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Author Topic: Husband troubles  (Read 27917 times)

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Änσnymσus

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Re: Husband troubles
« Reply #90 on: April 22, 2026, 07:06:18 PM »
Thank you for the prayers and the kind suggestions as well, I deeply appreciate it, the prayers more than anything.

Re: Husband troubles
« Reply #91 on: April 22, 2026, 07:58:02 PM »
I have asked him what I can do. He says there is nothing I can do besides give him space and hug him when he is willing to be hugged. He says I regulate his nervous system.

I hug him, I kiss him, I do things to console him. I have forgiven him. I am not nasty towards him, nor do I harbour resentment. I had an abusive father and he relied on me for emotional comfort since I was a child, I am well seasoned in consoling others. I’ve always been know by others to be the fixer and peacemaker.

I have consulted priests, and they have either said to have children because babies soften men, or bear my cross.

I’m not purposely ignoring questions, I honestly haven’t seen them or have forgotten, I’m overloaded with info right now.

We have been married 4 years.

Another priest told me to avoid certain topics which I try to do, but my husband likes to give speeches and forces me to answer questions about things, not allowing me to change the subject.

Also I was very transparent about my possible infertility, telling him my symptoms. He said he was alright with it and would be happy if it were just the two of us, which is why his behaviour now is really shocking to me.

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hug him when he is willing to be hugged.

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I’m overloaded with info right now.

Is lucky man. you care for him. People mean well but no you let anyone add to problem. rest now. take one moment at time.


Änσnymσus

  • Guest
Re: Husband troubles
« Reply #92 on: April 22, 2026, 08:49:52 PM »
Is lucky man. you care for him. People mean well but no you let anyone add to problem. rest now. take one moment at time.
Thank you this was very sweet of you! Any good in me is due to the grace of God. I certainly do not deserve it.

I wish to emphasize to everyone that I appreciate their input and suggestions, and that my capital letter message was not said in anger but to emphasize a point. God bless you all. You’re in my prayers.  

Änσnymσus

  • Guest
Re: Husband troubles
« Reply #93 on: April 23, 2026, 08:58:37 AM »
I think it is quite bold and unfair of those people who assert that my husband and I are causing one another's health issues from a psychological point of view, when we literally both had problems before even meeting, which I explicitly said.

Personally, things got worse when we became sɛҳuąƖly active after marriage (we were both virgins), and have improved since being celibate. We were also given terrible advice and direction from the medical system and it destroyed my gut. I could not eat without throwing up, and I was starving to death. Tell me you men out there, if you can be stable while your new wife is dying. I alone figured out how to save myself from this, no doctor was able to figure it out. 

When one is intimate with another, you exchange microbes. If you have compromised immune systems, this will make you sick. I share this for others to be careful about who they marry in terms of bodily health. 

Moreover, we have had many external stressors right around when we got married, that had nothing to do with a fault with either of us. 

I have been able to alleviate some of our symptoms through health initiatives alone and my own research.

Re: Husband troubles
« Reply #94 on: April 23, 2026, 09:28:57 AM »
You have information overload because it sounds like basically everything is wrong. The malaise over your relationship is physical, social, psychological, and spiritual. Anyone would feel overwhelmed in your shoes.
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You're right to ask for advice. Reflect on the advice you've been given, pick 1-3 things to try to implement. Remember that online advice is just that: advice from strangers who don't know you and whom you don't know. Take as much salt as you need to, pray for the prudence to understand what applies and what doesn't.
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Let me offer additional (male) perspective on a few things: 
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1) Your husband said he would be fine if your relationship didn't generate children, and he probably meant it when he said it, but at a certain point he's not going to be fine with it. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you. But I can pretty much guarantee you that after four years he would prefer your marriage to result in children. When you set out to do the trad Catholic thing-- you're ready to sacrifice and do what it takes (and it takes a lot) to raise a family on one income and provide, but there's no children, a kind of despair can set in. Because your family doesn't actually look any different than a typical DINK's family. Except unlike a DINK you're not enjoying anything the world has to offer. This is part of his and your problem. Explore fertility treatments/supplements (not immorally, of course). It will reintroduce purpose to your marriage. 
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2) It's time to try something new to give your husband purpose. If for four years (perhaps longer, depending on how long you two courted) you've been chasing different diets and exploring a bunch of fringe health solutions-- few of which have made a substantial difference-- go off script. Build a Lego set together. Get some exotic plants or a terrarium for the apartment. Play video games together. Buy some adult coloring books. Get him a model train set. Buy him a fishing pole. Like literally anything that constitutes a hobby and might shake him out of his rut, as well as the rut you two share together. It doesn't sound like it can get worse and it doesn't sound like what you've done so far has made that much difference.  It's likely that a hobby won't solve all your problems, but the old saying is that a change is as good as a rest, and it might help jump start something.
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3) It isn't normal that a ~20 something y.o. man with a new wife and no children doesn't have energy or motivation for sex. I know you're not looking for diet/health advice, but if you are doing everything you can to make him interested, there's something seriously wrong with him.  Does he have pornography habits? You don't need to answer that. And if you don't suspect it, you don't need to start suspecting it. Men aren't very good at hiding it even when they try.  If you already suspected it, and if there's something to it, absolutely nothing will improve until that problem is excised like the cancer it is.
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4) Explore the tick-borne illness angle.