Author Topic: How to find a TradCatholic wife? (Read 7615 times)

Matthew · « **Reply #15 on:** August 01, 2016, 01:56:32 PM »

Quote from: Guest

What come to mind to me are three things that Fr. Hewko told me a few years ago for finding a good traditonal Catholic wife:
1) Does she have the Catholic faith?
2) Is she open to the number of children God is to send her?
3) Is she a woman of the home?
I would say to leave it in God's hands... As hard as it might be, let the Lord lead the woman to you, if it is to be. The result is unhappiness and bitterness when you try to do things yourself through your own will. Even though it is not easy, it is best to simply allow God's will to work in your life. You'll be much happier in the end.

Following Fr. Hewko's advice, and being submissive to God's will, does not preclude signing up for an account on CatholicMatch.com (for example).

You really can do both, and really that's the only way. Put yourself out there so good fortune can find you, but don't be over-anxious.

My philosophy is a combination of Obi Wan Kenobi's "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.", a similar adage, "Winners make their own luck.", and a famous Saint saying, "Act as if everything depended on you; pray as if everything depended on God."

The saints took concrete, positive action. Both to achieve their own sanctity, and in some cases to achieve great things. There was plenty of personal effort expended by the saints. They didn't just sit back and enjoy the ride, waiting for God to supernaturally intervene.

If you have a positive outlook and discipline, you will "happen to get lucky" much more often than those who lack one or both of these things.

And not only you shouldn't focus too much on finding a spouse, but you'd better be focusing on making yourself an eligible bachelor (and then, a highly sought-after bachelor) by firstly getting established (having a job -- able to support yourself) and then getting well established (career, house, land, skills, etc.)

If you hope to be a father someday you'd better know the Catholic Faith inside and out. Not to mention other subjects wouldn't hurt: humanities, education, human psychology, and a ton of other subjects. You'll be guiding your family and overseeing your children's education (wherever they end up going to school).

God didn't make you (or other single young men) single for 10 or more years so you could have an extended childhood -- developing wicked video game skills, and/or watching every video on Youtube.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #16 on:** August 01, 2016, 02:52:37 PM »

I found my husband on Catholic Match. I know there are a lot of naysayers, but there's no harm in trying it out. Just make sure to use good judgement!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #17 on:** August 01, 2016, 04:48:33 PM »

You could try attending a fish fry. A lot of church hold those. You could try making friends there. Most people meet their spouse through mutual friends.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #18 on:** August 01, 2016, 07:49:49 PM »

Mathew nails it. Don't be particularly anxious over it. Focus on making yourself ' catch-worthy', and when the time is right, you will 'be caught'. No doubt about it.
On the other hand, I find it nauseating observing the amount of single men in my prior sspx chapel in their thirties and even in their forties that clearly are immersed in the "Peter Pan Syndrome ".
Those who don't quite fit the " Peter Pan Syndrome " by that age are usually alcoholics or experiencing severe personality / psychological disorders.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #19 on:** August 01, 2016, 08:15:03 PM »

Quote from: Guest

I'm a man in my early-mid 20s. I live in Phoenix, AZ. I would like to get married but I'm fearful of accidentally marrying a woman with hidden modernist/feminist tendencies who will inevitably divorce me. There are almost no single women at my parish and I'm too shy to talk to them even if there were. Someone recommended CatholicMatch but it seems like just a bunch of Novus Ordos on there.

Any advice? Thanks.

It is written that, "The attire of the body, and the laughter of the teeth, and the gait of the man, shew what he is." (Ecclesiasticus 19:30) If you want to avoid marrying a woman with modernist/feminist tendencies, be aware of how she dresses, speaks and acts.

Being too shy to even talk to them will not help. Any woman who you do not have to approach, but approaches you will tend to be more of a feminist. So, you need to try stand up and become more confident, and this in turn will turn away the more feministic women from you. A sweet gentle woman wants a man who will direct her and be the one to approach her. If you can not do this, you will probably never know those except the more leadership women. A modest woman is naturally very shy and would not approach you... Does that sort of make sense?

As for meeting traditional Catholic women... I have know people to meet their future spouse while visiting other traditional Catholic chapels. Sometimes asking one's pastor is helpful. :-)

As for a few other pointers... Focus on making a living for your future wife, procuring a house, etc. Once this is all established, and if God wants you to be married, Her certainly will bring the right woman into your life!

Finally, I TOTALLY recommend praying to Saint Joseph and Saint Joachim every day to help you find a good wife, if it be according to the will of God. :-)

May God bless you!

Matto · « **Reply #20 on:** August 01, 2016, 08:23:47 PM »

This thread reminds me of a thread I saw on another forum. What interested me was a post by Greg who was banned from Cathinfo. He said that many years ago he was in charge of a social club for Catholics that was related to a traditional chapel. He said that one of his goals was to allow young Catholics to meet other Catholics in the hopes of finding marriage partners. So the club was more social than religious with the goal of having a good time and many people joined and there were even a few marriages that came about because of the club. But then the people above Greg thought that the club was too social and not religious enough so they got rid of Greg and changed the focus of the club to make it more about religion and less about meeting potential spouses and the club stopped being popular. I wonder if many traditional chapels have social clubs like that. I hope that at least some of the larger ones do.

I mean other than saving ones soul, what could be more important than meeting a spouse for those young men and women who are not meant to become priests or religious?

Matthew · « **Reply #21 on:** August 01, 2016, 10:55:20 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Mathew nails it. Don't be particularly anxious over it. Focus on making yourself ' catch-worthy', and when the time is right, you will 'be caught'. No doubt about it.
On the other hand, I find it nauseating observing the amount of single men in my prior sspx chapel in their thirties and even in their forties that clearly are immersed in the "Peter Pan Syndrome ".
Those who don't quite fit the " Peter Pan Syndrome " by that age are usually alcoholics or experiencing severe personality / psychological disorders.

I don't know who posted this, but this rings very true to me, and I am convinced this person knows what he's talking about.

The reason is simple: I've seen it myself. The "never grow up" set. And I've known the over-40, alcoholic, personality/psychological disorder type as well.

Matthew · « **Reply #22 on:** August 01, 2016, 10:59:06 PM »

Quote from: Matto

This thread reminds me of a thread I saw on another forum. What interested me was a post by Greg who was banned from Cathinfo. He said that many years ago he was in charge of a social club for Catholics that was related to a traditional chapel. He said that one of his goals was to allow young Catholics to meet other Catholics in the hopes of finding marriage partners. So the club was more social than religious with the goal of having a good time and many people joined and there were even a few marriages that came about because of the club. But then the people above Greg thought that the club was too social and not religious enough so they got rid of Greg and changed the focus of the club to make it more about religion and less about meeting potential spouses and the club stopped being popular. I wonder if many traditional chapels have social clubs like that. I hope that at least some of the larger ones do.

I mean other than saving ones soul, what could be more important than meeting a spouse for those young men and women who are not meant to become priests or religious?

I agree.

Without knowing the particulars of the situation, I'm inclined to side with you and Greg on this one. If they want a religious/doctrinal study group, why not start a separate group? Let them each flourish/perish on their own demand and on their own merits.

What better way to get Catholicism into daily life than to start group(s) that are focused on the practical details of everyday Catholic life -- making friends, school issues, family relationships, dealing with co-workers, friends for your kids, etc.

Bad friendships are one of the largest sources of corruption for Catholics. If you can get them to befriend other Trad Catholics, you've won about 1/3 of the battle.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #23 on:** August 02, 2016, 04:50:23 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: Guest
once they go away for college or move out of their parents' home, they quit practicing the Faith.

If my kids are going to quit practicing the faith then what's the point of even having a family? How could someone leave the one true Church?

Because they've never truly converted or they've been raised in a tradcat hothouse, unable to withstand the enticements of the world, or the parenting is lacking. I'm simply stating the facts of the matter at a specific medium sized sspx chapel in the US.

Another serious problem is the fact that young people of high school and college age, don't have opportunity to socialize. Families drive long distances to hear Mass. 30 minutes once a week having donuts and often looking after younger siblings while the parents socialize doesn't cut it.

Parents need to take action, to see to it their older children are not only well catechized and educated, but to assist in finding mates, or, to set up a way to facilitate suitable marriage partners. Not all older singles are mentally deficient or Peter Pans. Their parents grew up in times when marriage just sort of happened in the normal course of life. Those days are over.

If the op is a mature man, then he should take steps to overcome his shyness. Join Toastmasters or some organized group where everyone must put himself out there, a sports team or adult education class at a community college.

Keep praying, to St. Joseph and Our Lady.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #24 on:** August 02, 2016, 11:33:19 AM »

Quote from: Matthew

Quote from: Guest
What come to mind to me are three things that Fr. Hewko told me a few years ago for finding a good traditonal Catholic wife:
1) Does she have the Catholic faith?
2) Is she open to the number of children God is to send her?
3) Is she a woman of the home?
I would say to leave it in God's hands... As hard as it might be, let the Lord lead the woman to you, if it is to be. The result is unhappiness and bitterness when you try to do things yourself through your own will. Even though it is not easy, it is best to simply allow God's will to work in your life. You'll be much happier in the end.

Following Fr. Hewko's advice, and being submissive to God's will, does not preclude signing up for an account on CatholicMatch.com (for example).

You really can do both, and really that's the only way. Put yourself out there so good fortune can find you, but don't be over-anxious.

My philosophy is a combination of Obi Wan Kenobi's "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.", a similar adage, "Winners make their own luck.", and a famous Saint saying, "Act as if everything depended on you; pray as if everything depended on God."

The saints took concrete, positive action. Both to achieve their own sanctity, and in some cases to achieve great things. There was plenty of personal effort expended by the saints. They didn't just sit back and enjoy the ride, waiting for God to supernaturally intervene.

If you have a positive outlook and discipline, you will "happen to get lucky" much more often than those who lack one or both of these things.

And not only you shouldn't focus too much on finding a spouse, but you'd better be focusing on making yourself an eligible bachelor (and then, a highly sought-after bachelor) by firstly getting established (having a job -- able to support yourself) and then getting well established (career, house, land, skills, etc.)

If you hope to be a father someday you'd better know the Catholic Faith inside and out. Not to mention other subjects wouldn't hurt: humanities, education, human psychology, and a ton of other subjects. You'll be guiding your family and overseeing your children's education (wherever they end up going to school).

God didn't make you (or other single young men) single for 10 or more years so you could have an extended childhood -- developing wicked video game skills, and/or watching every video on Youtube.

The positive and concrete action I have then taken is not wasting time and money on something that did not result in what was expected, even when I was not anxious. Being on Catholic Match for so long became an unhealthy attachment for me. What is more the challenge is not so much how the women are in the practical order, but it has more to do with if they are open to the true Catholuc understanding of things. I am glad I got out of it. The pictures of women on there are at times an occasion of sin too.

In light of what you said, Matthew, I am going to focus on being a better man in getting settled soon finally. Using Catholic Match was not helping in that, and it did not help me in seeing women well. I am not up to where I should be quite yet as a man, but in spite of that, I know that most women I have come across are not interested in me. And that is key to establishing a relationship. That is also when I am not even trying to do anything about it at all when I merely make conversation. I need to simply focus on God more.

Matthew · « **Reply #25 on:** August 02, 2016, 02:05:33 PM »

Speaking of shyness, I used to be quite shy and I still consider myself an introvert. (Introverts "recharge" when they're alone, while extroverts "recharge" whenever they get to be around people.)

But I'm not "shy" anymore, probably because I've had so much experience starting up conversations and talking to people.

When you have more confidence about yourself (who you are, what you're good at, what you do for a living, etc.) that tends to make socializing much easier. It also gives you a good starting point for conversation.

I think socializing was hardest when I didn't know much about myself, there was nothing about me that was very special, and I didn't have anything to distinguish me from all the other guys. And in fact, I was majorly deficient compared to my peers in many categories (e.g., sports, physical height, etc.)

Let's put it this way -- once you've enriched your own life by learning many skills, getting lots of experiences, it's so much easier to socialize because whatever a group is talking about, you can join in. Are they talking about farm animals? Mowers and tractors? Anything involving working outside? Computers? Smartphones? any topic related to the Catholic Faith? Cooking? Survivalism? Gardening? Different parts of the USA? Homeschooling? Child discipline and raising? Science? History? Pre-history? Languages? For these and several dozen other subjects, I can join in.

This wasn't true at all when I was 17, unless someone wanted to talk about "Final Fantasy II" for SNES.

But these days, there are few topics that I am forced to sit out on: sports, fashion trends, and modern TV shows (and most movies).

But knowing how to do thousands of things also gives you confidence. And since these abilities are all old-hat for you, you don't necessarily become vain about it. (If you're vain, that's a separate, unrelated issue.)

It's hard to act like a confident man when you still feel like a boy -- and for good reason! A man should know how to change a tire, and in general take care of himself without any problems if "mom" weren't around to take care of him. So a young man who knows deep down that he still depends on his mother for many things is going to lack confidence. It's hard to fool oneself.

I guess the moral of the story is: make yourself a Renaissance man, or pretend you're competing for "Most Interesting Man", and you'll never be bored.

Matthew · « **Reply #26 on:** August 02, 2016, 02:11:47 PM »

Quote from: Guest

The positive and concrete action I have then taken is not wasting time and money on something that did not result in what was expected, even when I was not anxious. Being on Catholic Match for so long became an unhealthy attachment for me. What is more the challenge is not so much how the women are in the practical order, but it has more to do with if they are open to the true Catholuc understanding of things. I am glad I got out of it. The pictures of women on there are at times an occasion of sin too.

In light of what you said, Matthew, I am going to focus on being a better man in getting settled soon finally. Using Catholic Match was not helping in that, and it did not help me in seeing women well. I am not up to where I should be quite yet as a man, but in spite of that, I know that most women I have come across are not interested in me. And that is key to establishing a relationship. That is also when I am not even trying to do anything about it at all when I merely make conversation. I need to simply focus on God more.

To be clear, I'm not advocating Catholic Match for everyone.

For some, it might be a distraction as you say. It all depends on your own situation. When I signed up, I was completely ready to be married. Obviously each person's situation is different. That's why one size doesn't fit all. It's a question of prudence.

You have to use your head, and apply it to your own situation. That's the very definition of prudence. A given action that is prudent for one man, might be extremely IMPRUDENT for another man. That's because prudence isn't about objective good or evil. It's about what is good for one PARTICULAR man.

Moving to Oregon isn't objectively good or evil. But for one man, it might be prudent (because he wants a career in forestry) whereas for another man, it might be extremely imprudent (because he's a computer programmer).

The Internet isn't objectively good or evil. But for a man struggling with certain vices, it might be prudent for him to not have the Internet in his home at all. But for others, it would be very prudent to have the Internet (for work, family communication, news, educational resources, etc.). So again, we can't just go with the flow. We have to THINK, even when it hurts.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #27 on:** August 03, 2016, 02:25:23 AM »

Quote from: Guest

I'm a man in my early-mid 20s. I live in Phoenix, AZ. I would like to get married but I'm fearful of accidentally marrying a woman with hidden modernist/feminist tendencies who will inevitably divorce me. There are almost no single women at my parish and I'm too shy to talk to them even if there were. Someone recommended CatholicMatch but it seems like just a bunch of Novus Ordos on there.

Any advice? Thanks.

If your parish doesn't have any single ladies have you considered attending one of the other traditional parishes in Phoenix? There are a couple of choices available in Phoenix.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #28 on:** August 03, 2016, 06:06:41 PM »

The suggestion that a man should own a house before getting married is unrealistic and, frankly, dodo-tier dumb.

A man should tie himself down to a specific location before seeking a wife? Come on now.

It's such an unrealistic suggestion that its main practical effect would be to suppress marriages and thus unwittingly promote sins of lust. This isn't 1980 when a first home cost $30-40 grand.

And I'm glad to report that in real life trads don't take it seriously. Of all the traditionalist marriages I've seen or been sufficiently informed of, only in one or two did the man own a house. Those men were in their 30s.

On the other hand, have a career, some savings? Sure, that's very sound advice.

Matthew · « **Reply #29 on:** August 03, 2016, 07:19:33 PM »

Quote from: Guest

The suggestion that a man should own a house before getting married is unrealistic and, frankly, dodo-tier dumb.

A man should tie himself down to a specific location before seeking a wife? Come on now.

It's such an unrealistic suggestion that its main practical effect would be to suppress marriages and thus unwittingly promote sins of lust. This isn't 1980 when a first home cost $30-40 grand.

And I'm glad to report that in real life trads don't take it seriously. Of all the traditionalist marriages I've seen or been sufficiently informed of, only in one or two did the man own a house. Those men were in their 30s.

On the other hand, have a career, some savings? Sure, that's very sound advice.

Usually a house can be sold, if your wife ends up being across the country (and you decide it's best to live near her family rather than yours).

But if a man doesn't have a house, he should have $30K or $40K (or much more!) socked away to buy one -- or a good chunk of a house -- real quick after he settles down and gets married.

Especially if a man is in his 30's and still unmarried. What has he been doing with his income all those years since age 18 -- living it up? Buying video games? Paying for an XBox Live subscription? Being happily unemployed for years living at home with Mom & Dad? Such an immature man wouldn't seem to be good husband material.

Just because it takes some time to find a good life-long spouse doesn't absolve men from all obligation to be serious and responsible... In other words, it doesn't give him a blank check to act like a child for decades. A man can still be a mature, responsible single man.

Author Topic: How to find a TradCatholic wife? (Read 7615 times)

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