Author Topic: husband wants to move out of country (Read 4897 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** April 16, 2016, 01:16:31 PM »

My husband has decided that he wants to move out of the country since he is fed up with how things are here. Thing is, I do not want to move, My kids have friends here, my family is here. I have had heated arguments with him but he is dead set on his ways. I am depressed.

Alexandria · « **Reply #1 on:** April 16, 2016, 01:26:18 PM »

There is nowhere to run to and hide. No matter where you will move to, whatever is going on here will catch up with you. Sooner rather than later.

Alexandria · « **Reply #2 on:** April 16, 2016, 01:27:23 PM »

In other words, you can't escape it. And your husband is being very, very foolish if he actually thinks that you can.

PG · « **Reply #3 on:** April 16, 2016, 01:37:00 PM »

A family member of mine has recently said the same thing. So, I believe I understand your situation to a degree. And, I will say only this; you need to do (more) penance for your husband. And, if you don't know what penance is, pray for understanding.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #4 on:** April 16, 2016, 02:06:52 PM »

Quote from: PG

. And, I will say only this; you need to do (more) penance for your husband. And, if you don't know what penance is, pray for understanding.

She's still living with him. She knows full well what penance is!

Miseremini · « **Reply #5 on:** April 16, 2016, 02:12:32 PM »

Pick any time and any place in history and you will find the devil hard at work.
Life is a test: you have to pass with the problems God puts before you.
Running off to another country will probably increase the severity of the problems you'll have to face.
The grass is NOT greener elsewhere.....they have the same polution.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** April 16, 2016, 02:36:06 PM »

Op

I'm fed up that I might divorce.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #7 on:** April 16, 2016, 02:46:57 PM »

I'm afraid that this is one of those things in which husbands have the final say. He supports the family and he decides where the family will live.

You can of course trying to convince him GENTLY in a feminine way (don't fight and don't beg!). The less thing you need is for him to become defensive as that may make him even more stubborn.

I don't think that is a valid reason for a separation and of course never divorce. If you cannot convince him to stay, I think you will just have to obey your husband in this one and accept it as God's will.

Offer up your sacrifice and suffering to God for the conversion of sinners and atonement of sin.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** April 16, 2016, 02:58:38 PM »

Quote from: Guest

I'm afraid that this is one of those things in which husbands have the final say. He supports the family and he decides where the family will live.

You can of course trying to convince him GENTLY in a feminine way (don't fight and don't beg!). The less thing you need is for him to become defensive as that may make him even more stubborn.

I don't think that is a valid reason for a separation and of course never divorce. If you cannot convince him to stay, I think you will just have to obey your husband in this one and accept it as God's will.

Offer up your sacrifice and suffering to God for the conversion of sinners and atonement of sin.

Well said.

Perhaps there have been too many threads on CathInfo excusing divorce under certain circuмstances, or saying that it's not necessarily mortally sinful. That is true, but let's not forget that good-old-fashioned divorce IS mortally sinful. It means you are going against your wedding vows, and your obligation before God towards your children and your husband (the marital debt, for starters).

Separation (not divorce) is lawful if your husband is beating you. You can also separate (not divorce) if your husband commits adultery. You still can't get remarried, though.

But everything else, wives have to obey their husbands. There is far too little trust and obedience today, especially among traditional Catholics.
It's always easy to obey your husband when you agree with him! That's not obedience, that's doing your own will WHICH HAPPENS TO BE HIS WILL. The obligation of obedience for wives certainly extends to things they don't want to do!

You can't just divorce your husband because you "miss your family". When you marry, you cleave to your husband or wife, and the "two become one flesh". Family is important, but not as important as YOUR OWN FAMILY! How can you claim some deep loyalty to your mom, dad and siblings, when you don't care what happens to your own children and husband!

Talk about misplaced devotion. Your own family comes first.

If anyone thinks that the modern world, feminism, etc. haven't entered Tradition, think again!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #9 on:** April 16, 2016, 03:02:18 PM »

I think he's thinking the grass will be greener somewhere else when it probably isn't.

Why not suggest that you visit the place he'd like to live for 6-18 months? Then, come home and re-evaluate the idea of a permanent move. Give it long enough to really miss the things your current location has to offer and to bring out the pitfalls of the new place.

Alexandria · « **Reply #10 on:** April 16, 2016, 03:16:22 PM »

The Imitation of Christ says that if you seek to get away from one cross, you will run into another, and it will probably be a heavier one than the one you sought to escape from.

Miseremini · « **Reply #11 on:** April 16, 2016, 03:17:14 PM »

Is this just a knee jerk reaction of his?
Is he giving up a good job and does he have a comparable or better job waiting for him?
Does his new job offer benefits and security?
Do you have to sell a house and what are the prices in the new country?
What are the rules for non citizens buying a house?
How about schools? Are they as good as what you're leaving?
What are the rules for non citzens there? Do you have to pay?
What about church? Is you faith center available in the new country?
How will you live without medical coverage in a new country for maybe a year?
Can you afford the moving expenses?
How old are the children? Are they old enough to cause major resistance?
Are your parents going to need your help in the forseeable future?
Is the place you're considering accepting of newcomers?
Do you know ANYONE there?
Are you just jumping from the frying pan into the fire?

The traditional Catholic way is that he is the head of the family and therefore the decision maker BUT has he demonstrated this ability in the past with good decisions or does he normally fail and act on impulse? Is he a traditional Catholic or is he a modernist who likes to pull rank when it suits him?

Only the wife can answer these questions and as a husband and wife become ONE in marriage, where the husband fails the wife must pick up the slack.

We're not living in a Traditional Catholic world....yet.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #12 on:** April 16, 2016, 03:21:24 PM »

Even if you are objectively right and he is wrong, you're going about it the wrong way.

Butting heads like 2 rams, bulls or roosters (note: these are male animals) is not appropriate for a woman. Plus it is counter-productive. You will only force him to dig his heels in and stubbornly stick to his course of action, just to assert his authority and dominance (to show you who's boss) if nothing else.

On the other hand, why don't you bring out his compassion and love for you? They must be there, or you wouldn't have married him. You need to trust him that he won't make your life miserable. When he sees that you're miserable, he's bound to do something about it.

Making yourself miserable ahead of time, over nothing, doesn't count. That is just being willful, emotional, moody, etc.

How many times does a couple fight about something that hasn't even happened yet? I know couples that fight about income or money who haven't had to pay a single late fee, much less had to go without food, electricity, or water for even one day. And yet the husband in question still hasn't earned the unconditional trust of his wife to look out for the well being of his family!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #13 on:** April 16, 2016, 04:03:04 PM »

Quote from: Miseremini

What about church? Is you faith center available in the new country?

WTF? "faith center"? You were saying about modernists...

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #14 on:** April 16, 2016, 04:11:57 PM »

Quote from: Guest

WTF?

When I see stuff like this I don't presume everyone here on Cathinfo is even Catholic much less traditional especially posting anonymously.

Edit: Didn't mean to post anonymously

Author Topic: husband wants to move out of country (Read 4897 times)

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