan

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    I Need Help
    « Reply #12 on: June 14, 2014, 05:33:51 PM »
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  • Quote from: crossbro
    You are duty bound to reverse the tubal. Stating the risks is just an excuse to be selfish.


    You are an idiot.
    More Catholic Discussion: http://thetradforum.com

    Offline Mithrandylan

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    « Reply #13 on: June 14, 2014, 05:37:52 PM »
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  • OP,

    What will probably help is making a general confession to a traditional Catholic priest.  Unfortunately, the new rites of Holy Orders in the Novus Ordo are dubious.  You may be suffering from demonic obsession from not having been properly absolved.  I say *may* but I know people this has been the case with.

    Having made a general confession, you may not feel better.  This may be your penance, living in shame or with guilt at what you've done, and not being able to undo it.  
    More Catholic Discussion: http://thetradforum.com

    Anonymous

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    « Reply #14 on: June 14, 2014, 05:44:53 PM »
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  • Quote from: Guest
    I don't feel that I've adequately paid penance for this sin ... .

    Are you aware of the difference between a) being forgiven your sins and b) having no more temporal punishment to do?

     

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