Or do you leave everything 100% to the wife?

Do you use a dishwasher? We have technology these days that make household chores easier.

Look, if you’re really burned out, I’m sure a husband would help out. Probably not on a daily basis. But, if he’s the breadwinner and does a hard laborious job, his work is going to be considerably harder and stressful. 

It sounds from your post that you resent your husband. You sound exhausted with household work and children, which I understand. But your husband is less likely to help out a bitter wife.

In a young family, the difficult period is when there is more than one child under the age of three, when the mother has not a second to herself. It's no fun coming home to a messy noisy household with no dinner ready "yet" but I simply would continue cooking, help out with the tidying up instead of complaining, although my resentment did show on occasions

If you like a well ordered household, I don't see how you can't help out in these times when you have very young children. 


 

As long as neither spouse is sitting on his arse while the other is working hard and gets no free time, it's all good. Free time should be divvied up fairly in any relationship.

If one spouse is living a great life with lots of leisure and looks forward to each day, while the other spouse wishes they were dead, that's a problem. If you love your spouse, you wouldn't want them to be so miserable. And if you love your spouse and marriage, you'll want it to last. One spouse getting burnt out is not sustainable.

And yes, the early years of a marriage are the hardest. When you have 3 (or more) kids under 5. Until they can help out, it's all on the parents. Each child does mean more work (not much more money, as claimed by MIT and other Jews -- but more work, yes) but they don't carry their weight at all.

OP here. 

I apologize for the dumb title and for giving no context. I see that there have already been misunderstandings. 

Yes, I am the husband, as someone guessed correctly. 

I will respond later with more details. 

My husband generally doesn't help with those sorts of things, which is fine, as his work keeps him extremely busy, & I'm fine with doing them myself.  Exceptions:  He will pitch in with those sorts of things if, for example, I'm sick, or if we're having company & there is still some last-minute cleaning to be done.  

Having several very young children, and especially if breast feeding, is very tiring time for a mother. It seems quite normal for a husband to return to a fairly chaotic household when returning from work in these conditions. It's also quite normal for the husband to help out 

It's about 50/50 in our household.  Maybe 60/40 if I get busy.  But we are childless, so there's only two of us... and I create most of the mess anyways.