He goes from 0 to 100 so quickly, in terms of being calm to angry or snappy. There’s no inner struggle to be patient that I can observe, and I used to see it when we were courting. I know he can do it because he has done it in front of my family to please me, in the past, and this when he had worse health. But apparently it’s not enough if it’s done for God and me at home where no one is there to witness it. Afterwards he says how exhausting being charitable is. Well, virtue isn’t for the weak!
All things have their limits. Iron, rock, even diamonds have their breaking point. He just might be strong for having made it this far. He is at his limit of stress and patience, while at the same time something is missing from his spiritual life. That will cause the 0-100.
He’s a very hard worker and always tells me he wants to work to provide for me, so I don’t understand why he can’t find it in himself to be kind.
Because he is a good person, just stressed to his limit, while not advancing in holiness. This may be a turning point to grow in the next stage of holiness, or to overcome some current fault. Any cruelty may be something surfacing from his being raised poorly.
he’s onto something else that’s angering him, or gets distracted because for example, I placed a picture frame an inch out of place on an end table that I dusted, and things like that.
You should learn to conform to his precise desires. It will help keep the stress down. He needs to learn to live with the faults of other's, not like moving something to clean is a fault. "Bear one another's burdens..." as scripture says. He should respond by thanking God for a wife who keeps the house clean, and at least tries to keep it in order, and by thanking God for this little annoyance to suffer for Christ who suffered far worse for his sins, then proceed to arrange the picture exactly how he wants it.
He has explained to me that he is so particular about our furniture and interior design because it is the only place he can control and find beauty, since the world is so ugly. But to me this indicates a weak interior life (despite all the prayers he says and spiritual reading he does) because as we all know, happiness does not consist in our external surroundings. A lot of the saints had really bare rooms and weren’t depressed. I have as well and it never bothered me, I know other people who were not bothered by that either, who were devout. When one has Jesus, one has everything. I understand the need for a lovely home to come to, but his obsession is quite extreme.
He might be disordered in this regard, but order is a good thing, and you can't judge until you have experienced what it's like to be a man, and him in particular. I think you should learn and embrace his particularities regarding the house. This quote below may apply, and consider the perfection God demands, and that that particular order of the house may be a sort of anchor point to help achieve order in the soul.
3. The third class of duties regards the wife, and requires that she should behave to her husband with respect, obedience, and deference. If it be the husband's duty not to exceed the bounds of his authority, but to exercise it with lenity and discretion, it is no less the duty of the wife to respect his authority, and submit to it with cheerful obedience. This the very nature of subordination requires, and the model proposed to wives for the exercise of this duty is the Church of Christ; that therefore they should consider their husband's authority as coming from God Himself, and behave with submission to him on that account, as to the Lord. "Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord; ... as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things," Eph. v. 22.
Now the Church obeys her heavenly spouse, not from servile fear, as slaves obey their masters, but from love and affection. She fears Him, indeed, she respects Him as her Lord and her God, a God of infinite majesty; but the grand motive of her obedience is ardent love. This makes her cheerfully submit to His commands, endeavour in all things to please Him, and spare no pains to promote His honour and glory. In like manner ought the wife to behave towards her husband; she must respect and honour him. "Let the wife fear her husband," says the Word of God, Eph. v. 33. She must readily comply with his will and lawful commands; she must study to please, and make everything agreeable to him.
"Let the wives be subject to their husbands," says St Peter; " whose adorning, let it not be in the outward plaiting of the hair, or the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel; but in the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptibility of a quiet and meek spirit, which is rich in the sight of God. For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands: as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters you are, doing well, and not fearing any disturbance," i Pet. iii. i. Where we see that wives must not be extravagant in expensive dress and gaudy attire, but study to adorn their hearts with a quiet and meek spirit, yielding obedience and respect to their husbands in words as well as in acts. Instead of squandering their husbands' goods, they must apply with diligence to the care of their affairs, managing and improving their temporal concerns to the best of their power.
This is their office; in this they are properly a help to their husbands, by taking care of things at home, while the husband is providing for them and their families by his labour abroad. Hence the Scriptures say of a good wife, " The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no need of spoils; she will render him good and not evil all the days of her life," Prov. xxxi. 11. See that whole chapter.
And something for him to think about:
The husband, then, must remember that his authority over his wife is not that of a master over slaves, nor even that of a father over his children; but is the authority which the head has over the members of the body, or which Christ has over His Church; consequently he has no right to maltreat, abuse, or to show aversion and bitterness towards her, either in words or actions.
Hence the Scripture says, "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them," Col. iii. 19. St Peter enforces this duty by two strong reasons: "Ye husbands likewise give honour to the weaker vessel, and as to the co-heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." Consider that God has given you superiority over them, not only in authority, but also in fortitude and strength of mind, in knowledge and other respects, and therefore you ought to honour them as the weaker vessels, by a more tender love and greater condescension for them, remembering also that they are co-heirs with you of eternal life; besides that otherwise, if you treat them with harshness, your prayers will not be heard of God; for if you show not the necessary compassion towards the wife of your bosom, how can you expect that God will show mercy to you?
This last argument is strongly urged by God Himself, as recorded by His prophet: "I have no more a regard to sacrifice, neither do I accept any atonement at your hands. And you have said, For what cause? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, whom thou hast despised; yet she was thy partner, and the wife of thy covenant. Did not one make her, and she is the residue of His spirit? And what doth one seek but the seed of God? Keep then your spirit, and despise not the wife 'of your youth," Mai. ii. 13.
To this we may add, that the faults of the husband in this point are often the chief source of the unhappiness attending the married state
Almost every time I sit down he’s like “be careful!” for fear I’m going to break the chair. I move slightly and it makes a little creek because it’s old, and he gets disquieted because of that.
The understanding that a man has, as well as his experiences, may suggest to him that you may be sitting too hard, and he may be right. Conform to his wishes. Suffer with him for his peace of mind. He seems interested in perfection, and noises deemed unnecessary in an ideal world may be annoying to him, or his migraines make him sensitive to sounds. Carefully adding somewhat thin superglue to any wood joints and seams, after tightening any loose screws, should render the chair squeak free. It may take more than one application of superglue if there is a relatively large gap to fill, or use wood glue if the gaps are thicker than a credit card.
Are ya'll willing to consider getting some carbs into your diet?
Their diet may not be perfect, but carbs are not the solution to anger. Diet change may help a little, but it's not as simple as carbs.
Topic: Husband troubles (Read 25242 times)